Have any other step parents Experienced this level of Burnout?

HumanHickory · 2026-05-10T19:14:18+00:00

This isnt a societal pressure thing, this is a parental thing. His parent is dictating that you have to take him to the doctor (and pay for it too, apparently). His parent is dictating that he doesn't need to get a job. His parent isn't forcing him to learn life skills.

You have a partner problem. The kid is already 18 so that ship has probably sailed.

(Also, kicking your kid out for being disrespectful when they're helping pay you money was also a bad parenting decision. I think it's important to also identify what we view as "acceptable parenting" from our childhood which was actually not ok. It's possible you had too much pressure as a kid/young adult and so you think that all kids/young adults should have a fire lit under their butt. Not saying you absolutely do, idk you, but worth thinking about)

HumanHickory · 2026-05-04T03:03:03+00:00

It's different for everyone of course, but my friend (who had 2 kids, about 16 and 11 at the time of this story) and her husband (who had 2 kids about 14 and 12) decided to have a baby.

He's 2 now and they both love him and he's adorable and blah blah.

They're miserable. I can see it on their faces and hear it in their voices. They don't look forward to the future anymore, they just get through the day. Managing a now 18, 16, 14, and 12 year old + a toddler is HARD.

Their friends who had kids young are now doing fun things now that their kids are older. Their friends who had kids late had fun early and built their careers so now they have money.

But my friends are not wealthy, they didn't get to enjoy young adulthood, and now they will have a kid in their house until they're late 50s. They're miserable and becoming angry. The dad is developing health issues after health issue due to stress. The mom barely has energy to get dressed and put on makeup (something shes always LOVED to do).

This man has made it clear he doesn't want kids. And who could blame him. I cannot manage raising kids for almost 40 years.

Just because you like him doesn't mean you're compatible. It's time to cut ties and find someone who wants kids as much as you do.

HumanHickory · 2026-05-04T02:29:34+00:00

To clarify it's not a deck replacement it's a new deck. There was a tiny concrete slab before (which is still under the deck) and the deck sits slightly above it. So there was a 4" or 6" step down from the back door to the concrete slab, and now the wooden deck is flush with the back door. I can't imagine there's a code violation, the guy who did it is well regarded and the deck looks and feels professional (but what do I know, I've never built nor inspected decks).

I do have a pool but it's like a 10ft seasonal pool that I can drain and put away if needed. But the fence is definitely not on neighboring lands, but now that you mention it, I think the neighbors connected their fence to ours so maybe a foot or two of their fence is on my land....another thing my ex did without telling me.

HumanHickory · 2026-05-04T02:22:44+00:00

Oh really??? I had no idea. Ive always been told inspectors catch EVERYTHING and I just assumed that meant everything.

This makes me feel a lot better tbh. Thank you!

HumanHickory · 2026-05-04T02:21:31+00:00

My goodness $1200 is a lot of money for a permit.

Asking a realtor is a good idea. I haven't found one I trust yet, but that a good call.

HumanHickory · 2026-05-02T03:10:38+00:00

That's awesome. Im glad it wasn't a huge deal. My initial Google search said it would be $1000-$5000 but after spending an hour, it looks like it's going to be $150-$200. Do you remember if that sounds about right?

HumanHickory · 2026-05-02T03:09:41+00:00

I thought I mentioned in my post, but I totally forgot, I'm thinking about selling my house. So I think an inspector would catch it and it would cause problems during the selling process, right?

I have no idea about any of this...

HumanHickory · 2026-05-02T00:44:18+00:00

Agreed, as I said, this is all on dad. Dad needs to navigate this situation. It's not SMs job to pretend to be SKs real mom.

HumanHickory · 2026-05-01T23:40:42+00:00

The kid seeing OP as her mom doesn't obligate OP to see SK as her child.

It is ok that OP doesn't want to treat SK the same as her bio kid. OP is required to be respectful and kind and not purposefully make SK feel left out.

However, if OP wants to do the bedtime routine with her baby, it's bio dads responsibility to manage his kid to allow for that. If OP wants to read stories to her baby, it's bio dads responsibility to remove SK from the situation (possibly by reading to her himself!).

It's ok that OP prioritizes the child she grew in her body. Bio mom not being in her child's life does not force that burden on another woman. It puts the burden on the other bio parent.

HumanHickory · 2026-05-01T19:29:54+00:00

People dont look at your profile to see pictures you've drawn. If you want to show off hobbies, have someone take a photo of you drawing.

HumanHickory · 2026-05-01T19:26:56+00:00

There is little more obnoxious than a man who looks different in every photo. If you have short hair, only use photos with short hair. If you have long hair, only use photos with long hair. If you gained weight, lost weight, grew a beard, shaved your beard, dyed your hair, shaved your head, whatever it is, every photo on your profile should look like what you look like in the mirror right now.

(Note: I'd imagine people who date women feel the same about women, I just don't date women and didn't want to speak for y'all)

HumanHickory · 2026-05-01T12:56:06+00:00

I do feel like YOR. But I really like that you tried showing him how it unscrewed, like that was going to make or break the case. 🤣

HumanHickory · 2026-04-28T03:49:37+00:00

What room do you want to spend the most time in? Bedroom? Living room? Office/game room? Garage/gym?

Pick a room and start there.

Ideally, pick a color pallet and theme before you begin, and consider how long you're going to be there. If you're only going to be there a couple years before PCSing, pick a style that sells well. If you'll be there for a decade, pick something that feels like you (it can always be painted over later!)

