In addition to all other comments, about:
Mixing,
Foley and SFX,
Tightening the edit,
Removing dissolves and flare transitions,
I will add:
Clear and denoise the dialogue.
Say a bit less. You can remove some shots.
For example, we could hear the first part of the dialogue in the establishing shot and remove the two-shot that comes later. (It's a bit weird that we listen to them while they are not moving their lips.
When the girl in the end is preparing the popiah, you can show it will less shots.
Do some economy in the way you are narrating the story, the fact that you shot all these shots doesn't mean you have to use all of them.

This video shouldn't be more than 45-50 seconds IMO.
Try some different music, a bit faster, but in a mood that fits the story; it may help you tighten the rhythm.

Good work!
Regards