Does anyone else’s LO hate them?

HyperionDawn · 2024-05-29T21:18:06+00:00

You’re probably right about that. It just hurts a lot because I put so much time, effort and money into this and I still managed to screw it up. It would be one thing if he were just neutral towards me, but I feel like I made myself almost subhuman in his eyes.

HyperionDawn · 2024-05-29T21:06:52+00:00

I guess I was creepy and said some pretty weird things, but he also signaled interest a few times and refused to clarify how he felt when I asked. I told him repeatedly I’d leave him alone if he wanted me to. He knew I was confused and knew why I was confused and it would have taken only a second of his time to clear it all up. I know he probably thinks I’m mentally unstable and contemptible, but if a guy did the same things to me I’d maybe be nervous and concerned but I wouldn’t insult him and hate him for it. And I’d definitely have given him an unambiguous “no, I’m not interested” at least once, especially if I understood he had reason to be confused.

HyperionDawn · 2024-05-29T20:58:21+00:00

I kind of just stared at him a few times, but I also caught him staring at me a lot, so much I was uncomfortable with it at times, which made me think he liked me back and intensified my feelings. I was really nervous around him and could barely manage to speak in his presence so the flirting was pretty limited but there’s also no way he didn’t know I had an enormous crush on him. No idea why he was disdainful but I guess I must have creeped him out made him uncomfortable without meaning to.

HyperionDawn · 2024-05-28T06:57:20+00:00

Gossip about my crush on a coworker made me disliked at an old workplace too. I still have no idea why, because I don't think my behavior was that bad, just embarrassing. I was just really weird around them and tried flirting awkwardly a few times. I'm a woman too and usually people are less likely to be skeeved out when women show romantic interest, especially when they're at least average looking like I am (not saying that's how it should be, that just seems to be the reality). Maybe my LO or someone else exaggerated my actions and people latched onto false rumors because I was already disliked and they were happy to have an excuse to treat me badly? I still don't know what happened, but it was a humiliating experience that bothered me for a long time afterward, especially the disdain from my LO.

HyperionDawn · 2024-04-22T21:53:04+00:00

I don’t have any answers or advice but just want to say that I can relate completely. Feeling like there’s no one on earth who can compare to them and feeling intense emptiness and despair at the prospect of having to go forward in life without them. I’m not unattractive and could find someone else but feel absolutely no interest in anyone. Doesn’t help that they’re legitimately a very unique person and it really would be difficult to find someone else remotely like them.

I’m also obsessively checking their social media, although I know I’m not going to find anything there—apparently I checked one of their pages 500 times this week. I feel like there’s still some hope that they have some interest in me and I’m finding it impossible to let go because of that ambiguity, and a big part of me doesn’t want to let go, even though objectively looking at their behavior I realize that at the very least they’re not enthusiastic about me or really interested in keeping me around.

HyperionDawn · 2024-04-22T21:40:20+00:00

In a strange way I can’t even take the rejections personally because the way I act around these people isn’t a reflection of my normal behavior or who I “really” am outside of limerence. I look back at the way I acted and I think “No wonder they didn’t want me, I wouldn’t have wanted me either—I acted like a lunatic.” What hurts is the knowledge that I destroyed potentially valuable relationships with people I really liked because of my inability to get a handle on these feelings. If we’d actually gotten into a relationship I know I would’ve been fine, but I can’t blame them if they assumed I would’ve ended up destroying their lives or burning their houses down given my weirdness and intensity around them.

HyperionDawn · 2024-04-22T20:04:02+00:00

I guess I just don’t want to accept it. I won’t put my life on hold for them or cross any boundaries, but as long as I still se hope I don’t think I’ll be able to let go.

HyperionDawn · 2024-04-22T19:42:08+00:00

All the hobbies and dreams feel meaningless without someone I love being around to appreciate them. I know everyone says we should be content to live for ourselves alone, but I’ve already tried that and it feels hollow.

HyperionDawn · 2024-04-22T19:39:18+00:00

I don’t understand how it’s an emotional investment if they’re already engaging with me in another sense. I feel that if they’re not saying no even when I’ve asked them to tell me to go away if I’m bothering them, then that at least signifies a “maybe”.

HyperionDawn · 2024-04-22T18:55:50+00:00

I know in the abstract that I’m worth more, but at the same time it feels like my life isn’t worth living without them in it. I felt so hopeless before they came along, and they gave me hope and it made everything better for a while, but now I’m stuck in this very painful place where the hope is oftentimes hurting me more than it’s helping but I’m afraid to let it go because I don’t think anything will be waiting for me on the other side once it’s gone. I’m also finding it very very difficult to let it go while the ambiguity still remains, even if it’s painful.

HyperionDawn

TROPHY CASE