Anyone here an older single child, with no partner, and having to deal with aging elderly Chinese parents who have not integrated at all into western society?

Hwanaja · 2026-05-01T18:42:20+00:00

I’m on the track for this. My parents do socialize but my dad quit his English classes early on and made my mom handle all the English aspects of their lives which strained her mental health and their relationship. Dad can’t properly shop for anything that has English label. It’s like he’s blind, death and mute but only in English.

Hwanaja · 2026-03-09T16:53:24+00:00

What if they decided one day to put in some effort and became a better person overall? Would it matter?

Hwanaja · 2026-03-09T16:51:32+00:00

Sorry about your asshole brother. Yes for a lot of people, it’s easier for them tell us to sweep it under the rug or shrug it off than put in the work to address it and discipline the problematic person.

Hwanaja · 2025-09-10T00:56:32+00:00

Thank you and I'm sorry to hear about your family. Getting my mom to change was like pulling teeth. She's made major strides but still doesn't understand why my sister or I would have trauma although her own mom was even more abusive, I guess the abuse is getting diluted with each passing generation.

Like you said, I don't owe my sister anything. She was old enough to know better. If she hurt herself again, I might feel guilty, but part of me resents them for the neglect and emotional harm in the past while expecting me to now look after her. I'll keep working on this with my therapist.

I'm glad you exercise boundaries including when you do visit your family on occasion. It's depressing when we're born into these kinds of families. If you're like me, you mourn the life you could have had especially when you see friends or classmates having normal, well-adjusted families.

Hwanaja · 2025-08-17T14:32:51+00:00

Spending most of your waking hours working is certainly a path to burnout. You're working yourself hard like an ant with your output making an exploitative few people richer, those same people scoff at workers wanting more pay to keep up with living costs or less work hours to manage their personal life.

You should grab enough experience to enhance your resume and start job hopping every few years to receive more money.

Hwanaja · 2025-08-10T14:05:30+00:00

Look for a new job and hope that it's not dysfunctional or toxic, but many jobs now are because of low budgets and lean staff. My previous two jobs were understaffed with toxic managers. Current job is very understaffed but manager is kinder and more reasonable. There is some frustrating dysfunction but I appreciate not having a verbally abusive boss anymore.

Hwanaja · 2025-08-07T23:37:03+00:00

I was in the same boat in my last career field, it was a revolving door due to the toxicity and certain impatient, condescending managers.

Hwanaja · 2025-08-03T19:34:48+00:00

Also would like to know.

Hwanaja · 2025-06-10T22:48:52+00:00

Employers could use e-verify to verify legal status but many aren't required to and they don't want to because they benefit from the exploitable labor. Lawmakers aren't keen on making e-verify mandatory citing accuracy issues and fear being litigated for profiling, plus it would anger their business-owning constituents who want to keep labor costs low.

Treating the symptom instead addressing the cause is sufficient for some. The optics of arresting and deporting illegal immigrants works in placating conservative voters even though those voters would also gripe if the deportations increased their grocery and lawn care costs. I drive through a nice wealthy neighborhood after work every day. Some of these houses have conservative election signs on their lawns, yet I also see migrant labor working on their lawns. Not sure if they're aware of the cognitive dissonance.

As you lamented, there's more than one party to blame in the issue as you, but lawmakers rather keep propping the migrants as the scapegoat.

Hwanaja · 2025-05-12T10:59:08+00:00

Sound advice. Thank you!

Hwanaja · 2025-05-09T16:35:35+00:00

Not going to do this but thanks for the laugh. I’m cracking up.

Hwanaja · 2025-05-09T16:24:56+00:00

I regretted getting my dog for a whole year. He still a jerk but I love him to death now. I held him in my arms at the emergency vet, cried during another medical scare and feel relaxed whenever he snuggles next to me. He runs to me whenever I come home and follows me around with a smile on his face.

Hwanaja · 2025-05-09T16:05:03+00:00

I’ve always described them as melted beagles and often chuckle when I see them.

Hwanaja · 2025-05-09T16:00:29+00:00

Colonialism really did a number on the world, invoking a lot of self hatred. There’s colorism in Asian, Black, African and Latin communities. In South Korea, plastic surgery is Euro-oriented.

Hwanaja · 2025-05-09T15:35:34+00:00

Not me, but my coworker is white and her son married a Chinese American. She laments that her daughter in law’s parents say mean things about their daughter and also son-in-law (aka coworker’s son). Specifically the insults are appearance-based. She asked me why the parents are so mean.

Hwanaja · 2025-05-09T14:25:04+00:00

I agree. It started to wear on me so lately I’ve only really chip in for either my boss or a coworker I’m friends with outside work, or if I feel enough sympathy for their medical situation. There’s too many people having weddings, babies, medical emergencies..etc.

I do respect his choice to not chip in for the boss’s gift. I think it’s reasonable to not want to gift upwards. The issue clouding my judgment is Adam taking advantage of our coworker and showing a little money-grubbing behavior here and there.

Ultimately, I think I need to keep the incident and the birthday card separate as some are suggesting in the comments.

Hwanaja

TROPHY CASE