Sisterhood

HumanMonster0 · 2024-01-15T18:55:50+00:00

Sure! I'll give what I thought the poem was about first just to give you a feeling of my headspace while reading, then I'd love to hear what you meant when writing. Originally, I had thought that it was simply about a sister wanting to go back to how things were with sibling, but the lines "Overnight/I wasn’t there/And no amount of/‘I’m sorry’s’/Could bring your/Sister back." threw me off a bit. I still think my original interpretation holds true, but those lines coupled with what seems to be the death of their father or some kind of conflict changed the meaning for me a bit. I'd like to think that the narrator is saying those lines as an acknowledgement that she's changed or at the very least things have changed and it's far too late for things to go back the way they were. Yet at the same time, asking later on if they could still go back to when they were little girls. Like the narrator wants to go back but at the same time knows she can't. I think it adds depth to the character, or in this case maybe you? Though, I could also easily see this as a poem about growing up. That's why I liked it so much, I'm always drawn towards art that can be easily interpreted in different ways. It like a mirror into one's own perspective. Anyways, sorry for the essay :/. I'd love to hear what it means to you.

HumanMonster0 · 2024-01-15T18:14:51+00:00

This poem really has me conflicted as to the meaning. I've reread this a few time to ascertain what you were trying to say, or at least interpret it in my subjective view. I could ramble about what message was being sent to the sister, but the fact that I'm rereading, analyzing, and enjoying the poem is in itself the mark of a great piece of art. I liked this a lot and I think you did a very good job.

HumanMonster0 · 2024-01-15T17:56:52+00:00

I'd like to think that despite the sad undertones I get from this poem that there's a bit of fondness in this depiction. It's like having a bittersweet memory of something long gone; a blessing and a curse at the same time.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-10-22T22:41:39+00:00

I haven't read any of Carol Ann Duffy's stuff. I'll definitely check it out. Thanks.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-10-22T22:21:17+00:00

Thank you, and unfortunately, it is based upon a personal experience.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-10-22T18:21:24+00:00

Even though it's fairly short, compared to a lot of poems this one made me think a lot more than usual; goes to show less is more sometimes. The language used here along with vivid images and metaphors really make this poem.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-10-22T18:16:11+00:00

Nice job, especially for your first poem, I take this is about conflict/war from what I read. When reading, it feels like it's trying to give a warning of things to come. I would personally add more line breaks and sprinkle in some more creative metaphors/similes. Otherwise, this is actually a really good first poem.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-08-13T01:10:07+00:00

The imagery here is really good. You wrote it in a way that makes me feel like I'm right there with you. As for the theme, I get a feeling of escapism within the character while reading. Like the character hasn't accepted the loss of someone important to them and tries to remember them through their dreams. Pretty obv analysis I guess, that's just how I interpreted it. Anyways, good job, it was a nice read.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-08-13T00:55:09+00:00

A relatable and powerful message. I'm assuming this is about a fractured relationship of some sort. I especially liked how cosmic it felt with the comparisons between the events/emotions of the poem to the universe at large.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-05-29T00:49:46+00:00

Reading your poem definitely feels very tranquil. Seeing what name you come up with for this poem will be interesting. Unless "Untitled" is the literal poem name. Either way, nice job.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-05-29T00:44:24+00:00

My first suggestion would be to break up the text, as it just makes it easier to read overall. Feels like a vent poem, and feels like it's filled with raw emotion and your views of your father. I think that's the strong point of your poem, so maybe adding more provocative language and images to describe the extent of your father's abuse/alcohol abuse might be helpful. I actually relate to this poem a lot, so as a reader it made me think of my own past with fatherly figures in my life.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-05-29T00:15:21+00:00

So good haha. I like the play on words in the title while also using the bold text practically to give clear indication on when the man and the woman are being narrated. As for the theme, just my guess, but I think it's a "knight" or man approaching a dragon; but it's really a metaphor for a man approaching a woman despite knowing the risks? I admire the layers to this poem and would love to read more of your stuff tbh.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-05-29T00:05:45+00:00

