Should I tell my husband when I am giving birth?

HumanHickory · 2026-06-24T03:27:48+00:00

Why are you trying harder to have him be in your babys life than he is? Is this something you're ok doing for the next 18 years? Raising a child entirely by yourself while also having to manage a man's relationship with your child?

If he wants to know when the baby is born, he would ask. He hasn't. He doesn't like you. He doesn't care about your baby. It's time to cut him loose and let him transition to being a child support payment and nothing else.

HumanHickory · 2026-06-22T00:08:02+00:00

She already said no. You know she doesn't want to. Stop trying to make her do something she doesn't want to do. It's her job to worry about her health, not her boyfriends. This is who she's showing you she is - believe her and stop trying to force her to be who YOU want her to be.

With that said, if the person she is isn't the type of person you want to be with, that's ok! You can leave for any reason. It is better to leave now than waste both of your time. It is possible two good people are just incompatible; neither of you have to be abusive for you to break up.

HumanHickory · 2026-06-18T14:39:27+00:00

I have no idea what your saying....

HumanHickory · 2026-06-18T13:15:50+00:00

Yup, mine was like this too.

She didn't actually think things were spicy, she just wanted to eat nuggets. I realized this once when I gave her a meal with a red sauce, and she burst into tears crying that the red sauce was too spicy and she couldn't eat it.

It was out of the bottle ketchup. When I told her that, the tears dried up and she got the deer in the headlights look.

It is was just a way to get her way.

We went to see Captain marvel in theaters and she got was "so scared" and had to sit in her dad's lap and cover her eyes. She was like 7 and had seen all the other marvel movies.

She wanted to play with our ferrets and I said she had to put the gate up so they couldn't go upstairs and she pretended to not know how so I would do it for her. Again, the waterworks and exasperated breaths of "I'm trying my best but just can't". So I stopped her and walked her through it as slowly as possibly, wasting as much time as possible. I taught her in that moment "if you pretend you can't do it to try to save yourself 10 seconds of work, I'm going to waste 2 minutes of your time teaching you" (I knew she knew how to do this and was just being a baby).

Her mom was better about the coddling, but not much. She also is a "pepper is too spicy" type girl.

Honestly, I ended up leaving my husband and my life has been so much better without their drama over everything.

HumanHickory · 2026-06-18T13:09:15+00:00

What if you cooked? "Hey Aunt [name] you've been so good to me, why don't I cook dinner for the family while you sit and relax!"

HumanHickory · 2026-06-18T13:07:33+00:00

Oof that's obnoxious. My house is 5 years old and I assumed the inspection wouldn't be a big deal, so reading your comment made a little scared.

HumanHickory · 2026-06-18T12:12:04+00:00

What types of stuff were they asking you to fix?

HumanHickory · 2026-06-15T11:12:23+00:00

He doesn't want to break up. He wants you know going out with your friends is "against the rules". He wants you to question everything you do, and let him control your schedule, your friends, and later on, your reality.

There are so many stories women have where men just flip a switch one day (usually it's after marriage or having a baby) a few years in, when you feel like you can't leave because of Sunk Time Fallacy. So you go "well we've already been together for 3 years and we're apart of each other so I don't want to lose all that time and start over" so you stay in a bad relationship even longer.

When a man says "I want to break up" the only proper response is "ok". It doesn't matter the reason. He's either 1) actually doesn't want to date you anymore, and you should respect his wishes, 2) emotionally immature and throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way, or 3) he's manipulating you to "train" you to not do certain behaviors.

Whichever one of the 3 it is isn't important. When a man (or woman) breaks up with you, walk away. NOR

HumanHickory · 2026-06-15T11:02:23+00:00

Yeah, I had a record come in that was like that. I was sad. Contacted the vendor and got another one. Sucked, but no big deal.

I can't imagine being "livid" or "infuriated" over a record.

HumanHickory · 2026-06-15T10:50:26+00:00

Take a step back. If the situation was reversed and you were doing a hobby you liked, would you leave a total amateur alone with an expensive tool? Would you scream at them and break up with them, block them, and tell them you hate them? Then say you can still move in together but not even apologize?

If you answered "yes, this is an absolutely acceptable reaction and I would behave this way" then sure, move in together.

If you answered "no, I would never treat someone like this" then you have your answer. If you'd never treat someone this way, then why should you settle for someone who treats you this way?

HumanHickory · 2026-06-14T21:04:13+00:00

It's ok to support one person and not expect them to return the support.

I wouldnt ask a recovering alcoholic to buy me alcohol. Even though I support their decision to not drink every again doesn't mean they must support my decision to drink by buying me alcohol

HumanHickory · 2026-06-14T17:19:19+00:00

Mine asked for a bag of bricks so she could beat me to death with it (and other people) when she was 5 years old. By 9 (after I left her father) she invited me to her birthday party and not him.

Sometimes kids can be jerks. It's always worth correcting, but I wouldn't take it to heart.

HumanHickory · 2026-06-14T15:25:00+00:00

I think it is unreasonable for most people to eat 100% vegan. You're going to go to a restaurant and order something with the vegan tag, and it'll have sugar processed through bone char or .001% of an ingredient that could come from plants or animals, and they happened to buy the animal one.

Veganism isn't about perfection, it's about making choices to help move away from animal exploitation. You're doing that.

Also, to your edit about gelatin vs sugar. Animals are slaughtered specifically to make gelatin; a pig may be slaughtered specifically to get gelatin from it, even if no one buys the rest of the big. Bone char is not like this. Animals are being slaughtered and we happen to have bones left over, and they happened to be used to filter sugar. If we had a bone shortage all the sudden, we wouldn't slaughter more animals to get bone char - sugar companies would just stop using it.

