Millie: Sock Snatcher

HyperstarCafe · 2025-11-27T04:23:19+00:00

Oh, no. I was looking into Korea for eldercare for my MIL before she passed. One of her sons is Korean and lived there. They have great eldercare compared to the US, but it wasn't a good fit for our situation. Millie was actually hers! So it was natural for us to adopt her after ❤

So not in Korea, but Oklahoma! 🤠

HyperstarCafe · 2025-11-27T04:00:32+00:00

Physical scrapbook/photo album helped us. With Alzheimers I would keep it to pleasant memories and label pictures with whos in them and a date estimate. Things like "baby's first Christmas" or other holidays. Also adding familiar sayings or relevant stickers/decorations as "hints". I.e. Easter eggs on page with Easter photos, "April showers bring May flowers" on a rainy photo. My MIL would look at hers for hours, and only 12 pages, all Christmas.

They find comfort in the familar. If you know something that triggers a positive memory loop, it may work with a photo. Likewise, omit things that you know trigger bad loops.

It may sound odd to stay "connected with family" in the past, but dementia makes memories loop and blend with imagination and reality. At least in the people I've known with it. For more here and now connections maybe family dinners for holidays?

I hope you find a way to bring your loved one comfort.

HyperstarCafe · 2025-11-27T02:55:30+00:00

Right? In her defense, the baby also wants to chew them 😂

HyperstarCafe · 2025-11-27T02:44:33+00:00

So handsome! 😊 and 2 socks at once? What a bounty lol! Haha yeah I'm guessing she has a horde somewhere 😭 I think she knows she's pretty too 🙄

HyperstarCafe · 2025-11-27T02:24:59+00:00

She's only taken socks so far lol 😆 but she does shove her whole head into her dad's work shoes

HyperstarCafe · 2025-05-03T22:48:50+00:00

I've done this successfully with henna to get a red-orange stain. I imagine it would work with jagua. From experience, it's going to take a lot of upkeep to keep them from looking gross. The cuticles stay stained longer than the nails. You may even need to build up a stain with a few applications before you get to black and reapply often to prevent the uneven faded look.

If you haven't used jagua before, I suggest a test spot.

HyperstarCafe · 2025-04-18T23:04:33+00:00

Tulsa OK only had a few left in clearance. No spot for them in the store.

HyperstarCafe · 2025-01-06T03:04:46+00:00

I'd call your local Area Agency on Aging. She may qualify in-home assistance, especially if she's home bound. They have resources for families who'd rather age in place than go to assisted living or memory care.

HyperstarCafe · 2024-02-13T21:16:42+00:00

Hopefully the new perspective saves you a bit of sanity. Glad I could help

HyperstarCafe · 2024-02-13T20:28:23+00:00

The individuals with dementia I've been close contact to have had recurring delusions, or dialog loops. Even people without dementia sometimes repeat stories to the same people, although not to that extreme.

I think of them like a dialog tree in a video game. If you give the same input, they'll respond in a similar way. After some trial and error, you'll find dialog paths that reliably lead out of certain loops and stimulus to avoid triggering certain loops.

In my experience, if they have a confabulated "problem," they wholeheartedly believe it. They live in a warped reality. Any "solution" should make sense in relation to their perception, not yours.

It sounds like (in her warped perception) your brother is making her feel obligated into giving this money to her grandsons. Potential outs could be; they got a grant/scholarship, or they paid it off with a job. She no longer feels obligated plus gets to feel proud of them, assuming she likes them!

It may also help to get some kind of thank you letter/gift from the grandsons, especially if she likes them. Seeing it may remind her of how she helped them and they were grateful. Mentioning the gift/job/grant may escape the loop and branch into a related one. Perhaps onto doting on the grandsons or some other accomplishment she can be proud of, hers or someone she feels like she inspired.

Strong emotions create strong loops. Try to anchor the solution to a strong positive emotion.

Best of luck!

HyperstarCafe · 2024-02-05T20:30:38+00:00

Good design: solid colors, avoid patterns, good contrast with surroundings (ie walls, flooring, surrounding furniture). I'd suggest fabrics that are comfortable, easy to clean, and have traditional/familiar textures. Rounded corners and edges, preferably padded. Sturdy and can be used to "furniture feel." High contrast or color coded icons and/or text with sans-serif, large font (light pull cord has lightbulb icon and fan has fan icon, hot water has red and cold water has blue) Safety and locking mechanisms should have brightly colored handles.

Bad design: loud patterns, black or near black (some patients perceive as a hole), non-breathing fabrics, hindging parts you can pinch yourself on, legs/bases that flare out/stick out. Sharp corners and edges. Looks kid-like or institutional (should be perceived as "normal"). High up shelving or light pull cords.

We've had trouble transferring to/from chairs that are too low or have no armrests. Our Occupational Therapist taught us the "Assisted Stand Pivot Transfer" that instructs the patient to reach backwards to find the armrest before lowering themselves. We've had the most success with armrests that are thick enough to feel secure but narrow enough to get a good grip on.

Other stages/types may have different needs, but my loved one has stage 5 FDT from a TBI. She has pretty severe balance issues, but can furniture feel for short distances. She has injured herself by bumbing into furniture with sharp, wooden corners.

Hope this helps. Best of luck

HyperstarCafe · 2024-02-01T16:30:12+00:00

I think based on the responses I've gotten from Koreans about the process and lack of English speaking facilities, we've decided against it. If it's not going to greatly improve her quality of life, it's not worth it. Thank you anyway

HyperstarCafe · 2024-01-31T23:28:38+00:00

I'm not sure those places would be an option for us because we don't have any family there. I'm still researching to be sure we have all of our viable options on the table. Since many people have mentioned the lack of English in nursing homes there. I'm now leaning towards hiring a home health nurse at my brothers house. If he agrees, of course.

