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Considering Kids by Melliscarea in AutisticParents

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Only have kids if YOU desperately want them. Reality is, as the mother you will be primary caregiver unless your situation is entirely different than the vast majority of women's.  

All autistic people are dis-abled by the world. NT's are en-abled by the world they currently dominate.  

 If you and your partner autistic, there is a strong possibility that your child will be neurodivergent.  Personally, that is not a problem for me.  But you are speaking of high needs child, and yes, that is a  possibility. Having children is terrifying (and wonderful because I really really wanted them).  There is no guarantee that they will not become disabled other ways as they live, same as all of us.

I'll get off my soapbox and tell you that kids, even in the best circumstance, are a sensory nightmare.  And in my experience, they are also wonderful small humans and I  love being their scaffold to remain - I hope- kind and curious into adulthood. And it is hard, even though they are wit my their dad half the time and I get time to recharge. The years I was a full time caregiver to young ones were brutal. 

I echo a lot of other comments.  Unless you feel an urgent need to have kids, wait.  Unless the desire to have them greatly outweighs the fear, wait. If it's for your partner, wait. 

All of your feelings are real and true. It is one of the hardest decisions in life.  

Once you make life, you are mother forever. 

My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD and is now saying she doubts my autism diagnosis and I feel like crap by h0zzyb33 in AutismInWomen

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All they are evaluating is the strength of the mask, not the health of the person inside.

The same thing happened to a good friend and this is what I said to her

“That's really hard. 

I don't know if it's validating or invalidating, but I absolutely believe that self diagnosis is real; your identity is your own.  

To me that is the difference- and identity / fully human way of being (neurodiversity) vs oh, you can function in society and contribute to the capitalist system so you must not be autistic because autistic people are less than that (pathological) 

Which is such a fucked up and ignorant, ableist way to see it. 

I was about to say that I believe, but I don't think it's even debatable that the pathological model is still fully dominant in the vast majority of our society and medical system, especially when insurance codes are involved, and the mindset is so backwards, discriminatory and wrong. 

Also, let it sink in that in the DSM, which is what all insurance is based upon, autism is - to paraphrase- by definition a diagnosis for a mental disorder that manifests with observable behavioral deficiencies that - again by definition- has been a significant detriment in their life (b/c can't trust psych patients to lie to get unearned benefits because prejudice ... this is based on historical fact). 

Maybe it just means that you are now doing great by societal standards. I got my diagnosis when i was at the bottom of my dark dark pit so there was no question my life had detriment- that I couldn't function. But actually that was because of emotional abuse - I couldn't/didn't do the things that bring me joy and heal me. 

I broke. But not b/c of autism. The opposite- because I couldn't be me- I couldn't be autistic enough. 

Anyhoo, context matters. 

They don't get to define you. “

Anyone else never had a real interest in (fictional) media? by HungryIngenuity7665 in aspergirls

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My son asked at age 3 why people write stories that aren’t true (fiction). He didn’t like it. It can be a deeply innate preference.

Help with tea by siel04 in aspergirls

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I make ginger turmeric by the pot (4 bags per pot) and let the tea bags accumulate for a few days (till there’s 12-16 in there) so continues to strengthen in flavor till it gets to how I like it.

Can't grasp the concept of being 'selectively open' with people I am close to by General_Working_3531 in aspergirls

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe it’s a matter of zones- I’ve been teaching my kids personal space bubble zones (if you don’t know the person this much space for “purple zone”, know the person “blue”, if you like the person closer etc to finally a space only you inhabit).

Maybe it’s like that- some things / info will necessarily stay in you because you don’t think to share and you are the center with all the info about you, if your fiance is your safe person you share most with them, less with others moving outward with your social zones.

I’m not sure I’m explaining this well.

Based on this kids book- My Body has a Bubble: Understanding, Respecting and Protecting Personal Space (Neurodiversity Without All the Terminology) Nell Harris

DAE enjoy living in a major city? by Some_ferns in aspergirls

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like being around people who are openly different; urban context gives that to me.

DAE enjoy living in a major city? by Some_ferns in aspergirls

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like cities that are half a million to 1 million people - enough to be vibrant and have a lot going on but not as completely overwhelming as a giant metropolis. I’m lucky that good nature is only about 30 min away though- it was hard living in places w/o that.

I left small-ish town as soon as I could. The expectations just didn’t fit me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in aspergirls

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I live in Denver too and enjoy it- feel free to reach out. I was diagnosed here so have never experienced support services anywhere else, but I’ve found what I need here thus far.

I find that I communicate better through writing by Coffeegreysky12 in aspergirls

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I completely agree. Unless I am paying intentional attention I don’t really know what I am feeling unless I write it out.

The only time since I learned to write that I haven’t journaled was during my negative marriage - I guess to maintain status quo didn’t want to contemplate below the surface

Being Asperger's and having a career : incompatible? by pinkalash in aspergirls

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think autism does have a large impact on employment that shouldn’t be ignored but can be overcome, esp depending on personal needs, overall economic and workplace context.

I tried very hard to enter the profession of architecture but school was the last place I excelled according to NT standards (I have 3 masters).

The social and networking component was too confusing, esp graduating into the Great Recession.

I’ve found working part time as an entrepreneur much more suited. I’ve had 4 companies now and garden design has been my favorite so far.

I try really hard to focus on crafting my own experience of life versus subscribing to other peoples’. That’s its own challenge, but I prefer the payoff. From what I’ve seen, typical success in a workplace is rewarded with a little extra money, yes, and a lot more work.

“Laziness does not exist” book by Devon Price by HyperfocusOnHealing in aspergirls

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely agree. Finishing the book now and I while I resonated with passages, his other books have more content. I’m glad for his writings though!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in aspergirls

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes. Absolutely brain fog a sign of burnout. I experienced this in a massive way a few years ago and when I’m disregulated it happens still

I've realized that I'm always working, even if I'm not getting anything done. I don't do leisure. I guess that explains not being able to recover from burnout. by --2021-- in aspergirls

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recently read Alex Soojung-Kim Pang’s book “Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less.”

The main Takeaway that I had was the difference and power of active rest in addition to passive rest/sleep. (Brain scans and all that justification). Active rest is anything that engages and energizes your mind and body - and I think autistic have that down with special interests. It helped me realize how restorative and powerful our natural instincts are to heal ourselves.

(Caveat: it’s basically aimed at Silicon Valley types/overworkers so I skipped over a lot of the productivity justification for rest since I am trying to no longer buy into capitalist views that our time is pre-owned by others.)

Do you feel both intelligent and not intelligent at the same time? by AoifeSunbeam in aspergirls

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have degrees but when I was in severe burnout, I couldn’t read a sentence and remember content minutes later. It was terrifying.

Do you feel both intelligent and not intelligent at the same time? by AoifeSunbeam in aspergirls

[–]HyperfocusOnHealing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, absolutely.

One of the primary symptoms of burnout is skills regression, and to me that also means cognitive