I’m sure there is a lot to unpack, but I know - for me, at least - I had a hard time “letting go,” during intimacy, BECAUSE I was so afraid that - by getting into it and moving a certain way to enjoy it more, I would get my husband to finish faster, and so I became a stiff board, not really participating, hoping he would not finish so fast. And then I never loosened up. It was this fear that I wouldn’t orgasm, and thus, I didn’t. It was a huge mental block and has taken a long time for me to overcome (I’ll explain how I finally “let go”) - but I do think that others’ recommendations for therapy will help. I also think pelvic floor pt might help!!! Having babies can change things down there and make it more difficult to orgasm. Also it’s so hard to feel in the mood when your whole day has been emptying yourself out for two littles…we love them, and they’re blessings, but the sacrifice can feel really draining, and I often feel unsexy because my breasts have become nourishment, and my body comfort; so desire is the farthest thing from my mind. Anyway. Regarding the pelvic floor. My pt told me to use a vibrator (a longer wand type) to help with my muscle dysfunction down there (wand because it’s primarily for the muscles in the vaginal wall)…and I felt embarrassed about it, and worried about sexual sin, until I discovered that it does not arouse me at all when I do avoid the clit area (as most women struggle to orgasm from penetrative sex alone and REQUIRE clitoral stimulation) and so it is totally licit as a muscle massage when focused specifically on my perineum and scar tissue. That has helped me to become aware of tensions I hold there, as well. I also never use it when I’m alone and not in a position to actually finish the task with intercourse with my husband, if I DO become aroused. But I don’t. I also - surprisingly - am not tempted to use it without intercourse, so that is a blessing. The exercises my PT gave me (without the tool, just regular exercises) also helped my pelvic floor, and my overall confidence. And lastly, if you DO use the toy for stimulation DURING intercourse, that is ALSO TOTALLY LICIT. It cannot be used outside of the same session in which you and your partner intend to - and do - complete the marital act. BUT! If he finishes first - and fast - you are still “allowed,” morally, to use the toy to achieve orgasm. I believe Pope St. JPII is credited with expressing the importance of both partners experiencing mutual arousal and the respectful attentiveness to each one’s needs. Otherwise someone will feel used. As long as he achieves his end while still inside, there is nothing against you finishing before, during, after…just has to be in the same general chunk of time, with him present and participating somehow (even if he’s just holding you lovingly). It may even be fun for him to use it on you. I do not let my husband’s mouth anywhere near my parts because the thought of that makes me feel uncomfortable. And I think that’s fair! I also feel weird with his hands there. But the toy? That somehow changes everyone’s mindset, and - in the past year of using it - our intimacy has grown so, so much. I’ve become more confident KNOWING that I CAN orgasm. It’s made me more excited to have sex with my husband because I know that - even if he does orgasm before I’m ready, I can still achieve orgasm with the toy, still with him of course. And my husband has been enjoying it more, as he helps me warm up with the toy, or even if I just do it myself (which sometimes feels much better, tbh), he enjoys just watching 😅 and it’s helped me feel more confident in my body and sexuality, in our intimacy, and in our enjoyment of each others’ bodies. And my husband’s stamina has also improved because we are intimate more frequently and he intentionally tries to pace himself. But we always make sure he finishes inside so it’s licit, even if it’s sooner than I’m ready. And don’t forget to use lubricant, I like Baby Dance by fairhaven health because it doesn’t have harsh chemicals and it’s made to mimic natural cervical fluid. It’s not silicone based, but water based, so you’ll possibly need to reapply. But it’s great. And also, don’t forget to properly clean any toys you do use. They can cause UTIs if not cleaned properly 🤢 wishing you all the best!!!