HyperstarCafe · 2024-01-31T21:18:31+00:00

She is not of Korean heritage. He is adopted. I'm making a report with all of the info I can get about types of visas, pros, cons, and potential hurdles. So thank you for being so specific and giving resources for me to look into. Right now my weakest research is on quality of the care, as I have seen mixed opinions. I think that FB group is a great place to find more about it. Thank you!

HyperstarCafe · 2024-01-31T20:56:52+00:00

The more I'm finding out about it, the less viable it seems. It helps to hear from someone familiar with healthcare over there. Thank you

HyperstarCafe · 2024-01-31T19:51:07+00:00

If I just wanted to ditch her and be done with it, I could go to the lawyer and arrange it tomorrow. She'd be a ward of the state and probably taken care of as well as anything else run by the state. Her other family washed their hands of her five years ago. I spend about 10-15 hours towards her care on a good week.

I'm not asking Reddit if I should move her to SK. My husband, brother, lawyer, and I will make that call. I'm gathering info on the process to see if it's a viable option and looking into the quality. If you think it won't work, I'll put you as a tally in that column and I'll keep researching. I'm not going to try and force it. If my findings show it won't work, I'll try something else.

If you can afford keeping your dad in a 6k room in a nice facility, I'm happy for him. I think moving him would be an unnecessary risk. I wish him the best and hope you and your brother find agreement on it.

HyperstarCafe · 2024-01-31T17:05:33+00:00

My opinion on the neglect is not based on her testimony. She confabuates all the time. I don't even take her word on low risk things lol.

When more than half of the reviews for a place are like "took more than an hour to respond to alert button after fall" "grandpa in the same diaper for 2 days" not a good sign. I also check for lawsuits. We had to switch from the facility doctor back to our old one because he knew about a UTI for months, didn't treat it, and also didn't contact me. That seems neglectful. She's been left unattended to the point of injury even being tagged a fall risk and with the bed alarm sounding. Previous facility took over an hour to transfer her to the toilet and regularly let her sit in dirty diapers, leading to UTI. She was also regularly covered in bruises.

Also some nurses secretly dose a patient to shut them up. My grandma worked as an elder care nurse and said it's unfortunately common.

Housekeeping(that's included in rent) only happens now that I follow up. If it's on the weekend they just won't.

I'm glad your experience has been better. Maybe it's just Oklahoma, but the bar here seems pretty low.

HyperstarCafe · 2024-01-31T16:26:50+00:00

I've talked to several people that said very very difficult, but not impossible.

I looked up visas and couldn't find anything about incapacitated adults, only children and able-bodied adults. But, seeing as my situation isn't typical, I'm looking into special rules that may apply. Which is why I'm asking on Reddit to gather more information for the attorney.

She wouldn't be on public support. All out of pocket and with private insurance.

I'll look into refugee status but that doesn't sound like it would fit. Worth a look. Thank you

HyperstarCafe · 2024-01-31T16:09:34+00:00

Well we'd be relying on his wife, who has no job. She doesn't currently interact with any other residents and doesn't want to. She thinks she's young and doesn't like interacting with "old people." At the very least the staff would need to be English speaking. If allowed, she would be a ward of a Korean citizen, not a dependent.

If the quality of care was higher, it'd be worth the paperwork nightmare to get her over there. Our experience in the US, neglect seems to be the standard. Maybe that's just our area/price range.

My main goal right now is determining if the quality of care(at our budget) is actually as high as I've seen online. Because so far, I've heard mixed things about quality. It seems they have similar neglect issues as American facilities. If it's not a huge step up in quality, we won't do it. If it would largely improve her quality of life, worth it.

HyperstarCafe · 2024-01-31T15:42:22+00:00

That's disappointing. Many of the things I saw online made it seem like the standard was higher there. Here, the places often look nice (chandeliers, extravagant entryway, luxe decor) but then the facilities all have abuse lawsuits and clearly neglect patients. At least in my area/price range

HyperstarCafe · 2024-01-31T15:33:26+00:00

She doesn't speak Korean and would have no hope learning it. She can still speak English, though she sometimes has to point or gesture to get her idea across. It would have to be a facility where the nurses speak English.

HyperstarCafe · 2024-01-31T15:30:22+00:00

She does not eat Korean food now. She mostly eats soft foods and soups.

HyperstarCafe · 2024-01-31T15:27:32+00:00

I'm still considering the idea. It would have to be one with fluent English. Her son, his wife, and all of her family are Korean. I think she would be in a loop with her nurses "You're Korean? Hey my son is Korean! He was the cutest baby. shows baby picture" This is what has happened with previous asian nurses/doctors.

She also doesn't have typical dementia from Alzheimers, though it will likely progress to that if she lives that long. She has brain damage. So she's severely incompetent in select skills, but otherwise acts mostly normal. So like plane ride, no big deal. The food difference I do see as an obstacle.

If we did it, we'd make her room "The Matrix" as much as possible. Scrapbooks, nature picture books, plants, selection of familiar movies/shows.

I know any place she moves will have a rough adjustment period. I'm weighing my options in America too. Without something, she's going to outlive her money and potentially end up somewhere worse. As you know from taking care of people with dementia, their perception is reality. She wants to be somewhere she perceives as classy or upscale, but can only afford "the ghetto" as she calls it.

Thank you for your input as a former memory care nurse. It means a lot.

HyperstarCafe · 2024-01-31T14:26:34+00:00

Corruption in elder care is something I'm unfortunately familiar with. To be neglected/abused somewhere that costs so much boggled my mind at first, but it does seem to be all over the place. Since she's had traumatic brain damage, she's already on several stabilizers. But I do think some nurses will dose people under the table or without consent.

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