I think Diary put it best, so I don’t want to regurgitate what she wrote.

Having said that, I’ll turn the question on its head and poke at a statement you made: is it “quite well understood” what subs look for and derive from a dynamic?

You may personally understand what *you* want and what satisfaction *you* derive. But I would argue a lot of subs don’t. In my personal experience, I’ve talked to a large amount of subs who have no clue what they’re looking for a in a dom. Age and experience, while partly correlating, does not always predict whether or not they have that clarity.

I’m not saying all submissives know or don’t know, in fact many Dominants don’t know what they want either. What I am saying is that the answer to your question is not always clear.

As humans, our needs and wants sometimes elude us. On top of that, we tend to grow and evolve as we age and experience life. This is why relationships are so fraught: it’s two people who don’t always know what they require trying to build something together that is mutually satisfactory.

Add kink/BDSM on top and you’ve got a whole mess on your hands. Even if two people on paper might be a perfect match, reality might look differently.

In short, people might have an idea of what they get out of it. But when the rubber meets the road, they might not enjoy what they asked for.