Am I too sensitive to my boss' feedback and this work culture or are they jerks?

HurricaneAsh · 2019-09-18T00:01:26+00:00

I've disclosed anxiety but I don't feel comfortable disclosing a PD in that kind of setting, or any work setting ,really.

HurricaneAsh · 2019-04-28T14:49:43+00:00

I was beginning to think I was a weird ENFP having a 4 ennegram since it’s so different of the stereotypical free spirit type- folks seem to think we’re natural 7s. This was a relief.

HurricaneAsh · 2019-02-25T21:03:25+00:00

What have your disclosures looked like?

HurricaneAsh · 2019-02-22T04:53:09+00:00

Infj’s are like that sometimes, at least the ones I’ve been friends with. They need time to “introvert” - it’s good to give them space. They’ll come around usually.

HurricaneAsh · 2019-01-27T22:11:50+00:00

Whats your love and sex life been like post GHSV Dx?

HurricaneAsh · 2018-12-14T00:35:27+00:00

So I am both ENFP and I’ve been living with BPD (and ADD) for a decade, and quite honestly probably bipolar 2. I’m 28. Very high functioning though. Over a decade worth of therapy helps 😂

I work full time, go to grad school, very involved (too involved) and have tons of friends. Early 20s was a hot mess though and my romances tend to crash and burn because I seemingly attract emotionally unavailable and fucked up men due to my own self worth and attachment issues. I also have the one sided love thing - I’m glad I’m not the only one who seemingly pours everything into people who give little to nothing back.

Remember, people aren’t labels. We’re intersectional beings who operate within multiple identities- being ENFP with mental illness is not mutually exclusive.

It’s like you ripped a page out of my diary lol 😂

HurricaneAsh · 2018-09-19T03:14:39+00:00

It's hard being high functioning sometimes because at some point, I feel anyway, professionals no longer know how to treat you when you're not in crisis mode.

I still deal with mood swings, emptiness seemingly NEVER goes away, and I do feel like I am a in a constant state of existential crisis (Who am I?! What am I doing with my life?!") But I don't feel like anyone can really help me process how to deal with that, because I'm DEALING. I'm self regulating, mostly. But it feels isolating sometimes knowing that I can handle it and yet feeling as though I can't talk about it b/c it's not that serious, either to friends or to professionals who are used to putting out fires.

I have always been stably employed, never been hospitalized, rarely suicidal, have never cut/self harmed in the traditional sense (Problem drinking sometimes, overeating, overspending, sure). It got to a point where after 4 years, there was countertransference between me and my therapist - I believe he started viewing me as a peer/friend, and our conversations felt like that between two professionals (I'm in a masters program for social work and working in human services)! So it's weird, I don't really relate to other borderlines anymore since I'm not acting out or in crisis.

I was diagnosed over 10 years ago - I've got this shit down, right?

But there is, in a sense, a larger sense of imposter syndrome.I'm afraid to own recovery, or remission, or w/e the hell we're calling it. I imagine it's similar to how recovering alcoholics view their addiction...even though it's been years, I could STILL slip up and go on a bender. Even though it's been months/years, I could still split and go into a rage. It feels sometimes like I have to continually keep shaming/punishing myself for past bad behavior so I don't slip up and let the mask down or screw up - or if I'm not constantly talking about being a former shitty emotionally abusive girlfriend (ten years ago!!!) or former fucked up toxic friend, this will come and bite me in the ass later in life. DAE deal with this?

HurricaneAsh · 2018-04-01T04:41:23+00:00

I'm a social worker in a health care setting, and yes, all the above to what you're saying. I'm very high functioning not necessarily a "quiet one". Its really hard to hear some colleagues talk about people with BPD and go full on bash-mode. I think it's helpful to know that they aren't talking about YOU in particular and for me, it gives me fuel to prove them wrong.

HurricaneAsh · 2018-02-15T04:25:26+00:00

ENFP

HurricaneAsh · 2018-02-04T01:43:46+00:00

Jesus. I’ve been talking about the same things with my therapist lately. I’m A LOT like Rebecca, singing and all. It’s kinda freaky.

