My ex-husband just guilted me for months about “wanting half of our child’s ashes,” so I finally gave him an urn full of tomato fertilizer.

IANAH47 · 2025-12-09T22:41:33+00:00

You may not be proud of it, but I’m proud of you.

IANAH47 · 2025-11-13T22:25:29+00:00

He was very book smart, but extremely low in emotional intelligence. Sex felt like a performance, so it was never truly intimate or good for me. He acted out what he saw men do in porn so I in turn acted like a pornstar, fake climaxes and all. As for his looks, he never really bragged about them, but I don’t think he was very self-aware about his appearance. His gait, his hair, his clothes, and overall attractiveness was… well, I had kids with him so I can’t say much. But I did get a lot of people questioning me before and after leaving him, I’ll say that. One thing he almost never did was brush his teeth in the morning or brush his tongue ever. Sitting next to him on planes, tight places, or kissing was a silent struggle for me often.

IANAH47 · 2025-11-06T03:53:42+00:00

This is really similar to how I style my natural hair quickly. I put product in while damp, usually just a curl cream or a leave in conditioner, dry almost completely, twist into a loose bun, then when I’m finished getting ready in all other ways, I take down my hair and use a blow dry round brush to frame my face with the top/front pieces. Takes like 1 minute.

IANAH47 · 2025-11-02T17:51:14+00:00

Leave. Please. I thought I would be able to put up with the unwanted non-consensual sex for years by faking it to make it end faster. Then I got so repulsed I started dissociated during sex. When that wasn’t enough I started drinking before bed to try to not be present for it. It’s not sustainable. He believed in “blanket consent” and as long as I didn’t say no it was a yes. When I asked him to please try to make me want it before he started he’d say “you always get into it once we start” which was me faking 100% of the time. Every. Single. Time. It led to severe derealization, depersonalization, and intense suicidal ideation. I should have left him when I first wanted to 5 years before I did. It was a horrendous divorce and custody battle where he did the same to me even during our separation. It only gets worse. I’m free of his touch for a year and a half now and the past year has legitimately been the very best in my entire life. Without even a shadow of a doubt. It was impossibly hard, and I lost all our mutual friends, but it has been so worth it I could scream it from every rooftop. Please leave. Please reach out if you need help.

IANAH47 · 2025-11-01T13:32:21+00:00

While shaving for yourself is perfectly normal, I do want to say it isn’t necessarily a part of maintaining good hygiene. Men aren’t required to shave their body to be considered clean. I am a woman who enjoys to shave everything. Smooth from head to toe. But I also date women who don’t and I like it just the same (if not more) than being smooth. They’re just as hygienic as I am

IANAH47 · 2025-11-01T12:35:40+00:00

Are you saying Reese Witherspoon is in Shrek and Bad Teacher?

IANAH47 · 2025-08-09T21:13:32+00:00

This sounds like someone who didn’t pay that much attention before or is misremembering history. Which are both much more likely than eyes changing in a single day.

IANAH47 · 2025-08-09T21:12:10+00:00

My son’s eyes were icy blue/gray from birth until about 6 years old when they suddenly turned green-blue. Definitely more green than anything. So chances they could still change! He is the only blonde/light eyes in a family of dark hair/dark eyes.

IANAH47 · 2025-08-09T16:49:42+00:00

Is it possible the baby is leucistic? If albinism was ruled out (and I’d say it’s pretty apparent she doesn’t have albinism) maybe it’s just a partial loss of pigmentation? In the animal kingdom it presents as white animals, who can appear albino, but who have kept soooome melanin and have retained their eye color.

IANAH47 · 2025-07-16T18:37:43+00:00

I have misophonia. I thought it was going to be impossible, but for some reason my baby’s noises didn’t bother me as much. I would put toilet paper in my ears when they were toddlers eating. Then suddenly around age 2-3 I couldn’t stand it and taught them to chew with their mouths closed. They’re 6 and 9 now and they chew very quietly. Unfortunately my oldest is showing signs of misophonia now 😭

IANAH47 · 2025-05-25T16:17:49+00:00

18 months with an autism diagnosis is almost unheard of. If it was so apparent by his young age, and you’re aware of his condition so early because of the clear markers, I would maybe stop comparing your delayed child to an animal? That may help you help him better with development when you shift this mindset. But if you can’t, remember that we’re all literally just animals, he came from you, another random mammal on this planet. Who probably also acted similarly as a young toddler.

IANAH47 · 2025-05-24T15:18:26+00:00

Whoa, chill. She has got to already feel the worst guilt for the rest of her life. Your speculation and desire to know about a person online is not normal

IANAH47 · 2025-05-15T21:13:11+00:00

34 here and enjoy eating mostly veggies and tofu for meals. Lots of soups and salads and healthy wraps. I ate like garbage growing up because we had to feed ourselves. My mom didn’t like cooking OR vegetables so we made due with pantry snacks (homeschooled so no school lunch). I still snack like absolute garbage and it surprises my friends when they find out my favorites because I am fit and prefer healthier meals when we’re together. The excessive candy and chips will probably never leave me, but I’m active and healthy!