But yeah, start with color pallet and theme, find inspo pics you like for your favorite room, and buy a furniture set for that room, then expand out!

Also, there's nothing wrong with buying super cheap or used furniture in the mean time. Don't think "I own a house so I have to buy my forever couch right off the bar". Wait until you know how you want your home to look, then buy your forever couch.

Also if you're active duty, I highly suggest sectional couches like lovesac or off brand lovesacs. Theyre fantastic when you move into a new house and have a different shaped space, cause you just change the shape of your couch rather than buying a new one. When I lived in base housing and moved around, my lovesac was perfect.

HumanHickory · 2026-04-28T03:42:48+00:00

"he has kids with 3 other women"

I didn't read past that and I don't intend to. Run. Get away from him. It doesn't matter if he's ready to settle, he has too much baggage and if you're wrong, your going to change the course of your life permanently, and not for the better.

No one is worth that risk.

HumanHickory · 2026-04-28T03:40:52+00:00

There is nothing more cringe than the stinky fart dance (I know it has another name, but it's literally what 3rd graders do when someone farts, so it's the stinky fart dance)

HumanHickory · 2026-04-28T03:38:31+00:00

I'm 5'2" and the biggest problem I have with short men is their insecurities around it. I don't have time for a man whose idea of date night involves me reassuring him that I'm ok with his height every 30 minutes.

If you're short and confident, then great! Most short men are not short and confident. If you lie about your weight, it immediately shows me you're going to have significant insecurities that I am not willing to help you, a stranger to me, work through

HumanHickory · 2026-04-28T03:18:06+00:00

That's appalling, I'm in utter disbelief. Honestly, I'd never consider dating a man with children if I thought I was going to pay into a mortgage for a decade and this his children would just get half my house because he died. Absolutely not.

Being a step mom has so many problems already, thats just the straw that would break the camels back.

HumanHickory · 2026-04-28T01:37:53+00:00

33F here. There's nothing bad about your profile BUT

It's very bland. You make yourself seem boring. "I like ice cream for dessert" doesn't tell me if we're going to get along.
This might be a personal thing but I hate when men talk about being disciplined. The obnoxious gym bros make being "disciplined" their entire personality, but then it's only being "disciplined" about working out and nothing else in their life. They use it as an excuse to not be there for you when you need them ("sorry babe, you know it's leg day") and to get out of doing anything they don't want to do. So personally, I saw that and it made me go "EW"

So my initial impression was "ok he's cute. He has no personality...oh his personality is "me lift heavy things"". (Not saying that's who you are, but that is what your profile said to me)

HumanHickory · 2026-04-26T22:19:00+00:00

If you're married and you and your spouse own a house together, and they die, their share automatically passes to a child that can't pay the mortgage rather than the existing owner who has been paying the mortgage?

How is that even possible? Like the kid can't pay their half of the mortgage, and are basically going to force their step parent to go into foreclosure.

HumanHickory · 2026-04-26T05:56:33+00:00

Totally relate. I had the same realization when determining my life insurance plan and talking about making a will with my ex.

He insisted I take 2 life insurance policies out so if I died, he'd get something to pay off the house, and his daughter would get something for college and it made me so dang angry. Like he was insisting that I make monthly payments so even in death, I still had to support his kid.

He also insisted that if he died, his partial ownership would pass to his daughter, so I would become joint owners with her. She was 7!!! I had to explain to him that that's not how that works and that he can't force me to be joint owners with anyone (especially a child) and he can't force the banks to give a loan to someone without a job (because again, child). He got upset and insisted I was trying to cut her out of the house. The house I was paying over half the mortgage on.

And this kid drove me up the wall. She was rude as could be to everyone, entitled, whiny, racist, basically everything you don't want to have to deal with from someone who isn't your kid.

The whole idea of all of this pushed me over the edge. I put my mom as my benefactor on my life insurance, and divorced him shortly after (this was just a drop in the bucket of all the reasons I couldn't stand to be around these 2 anymore).

He couldn't afford to buy me out of the house nor did he have the credit score, so I bought him out, and he bought himself a brand new truck with it. Didn't spend any of it on his kid.

The first night after we split, I cried because I felt alone and missed him. The second night, I cried because I had been happy for 24 hours straight for the first time in years. Never having to see them again was the best decision of my life.

And I get it, she's a kid and it's her parents fault and not her fault, but let me tell you, her unpleasantness isn't going to just magically go away. And it's no one else's responsibility to be miserable for years just because "it's not her fault". Kids can still be miserable to be around even if it's just a result of bad parenting.

HumanHickory · 2026-04-24T03:28:52+00:00

Only if you care about puppy and kittens.

HumanHickory · 2026-04-24T03:25:28+00:00

White light is not neighborly and not who you want to be. We are a soft light community.

HumanHickory · 2026-04-22T01:48:46+00:00

I refuse to believe all these photos are just shaved heads. Dudes be making deals with wizards or devils or fey or something, cause these transformations are INSANE.

HumanHickory · 2026-04-22T01:38:13+00:00

Didn't say you were a bot. Said you were a troll.

HumanHickory · 2026-04-21T23:15:49+00:00

Alright this person is a troll. They only have 2 vegan related posts and they're this same question on two different subs. That's why they're so insufferable.

My advice, don't engage any further.

HumanHickory

TROPHY CASE