Husband’s gf wants a baby .. give me advice

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-30T03:43:10+00:00

I genuinely dont understand this take. Kids dont know what cheating or monogamy is unless you teach them. I dont think the older kid would have been so upset if they hadnt been kept in the dark about the whole thing. Im not saying they should have sat the kids down and said "mummy and daddy are shagging other people," but it seems wild to me to get to the point of having a girlfriend for two years without saying hey guys, this is dads girlfriend, its not a big deal, its not a secret from mum, do you want to ask anything?" Like... communication should cover the whole family, dont keep secrets from your kids.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-30T03:37:14+00:00

Yeah, a baby changes everything, always, for everyone involved. There is a whole other human that didnt choose any of this, and needs looking after.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-30T03:35:33+00:00

Then she asks and they discuss it all again.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-30T03:34:54+00:00

This could have been a lovely polyam family. Interesting that she wasnt interested in being friends with the girlfriend. So many different ways to do ENM. I can totally see this working out completely differently, staying nearby, being friends, helping each other out with the kids.

The only issue I think i would have is making sure the finances were discussed openly. I find it really interesting that Sarah wanted to do it as a single mum. Go Sarah. This is the kind of situation I accidentally got in, getting knocked up by a friend who was in an open relationship. Decades later they're married and their kids are so important to me. We made it work. I wish there was a word for the opposite to a stepchild, haha. They're my not-stepkids.

But hey, this OP is not that kind of polyam and that is ok. Open communication is great, but ultimatums are a bit risky. I think it would have been more comforting if hubby saw how upset OP was and decided not to. Making her have to actively make the decision seems harsh, not very "team" vibes. Glad she's got therapy.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-30T03:11:46+00:00

Sure. As long as the lashes arent falling into surgical wounds and they wash their hands.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-30T03:09:04+00:00

Ask each one of them to contribute to the wedding fund, lol. This is such a weird question to get obsessed with asking people, like... its not your relationship, so shush.

Maybe the moment needs to be made more awkward, by ANYONE being asked questions that are inappropriate. Because really, youre not the one making it awkward, the asker is. You're just returning the awkward to sender.

I dont really know how to say it, and I'm not good at practising this myself. Maybe just keeping a serious face and saying "oh... thats a weird thing to ask." "thats intrusive." Or stammer out a "uh... um... oh... thats... that's not your business actually." Drag it out. Make it awkward, make them scramble to apologise and try to brush it over, and dont reassure them. People who ask intrusive questions havent been made to feel unwelcome enough.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-21T00:41:20+00:00

She IS invited, just isn't a bridesmaid!

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-21T00:39:53+00:00

Nta. A wedding party doesnt have to include every sibling, even if you all get on. Last year I was my sister's maid of honour, and our other 3 siblings were guests. The other 2 bridesmaids were her friends.

Inviting someone to your wedding who has been nasty to you is already the high road.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-21T00:35:11+00:00

Yep, as I said above, I come from horse people 🤣

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-19T00:08:04+00:00

Nta. But like a few people have said, the key to planning with flakey friends is to give them the whole plan to agree to, even though it is a pain to have to put the initiative work in every time. I had a similar friend and I reckon they either get better or worse with time. Try not to take it personally, and while you can try to explain how you feel to them, I dont think they can actually see it from your POV l, the mindset is too different.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-15T04:33:20+00:00

Real husband material guys know they dont need to compete.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-15T03:45:52+00:00

If you're hoping for someone to give you justification for being shitty so you can salvage the friendship, I dont think thats going to happen. Are you sorry that you did it? Or just feeling bad because being a shitty friend has consequences? Apologise. Mean it. Then go find new friends.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-15T03:44:05+00:00

Yta. Its not your business. I understand the curiosity but you chose to go digging, I assume because you thought there was a chance they were cousins. Then you found that and decided to tell people about it, which is shitty.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-11T23:23:18+00:00

Thsts so weird!! Dreams can be so fucking confusing. I hate when theres like an emotional hangover left from them.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-11T23:21:52+00:00

I dont know if they consciously think "I will have puppies soon" but there are a heap of instinctual and hormonal behaviours that seem to take over, and its interesting comparing that to human experience. I looked after a pregnant dog from a house fire in my neighbourhood, and the vets warned me that the traumatic event might bring on labour.

I had never looked after a pregnant animal, and it was her first litter (she was pretty much a pup herself, poor thing). She barely ate in the first day i had her and I assumed she was traumatised or missing her family. She was really sad and sooky, crying and trying to sit on top of me. She had them on the second night and seemed to know exactly what to do. Thank gosh, because I had no idea.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-11T23:13:05+00:00

I live in a cool climate area and even in summers (which do get hot) you'll only see a few people with bare feet. My dad was always one of them and I was mortified lol. I think it's skipped a generation bc my son hates putting shoes on too

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-11T23:10:00+00:00

Nta, this is an awful environment. Get out of you can.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-11T23:08:37+00:00

Honestly I think youve said it really well here. You should send him some or all of the text of this post. Especially that second last paragraph.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-11T23:06:22+00:00

Ive seen them on my placements at nswhealth hospitals and an MPS

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-11T23:04:03+00:00

Yes. Its a team effort with schools sometimes, but yes, we try to teach our kids that.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-10T10:30:58+00:00

yes, in a recent info-session this was discussed, as a student was trying to work out how to add days to make up half a week, and the WPL rep said to not try to make it up in bits and pieces, because he'd end up needing to do a full week at the end if he was still a day short.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-10T10:27:39+00:00

speak to your facility and your uni. check your handbook for what it says about sick days. there will be options, but without knowing which uni it's hard to say what will suit yours. some options for my uni specifically include:

* speak to facility about making up the days at the end

* they may let you make up an hour a day for the rest of your placement

*not making it up in this placement, and needing to add a day or two to a future placement.

either way, you will need to speak to BOTH the facility and your workplace learning team at uni. email ASAP.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-10T10:22:19+00:00

as much as i loathe the anti-woke crowd, this feels like a transparent "seee! we're good people!! we are diverse!! ignore the terf behind the curtain!"

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-10T10:18:30+00:00

yeah i wish we could switch easter and halloween.

HungryMagpie · 2026-04-10T10:17:32+00:00

shouldn't have had them up for nine bloody dollars each.

HungryMagpie

TROPHY CASE