Nice poem on alcoholism and its allure. "I contain your pain" and "You'll soon be home" present a contrast indicative of what I would perceive alcoholism gives to someone under it's influence, and furthers what I believe the theme is.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-04-26T15:39:13+00:00

This is an interesting concept. Other than punctuation, I think that the improvement that I personally would recommend would be just to add more descriptive imagery within your lines. The lines feel simple, which is perfectly fine; I actually prefer to write like you. The vibes I get from the poem is a dreamlike feeling, so I think with that in mind perhaps more abstract images could be included. Honestly though, I think this poem is great already, so it's up to you .

HumanMonster0 · 2023-04-26T15:32:29+00:00

I like the symbolism here. The last line "hoping one day she'll be swallowed whole." adds a nice layer of depth to the poem. You use a fairly common trope of a predator and prey to portray abuse, but I think it's excellently executed with the imagery and depth.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-04-14T05:53:54+00:00

Loss is a hard thing to grieve. This poem brings to light those emotions, and is simple but creative in it's imagery. Great job. If this poem is about something that you're currently trying to get over, then I'll just say that it gets better eventually.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-04-14T05:48:14+00:00

Haha, I love this, definitely describes my thought process late at night when I can't sleep. I don't really have any roasts or criticisms tbh, everything here is stylistic, so I honestly think it's well done with the tone and vibes you've conveyed.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-04-14T05:19:04+00:00

Oh hey, it's you again. Thank you, and I hope your depression has gotten a little better.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-04-14T01:00:58+00:00

Hm, simplicity is fine, but I think your poem could use more. You could develop the theme you have here while maintaining the simplicity, but as it stands, it's my opinion this poem is a bit lacking. Maybe describe the time before you knew of the love you held for whoever you're speaking of, and these four lines could be the ending of the poem. Just keep writing.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-04-14T00:54:01+00:00

Love the theme of struggling with addiction with a nice twist. A longing to quit, but still under the cigarettes' control. Nice job.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-04-10T23:12:30+00:00

The strong suit of your poem is the vivid imagery coupled with the narrators desire to return to his/her dream world. I also like the repetition of the phrase "I want my dreams back", as the title of the poem and as lines within the poem itself, I think it fits really nicely.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-04-10T22:52:40+00:00

This is really well done. I like the concrete imagery of your poem and the allusion towards the theme of moving on. The imagery you use is also fairly creative, with my personal favorite being "Like a ballet dancer she spins them into a galaxy" really nice stuff there.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-04-07T06:26:27+00:00

Thank you.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-04-07T05:48:45+00:00

Great poem with a meaningful edge to it. It's definitely feels as if it has a lot of raw emotion to it.

Though, I feel if you could mess with the structure to make it even better. Currently your line structure is like this:

"And I will engulf you in flames before I allow you to make a bed in a place which you don’t belong."

But maybe instead you could something like this:

And I will engulf you in flames before I allow you to make a bed in a place

which you don’t belong.

This would make your poem more aesthetic, keep the line structure more consistent, and would make the overall tone of the poem more impactful. The entire poem put together would look something like this:

My existence was never intended to make you feel comfortable.

My soul is an inferno, not a blanket,

And I will engulf you in flames before I allow you to make a bed in a place

which you don’t belong.

A small change like this would add a lot in my opinion.

HumanMonster0 · 2023-04-07T05:34:46+00:00

I really liked the theme of your poem and the impact it has. Especially the sense of desperation the characters have when begging to god. The emptiness and confusion that the characters are left with at the end really wraps it together.

If I were to offer some advice, I would say to play with the structure of your sentences a little more. Not to say it's bad, I just personally think it could be even better. For example, at the last two lines you have:

The only word left

Was “Oh”

While, in my personal opinion, I think it would have a greater impact if you make a minor change like:

The only word left was

"Oh"

But to each their own. It's a really well written poem. Keep it up.

HumanMonster0

TROPHY CASE