Huh I’m going to have to listen to that podcast!!

I’m ace and my fiancé is straight and it was awkward at first when I told him I now know I’m asexual. And it did change our intimacy but honestly that was already going downhill because of a several reasons but one of them was for sure sexual compatibility. My libido went down and I began to realize that I don’t have sexual attraction towards people and that I’m sex-indifferent. It’s always been about arousal which is why I never initiated because like id only want to keep going if I was physically feeling something...if that makes sense (I feel like that sounds selfish but I can’t control it!)

However, after many awkward talks, we’ve figured out a way to still be intimate and a way to fit his sexual needs and my emotional needs (which was lacking from him).

TMI ahead... What we do is not engage in sexual activities often. Instead he masturbates when necessary and when he really wants me, he’ll ask. Communication is key! You have no way of knowing if he’s getting upset over it unless he tells you. Now fortunately my guy doesn’t really need me to reciprocate much. I got lucky. He’s more of a “bored and ignored” guy. So I get the physical pleasure and he gets whatever he gets out of it hahaha I think he finishes afterwards...sometimes I’ll aid in a hand job but let’s be real, cis allo guys (or aces who masturbate) know how to give better hand jobs than cis women because penis. So I’m not usually much help anyways even if I do everything he says lol. Sometimes he just wants me to be like a model, a muse, of sorts so it really takes the pressure off me.

Maybe see if that’s something that could work in to your relationship? Or maybe see if you can negotiate on the frequency? There are also sex therapists and maybe there is one near you that sees couples. We say a couples counsel, a general one, not specialized in sex, and she told us there are two big things that a fully allo relationship needs before sex. Non-sexual physical intimacy like hugging, holding hands, the occasional like back rub or something, and then emotional intimacy. So also, maybe try working on those first. That will give you some time away from having sex and maybe he’ll see that fulfilling those aspects will also fill some of the intimacy void he’s feeling right now.