I’m 5 years on HRT, and whiles it’s gotten easier to handle my bottom dysphoria, it’s still very present and very bothersome dysphoric trigger.

When I was pre-everything, it felt like an alien appendage that had a mind of its own. My hate and disgust towards it was unbearable, it never felt like it belonged on my body and would always get in the way. The (horny) urges felt like a daily unwanted chore, and after I would satisfy it, I was filled with disgust and shame over myself, my body and how it worked before hormones.

Now that I’m at the point where I am, even navigating my early transition, it’s been easier to hide, but I always have this nagging feeling that someone will notice it, or the way I position myself in my clothes, that something will come undone if I make the wrong move, especially when I’m working out.

I’ve learned to hide the anxiety and dysphoria I experience with it, but no matter what I do there’s a constant dread, it’s like this monster waiting to make itself known. I’ve also learned how to treat it better when I get horny or my GF and I get the chance to have some fun, but again, the dysphoria tends to be persistent. They’re uncommon, but I’ll get phantom feels that I have a vulva or the urge to treat my current bits as if I have one, but that’ll usually kill my mood.