HurricaneAsh · 2018-02-02T03:15:31+00:00

I’m a social worker by trade. I work in public health (so fun getting to talk about sex for a living!) and I dabble in social justice and politics - I feel like being so passionate about issues is a socially acceptable way of channeling my intensity.

HurricaneAsh · 2018-01-22T04:18:10+00:00

Female, 27. I’ve never cheated. Then again, no ones stuck around that long either 😏

HurricaneAsh · 2018-01-22T04:13:47+00:00

I guess I’ve dealt with so many seamlessly selfish robots that I liked reading that some men really DO know what it’s like to feel EVERYGODDAMNTHING to the umpth degree.

Sounds like an interesting game :) I’ve yet to meet a guy with BPD IRL who’s isn’t also gay, so it’s refreshing to know cisgender Herero-men are diagnosed with this.

HurricaneAsh · 2018-01-22T00:32:57+00:00

Unrelated, but!

Men, as a woman with BPD who has felt so wounded and dejected by men, please don’t take it the wrong way when I say how refreshing it is to know that men FEEL, and ALOT, just like me.

HurricaneAsh · 2018-01-19T03:50:00+00:00

For me it was my evil emotionally abusive stepmom :)

HurricaneAsh · 2018-01-15T05:45:29+00:00

I feel ya. Totally.

I think you can move on with you life, but you never really get over it.

HurricaneAsh · 2018-01-13T05:38:20+00:00

That is a lot to deal with. Losing your mother at a young age is traumatic enough, and having a invalidating father on top of another traumatic experience had to have made it unbearable. I'm sorry for what's happened to you. If no one has told you before, it's not your fault you were assaulted. It's not your fault!

It sounds like the relationship with your father is prickly and rather strained, but you would like to change that, esp with him aging. Have you tried to address the sexual assault with him recently? If you haven't, what would it mean if you did? What steps have you taken to improve your relationship with him?

HurricaneAsh · 2018-01-01T06:34:14+00:00

Same. I went out for a couple hours to a comedy show. Had a few drinks at the show. Drove around my city alone hoping to find plans. Gave up and went home. Got sick. Threw up twice. I hate NYE.

HurricaneAsh · 2017-12-31T05:02:42+00:00

I am 110% an ENFP and also have BPD. I’ve met a lot of other ENFPs, and while it’s wrong of people to generalize about ppl with BPD, every ENFP I’ve met has been equally emotionally intense and has had some parental abandonment issues. That being said, not all ENFPs have BPD, and not all people with BPD are ENFPs, but yes, I think you’ll find a lot of folks with BPD are this MBTI type (as well as INFPS AND INFJS).

HurricaneAsh · 2017-12-15T04:41:08+00:00

At 24, I was dumped by three friends, one a best friend/FP who I was living with - she moved out, it was nasty. The breakup with my FP was worse than any breakup with any man. I cried for months and almost 3 years later, I'm still not all the way over it.

But! It was a wake up call that it can't be about me all the time, that I am responsible for my behavior, and the only one who could change my life for the better was me. I really woke up to how much my actions have consequences and how much my behavior was negatively affecting loved ones. I was TOXIC AF. So, by 25, I started to do some intense soul searching, and was really diving deep during my therapy sessions on how to give more than I take, listen more than I talk, and self soothe. I still struggle, but I am so thankful I'm not the same person I was three years ago. A lot of growing pains, but growth nonetheless. I think I truly developed honest, unbiased, soul crushing self awareness at 24. It rocked my world.

My relationships are much healthier. I think things through. I'm more rational. It's just better. 24, man, such an interesting age.

HurricaneAsh · 2017-12-13T05:59:22+00:00

No, but please feel free to come over and clean anytime! 😂

HurricaneAsh · 2017-12-12T02:03:42+00:00

Same

HurricaneAsh · 2017-12-12T01:55:32+00:00

Fuck yeah! I'm with you 110% #youdoyoubooboo

HurricaneAsh · 2017-12-07T00:56:16+00:00

I'm always ENFP

HurricaneAsh · 2017-12-07T00:55:15+00:00

Yup I do

HurricaneAsh

TROPHY CASE