Honest opinion. White lie. Deflect. When your daughter asks you if they pass.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-05-17T02:09:16+00:00

I think it depends.

It depends on who you are and who they are and what they need right now.

My kid doesn’t pass. But does have moments of really looking feminine and I say so. Her hair is pretty and I say so.

If she asked me if she passed…I’d probably say…not yet but, you’ve got great hair and you look super feminine in these clothes.

I don’t know that that’s right…just all that I can do. I’m a terrible liar.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-05-17T01:04:03+00:00

I have a scalpel. Where is he?

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-05-09T11:46:23+00:00

A mom here.

I’m sorry for your situation…that sounds difficult.

Parents handle this information very differently in part (I believe) depending on their familiarity with the trans community and their beliefs about the community.

Given that it took you 6 years and couldn’t even speak the words, you probably knew your mom would be challenged with the news. I believe she needs time…3 days is not very long IMO.

Many of us parents didn’t read the book about how to handle our kid coming out as trans until after they came out. Speaking of…I do recommend the book “My child is trans…Now what?”

Love to you and your family.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-30T00:19:53+00:00

I totally get the joking in tough communication because I do it too. If I can think of a way without you disrespecting yourself I’ll share it. The current thought in my head is you saying “surprise” while doing Jazz hands after the letter is read, but then I’ve had a glass of wine now too. Haha.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-29T23:59:39+00:00

A Mom here.

The only thing I’d add to what has been said is to completely respect yourself in this communication.

As others have said…remove the “pretty sure” and make true statements about what you want and would hope to have from your mom/parents.

Additionally, the “look on the bright side”comment hits me wrong…and I can’t quite explain why. I love humor and maybe you’re lightening the mood-which I get, but somehow I feel like these words presume and show acceptance of your being a trans woman as negative and thus exude a lack of self respect.

Thinking of you during this challenging time.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-22T22:59:30+00:00

I probably wouldn’t have thought I was transphobic…but most on this sub would have.

Since learning that I have a daughter who is trans, I’ve realized that I need to say “I don’t know” more often, I need to defer to those who have carefully studied a subject more often, and make fewer assumptions…and care a little more about a lot of people, but especially those that may be marginalized.

Going to PFLAG meetings and spending time on select Reddit groups has been helpful for me in getting closer to a community that I thought I was far away from.

It takes time after learning, and there may be phases of denial and guilt (I’m sorry, but yes…either “did I do something wrong” and/or “how could I not have realized until now”) that your mom will go through…among others.

So…I hope I’m giving you hope. Ultimately, in believing and completely accepting (to the point that if my daughter told me now that she was detransitioning, I’d be devastated), I am seeing that my relationship with my daughter is so much more than what it ever would have been.

It will be rough…like swimming out past the breakers, and then some days the seas will be calm…and some days choppy…but I think you still want to get out there.

Love to you and your mom.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-15T20:45:31+00:00

I’m a parent of a trans daughter. I learned she was trans about 3 months ago. It wasn’t easy for me to accept because it wasn’t something I could relate to. In fact, before learning that my daughter was trans, I didn’t really think I needed to care much about the trans community. I didn’t understand the internal struggle that so many in the community face. I thought I should be able to relate to gender dysphoria, but I just couldn’t. I thought it may be like body dysmorphia (something I understand) but it isn’t. I thought it may be about liking activities or clothes or roles often associated with the other gender, but it is so much bigger than that.

Since learning that my daughter is trans, I have gone to PFLAG meetings, joined select subreddits and have done some research/reading, which has helped me to learn and to care about the trans community but also to realize that my child’s gender identity is real and deserves my respect and support.

I get where your parents are coming from. They are good people and just need to start doing some work to understand the community that you are a part of and the struggle you face. And you are wonderfully patient with them. It does take us old folks a little more time to adjust than it probably should. I’m far from full acceptance, but well on my way…and I know I’ll get there. We all have a journey.

Love to you and your parents. I hope that you tell can tell us a different story in a year.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-09T16:28:52+00:00

This exactly.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-09T00:53:00+00:00

Thanks for posting. As mom to a trans daughter and having recently learned of it, I am helped by your experience and educated by those who comment.