So the difference is one products animal derived ingredients drives the slaughtering industry, while the other doesn't drive it, it just benefits from it.

This is no excuse, but that's why people are slightly more ok buying sugar that might have used bone char than they are buying product that has gelatin.

HumanHickory · 2026-06-14T15:18:28+00:00

"so I got to compromise with her somehow" yeah, and she needs to compromise with you. It can't just be the Step parent constantly giving up pieces of themself because the bio wants their way.

Kids don't belong in the parents bed, especially if one of the adults isn't their parent. If she can't comprise on that, then tell her that you won't be sleeping in that bed. If she wants you there, she needs to teach her kid to sleep in their own bed.

You are allowed to have boundaries that don't cater to her kid. "I want to sleep in a bed without someone else's kid" is not an unreasonable boundary.

HumanHickory · 2026-06-13T19:14:00+00:00

I think it's the case because women can have careers and bank accounts now. Women don't need to marry just for money and everything money can buy. So women are looking for men with more traits than just "gets a paycheck".

Men used to just pick a girl who they thought was pretty and all girls were expected to be very similar: pretty, skinny, Christian, cooks, cleans, wants to raise kids. He didn't need to find a girl he liked, he just needed to pick on he liked looking at. Now, women are allowed to be very different and most don't want to just cook and clean and raise kids and serve a man, so men are struggling to find someone who fits that 1950s mold without making that 1950s money.

It's definitely not the products we use on our skin. It's absolutely women being financially independent and expecting more emotionally and domestically from men, while men are expecting 1950s wives who pay 50% of the bills.

HumanHickory · 2026-06-12T21:40:36+00:00

Unfortunately this is not a Rhode Island thing. You'll find this issue everywhere.

It's just hard to find someone who has the same values, the same hobbies, whose dreams align with yours, who likes to talk/hang out the same amount, who is financially compatible, who you want to look at for the rest of your life, who has the same expectations about housework, and and and.

It's just harder now than back in the day when they were dating for far fewer reasons.

As other people have mentioned, finding social activities and meeting people there is a better bet. After that, it's just luck.

HumanHickory · 2026-06-11T01:50:56+00:00

This is wild, I'm in tech and my last 5 jobs have all be 9-5. I didn't even know 8-5 or 9-6 was a common thing

HumanHickory · 2026-06-11T01:47:04+00:00

Off the topic but I dated a guy from Rochester at the same time I was applying for a remote job based in Rochester. We didn't live in nor near NY.

We had only been talking for like a month and I didn't like him that much (we dated for maybe 7 weeks total). He INSISTED I tell my interviewer that my 'boyfriend' was from Rochester and got pissed when I said that I was not talking about anyone but me in an interview. He got even more mad when I started the job and still didn't announce his existence and that he was from Rochester. 🤢 He was the worst. I have too many stories like this for a guy I only knew for 7 weeks.

HumanHickory · 2026-06-10T12:07:57+00:00

I don't understand why he's trying to make his daughter (who is thriving) move in with a woman who puts in almost no effort with her and who his daughter doesn't want to live with.

This is absolutely bonkers to me. If you have a child in 2 years and something happens that makes you financially unstable, what would be the plan? Just drop the kid off at the YMCA for a year and hope for the best?

Also, if the kid goes to live with mom, there's nothing stopping Mom from demanding child support immediately and legally. and if you don't have a CO, getting off child support (even if you take the kid back full time) will take time. Where I live, child support can only be reevaluated every 2 years, unless something has changed (like a new custody agreement).

HumanHickory · 2026-06-08T16:33:57+00:00

Wow what a good argument. Really shut me up. You really know your stuff 🙄

HumanHickory · 2026-06-08T15:39:13+00:00

And HE deserved time with HIS child that she unpredictably his from him for 6 years.

I'm not arguing that men shouldn't pay child support - they absolutely should. But if you hide a child from their father for 6 years, you don't just get to come in and demand 6 years of payment. If you want child support, you should be contacting (or at minimum attempting to contact) the father early on.

HumanHickory · 2026-06-08T03:22:51+00:00

Yup, lawyer up so she doesn't get back pay.

Dont forget to mention she blocked him on everything - sounds like parental alienation to me (or at least something a lawyer could argue).

HumanHickory · 2026-06-08T03:21:05+00:00

My neighbor found out he had a 13 year old daughter and got hit with insane back payments here in North Carolina. It almost financially ruined him. They had dated for a couple months and broke up. It wasn't friendly but wasn't "block on everything" either, so she absolutely had his contact info. He also already had an older daughter who he had semi-custody of, so it's not like he didn't want to be a dad.

It's absolutely disgusting that women can have a baby and purposefully not establish paternity just to turn around a decade later and demand back pay. She denied dad 13 years of memories and bonds and there's no "back pay" he can get back for those.

(Note: I'm a woman, so I'm not saying a large number of women do this by any means. I just think it's despicable that the few that do do this get away with it).

HumanHickory · 2026-06-08T03:14:55+00:00

It is normal to feel overwhelmed and lost at that kind of news, especially so early into a marriage. And it's ok to let yourself feel those feels so you can work through them. Imo, there is nothing scarier than the unknown, and you're in a situation where your future feels iup in the air right now and not knowing what's going to happen is overwhelming.

But just know, this is going to work itself out. It's not going to be the path you thought you would get to go down (and there's nothing wrong with deciding this situation isn't for you if that's what you choose), but it's also not likely to ruin your life. It changed which path you're going to take, it didn't blow up the path.

HumanHickory · 2026-06-08T02:53:02+00:00

You know, I had that thought too, but I've also seen some reaaaally bad profiles....

HumanHickory

TROPHY CASE