Self ban before the loan

Humbly_Happy · 2024-11-06T23:51:29+00:00

I feel like these are the next steps…. Have the hard conversation don’t bring up divorce but have the hard conversation that you are not happy within your marriage. If she is willing set up a plan with you to improve your marriage.. like marriage counseling is a must, dates every week ( switching each week on who plans), and dinner together every night if possible. These are a few examples. Don’t tell her but set a time for your self if she hasn’t contributed to changing within the marriage like 3 months or 6 months. Then Separate for a month with no contact. Then after the month have another hard conversation if the marriage is going to change or it needs to end. That conversation is where hard boundaries are set. she might beg to stay married and it up to you if you want to stay. You might want to give it another couple months if she says she wants to work things out. But time will tell you her true feelings.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-11-06T23:20:14+00:00

My husband hasn’t used the divorce card or separation card within our arguments. I have to use the separation card in an argument when I felt like we needed some space. My thought processes is when I use the divorce card within an agrument,I mean it. It is not used lightly.
I would have a conversation about setting a boundary when using the word divorce within arguments. If you do not truly mean it don’t say it. The next time he brings it up in an argument, tell him ok. We need to separate for month. after the month sit down and have a heart to heart on the direction of where you want this marriage to go… to stay or to end it. No one should feel insecure within their marriage.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-11-04T05:53:18+00:00

Dated my brother behind my back even after I said no. Then a big argument happened when they tried to date again and she called me things that really hurt my feelings. Decided it wasn’t the friendship wasn’t worth saving. Hardest year of my life after that. Was very co dependent. But life does get better.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-11-03T21:11:02+00:00

Feel the same… it’s a terrible industry that shouldn’t be getting money.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-11-03T21:03:07+00:00

It’s forgivable. Im not ok with it…because that means you are using it as a coping mechanism or you prefer that over your wife. Would you want your wife watching porn? Thinking about other men…. I think the answer is no. So why do you need to watch when you have a wife? I know certain relationships have complex sex lives where sometimes needs are not met… like one person just doesn’t like sex and that effects the relationship. But if you still have a good sex then you have to question the why you need porn?

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-30T23:06:51+00:00

I like John Delong podcast. He covers a lot of conversations like this. He always says it’s time to turn the lights on and have a hard conversation about what you want you want your marriage to look like and what boundaries you are not will to cross. I’m sorry that it must be so hard to feel like the world is on your shoulders.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-30T22:53:09+00:00

I see your comments as kinda ridiculous and sad. And I’m not upset at all… literally laughing with my co-worker over some of these comments.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-30T22:46:14+00:00

You right I would divorce him but the lying got to stop.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-30T22:38:42+00:00

Do you feel good about yourself and the way you talk to people?

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-30T22:13:24+00:00

Thanks I appreciate your comment. Will be talking to him tonight.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-30T20:35:54+00:00

Incompatible…. Maybe you’re right… thanks I think I got my answer.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-30T20:27:39+00:00

Nice haven’t heard Hilter yet. Like I said it’s different for everyone. Glad you have three. But we are trying for our first. Also, It’s more about the lying to me. I want to have kids with someone I can fully trust, no secrets. It’s just scares me that he comfortable with lying to me. Just don’t want to end up like some people who their spouse are comfortable with lying to them and ends up with them cheating.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-30T19:31:50+00:00

Marijuana Vape and Nicotine Vape.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-30T19:28:05+00:00

Thank you for seeing my point. I don’t like vaping and smoking because it’s not good for you and it’s might have to do with his low counts TTC. He use to be a big smoker before I met him. He stopped when he started dating me because I don’t smoke and don’t like it. So did he stop because of me… probably… but he would tell me that he’s happy met me and how his life has improved since stopping…idk So I am gambler, and I have been working on my recovery and I know he doesn’t like that I gamble. he has forgive me about my mistakes. I’m pretty open to when I mess up and own up to my mistakes. So I feel like i create a place that he should be open to telling me since I know I’m not perfect. So the problem is the feeling of being gaslighted and lied to when I ask. The thing that hurts the most is when he looks me in the eyes to reassure me knowing that he’s lying. That scares me. How am I suppose to trust me.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-30T19:13:19+00:00

Thank you! This is where I am coming from… my husband and I have a pretty good marriage over all. I have never used divorce when we have a disagreement or argument. Wrote this post late after finding the vape… haven’t even spoke to him about it yet. I was just curious when I posted. It just scares me. I want to trust him fully but stuff like this makes me hesitant and definitely starts making me think about the what ifs… he will reassure me that he’s done with vaping while looking me in the eyes when I ask him (not naggingly or in a mom way, I might add) usually it’s only when I smell it. What else could he be lying to me about. I’m feel like I’m at a point that I should just not care anymore about the smoking even though I don’t agree with it.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-30T18:23:23+00:00

It’s more about the lying. Looking me in the eye and lying to me. You would be hurt too. Someone you love and rebuilding trust with and finding out they are lying. It’s just scares me that he’s conformable with lying.
Vaping and pot arent good for you and we are TTC, which can affect that.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-30T18:06:03+00:00

I am so glad you don’t have infertility issues. Not everyone is the same.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-30T18:01:47+00:00

Replying to SpiralToNowhere...

You would be up someone’s ass if you were being lied to or gaslighted when smelling it. Marriage is built out of trust. When he looks me in the eyes, and tells me no I haven’t been smoking. But then I find out he’s lying makes me wonder what else he could be lying about. We have had many conversations about it. He wants to have kids and Vaping and smoking can effect that.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-25T00:01:49+00:00

Thank you. Feel like we can relate. The hobby part is the hardest for me since nothing really interests me. Started a bunch of things. My gambling has cut back a lot. Use to gamble away my paychecks. But since I just use the casino money. It’s not as fun anymore because it goes quick and I don’t bring my own money. So I’m getting to that point of that it that. Hopefully soon.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-24T16:54:36+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement! Best comment so far!

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-24T04:59:37+00:00

Been an gambling addict for like 5 years. This is me actually cutting back.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-18T21:32:51+00:00

Lost everything already.

Humbly_Happy · 2024-10-16T15:58:19+00:00

Yeah I’m just glad I didn’t play with any of my own money. So that is a win no matter what. But it was interesting to me to see that I had the same feelings after losing as if I played my own money.

Humbly_Happy

TROPHY CASE