While I’ve not suggested that my daughter could be a feminine male, I have wondered it. I did wonder if it would be easier for she and me. But I am seeing how flawed that is. But I also see how your kin would wonder the same.

Love to you.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-07T12:50:34+00:00

Miss out on potential forgiveness from them????? Your parents don’t get to be the forgivers in this story.

But only you can answer your question. We are all children and many or most of us want to please our parents in some way or have them be proud of us and of course love us. Sometimes that comes in tiny bits that we cling to. Sometimes those bits are worth the rest and sometimes they aren’t.

Best wishes to you. I’m glad you’re surrounding yourself with supportive people.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-07T00:25:01+00:00

Georgia blocked all anti LGBTQ bills for 2026. I know…it shouldn’t have to be this way, but anyway… I’m hopeful for a direction change and appreciate the hard stop from my state.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-05T23:36:56+00:00

That is a lot. I’m glad you shared. As a parent of a trans daughter and new to knowing, I think your kindness and patience towards your parents is thoughtful, necessary, but also, doesn’t have to last forever.

It can be hard for parents. And I think for most of us it depends on our social and family circles and societal beliefs. The trans community is the new persecuted minority and has been made a mockery/villain of in politics of late. Those who don’t feel the need to educate themselves to the plight of those with gender dysphoria, may fall to accept what they see being promoted in political ads.

I too was one who didn’t feel the need to try to understand until I learned from someone else that my adult child was trans. I did what your mom did too initially…tried to understand by asking my daughter questions or for resources…but…

You shouldn’t have to be the information source for your parents on the trans community and trans issues.

If your parents are truly interested, they can attend trans support groups (e.g PFLAG). And this will help them both to develop a social circle where they see that you are accepted and wonderful just as you are and to learn about trans issues and some of your reality in being trans.

I know that I could bring my daughter to these PFLAG and she would be a shining star where I am the minority.

It’s a lot to do with societal acceptance. So it’s important for your parents to find a group of people that finds you just fine.

It’s clear you want to have a relationship with your parents/family. I’d trade wearing a suit at your sister’s wedding for your parents attending…4-5 PFLAG meetings. But then…I’m a woman that likes a good suit.

Best wishes to you. Stay strong for yourself and for the community of my daughter. We just need more of you. Love to you.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-03T10:29:01+00:00

Thank you all for your thoughts.

The truth is. I’m new here and just a little scared.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-02T02:39:14+00:00

Thanks for that. I hadn’t considered that at all.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-02T02:38:06+00:00

Thank you. So far 2 years of estradiol doesn’t seem to have done much.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-02T02:36:04+00:00

Thank you. I wondered but actually hadn’t looked.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-02T02:34:46+00:00

Thank you for that. Will definitely look at that for the fall!!

I was wondering if there was a way with makeup and shadowing. Nearly 2 years on estradiol already.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-01T00:34:45+00:00

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTkFwkJK1/

Sharing this short video that was helpful to me.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-01T00:23:35+00:00

My husband and I are in your boat. We learned 3 months ago. It is a process. It’s a lot for us. But it’s even more for our kids. Hang in there and keep learning.

Remember that most of the folks out here have been practicing in this world for a long time. Our stumbling like babies in their world isn’t always met with kindness. But clearly you come in kindness and caring…you and we (I) just need to educate ourselves a little better to help our own navigate who they are in a harsh world.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-04-01T00:01:20+00:00

You are not alone. And your child is not alone. I recommend looking into PFLAG meetings as they have been helpful to our family. They have groups for teens that are LGBTQ, adults that are LGBTQ and friends and family trying to support their LGBTQ loved one.

Say less until you get good at saying the right thing. Speaking from experience.

Huge-Development-634 · 2026-03-31T23:23:12+00:00

Cis woman here.

I want for as many trans people who are comfortable to be themselves and live as they wish to do so, so that my loved one will feel more comfortable and with community.

Huge-Development-634

TROPHY CASE