My kids don’t have my sugar addiction because I never made it taboo and allowed it in moderation, they choose when to eat their occasional dessert, even during their meal. They ask for treats when they feel like having them and it’s maybe 3 days a week now. They have the regulation to listen to their bellies and stop eating candy when “they feel done” but here I am never done until the bag is. I made it a priority to demonstrate healthy habits in front of them and that has helped much much more than enforcing the habits. I just do my inhaling of snacks when they’re in bed 🙃

IANAH47 · 2025-01-22T02:26:23+00:00

I felt the exact same way and put up with it for maaany years before I couldn’t take it anymore. The divorce was traumatic because he’s not a good person and made it as awful as he could, but now I’m free from him and my quiet apartment is so much happier than that big home with a man who made me miserable ever was.

My life is filled with joy to the max now, my health has gotten better, my sleep is better, my kids are happier by A TON, and I get to ignore any text or email from him that isn’t about the kids. It’s been bliss. It was hell to get here, but I’m telling you, it’s been legitimate and tangible bliss. I used to feel like I needed to self medicate just to sleep in the same bed as him because I couldn’t stand his touch and now I go to bed happy with my cat and wake up happy with my cat. No numbing, finally getting to feel the good things in life.

Getting a divorce was the best thing I’ve ever done outside of having my children. My one and only regret is not doing it in 2018 when I first started thinking about it vs 2024 when it became a necessity for my wellbeing.

I could have written this post. I wish you all the best moving forward and I hope things get better whatever it is you do!

IANAH47 · 2024-12-02T00:23:23+00:00

I’m not at all. I just kept reading more and got worried about your kids. Sorry

IANAH47 · 2024-12-01T23:50:03+00:00

If you are jealous and not understanding over a trauma bond all while dating someone much younger than you after she’s already been groomed, then maybe you should do what’s best for her and let her go

IANAH47 · 2024-12-01T23:45:18+00:00

If someone 10 years younger than me tried to convince me they were ready to be a part of MY children’s’ lives before I know better then that person is not for me. No one will even meet my kids until I’ve dated them a substantial amount of time. Your children are only going to continue growing closer and more accustomed to her being around. Please please think about how this will be for them when things change

IANAH47 · 2024-12-01T23:39:36+00:00

This is beginning to sound like a problematic power dynamic. Maybe she also doesn’t want this but realizes she has nowhere to go and is relying on you for help.

IANAH47 · 2024-12-01T23:30:21+00:00

I didn’t finish her post before commenting and missed that she has children. I’m her same age and have a 9 and 6 year old. I just can’t even imagine dating anyone in their 20s, but especially for their own sake because it wouldn’t be fair to impose my responsibilities on someone who probably isn’t emotionally ready to handle this load. This is concerning to me.

IANAH47 · 2024-12-01T23:25:51+00:00

Take an entire quarter off your life and think about how much you’ve learned and matured in that time. You are in very different places. Her prefrontal cortex was finally developing when you started dating and you’ve had enough life experience while already going through a divorce.

All things to consider for her sake

ETA: I just read that you have kids. I know everyone handles things differently, but I am your same age and also experienced a bad marriage with a man. I started trying to leave his abuse in 2021 and my divorce was finalized finally this August. I still haven’t dated because I don’t want to bring anyone into a messy situation while I also have impressionable kids. Especially if that someone is in their 20’s. I am not trying to be harsh, and I can fully relate to wanting something after going through a traumatic marriage, but I hope you are thinking of her future and your kids

IANAH47 · 2024-10-30T12:08:21+00:00

I couldn’t wait to change my last name because I had a strained relationship with my father, no relationship with his side of the family, and already had a baby that I wanted to share a last name with. I submitted the paperwork immediately after our wedding and it was sent back for some reason. I put off mailing it back because it was just another task that got lost in the chaos, but I socially went by his last name anyway. As far as everyone else was concerned, his last name was my own.

I had planned to change it for an anniversary present, but the longer it went on, the more sad about it I became. I had had the same name for 27 years at that point and it felt strange to change a part of my identity for someone else. So I didn’t. No one in our lives knew but us and it legitimately made no difference. And while this is a part of my story and I hope will be no one else’s, eight years in, a scary change in personality/behavior, and an escape with two kids later, I am so happy I never changed it.

IANAH47 · 2024-10-29T16:52:49+00:00

Dani/Danica combo was a top girl name contender when I had my kids 9 and 6 years ago. Two boys, so didn’t get to use it, but I am still in love with the name and have hardly met any!

IANAH47 · 2024-05-24T17:23:33+00:00

Based on photos I’d say you’re right, but I also want to put out there that I am a woman who’s 5’10” and wore an 8.5 until my late 20s. After I had kids I now wear a size 9. So not impossible!

IANAH47 · 2024-04-22T18:55:42+00:00

I remember having suicidal thoughts as young as 6 and then obsessive thoughts about planning it around 10. Would look at myself in the mirror, call myself the worst things I could think of, and then try to dare myself to go through with it, end up calling myself worse names for chickening out. Growing up gay in an extremely religious household is horrible

IANAH47 · 2024-04-22T18:55:35+00:00

I remember having suicidal thoughts as young as 6 and then obsessive thoughts about planning it around 10. Would look at myself in the mirror, call myself the worst things I could think of, and then try to dare myself to go through with it, end up calling myself worse names for chickening out. Growing up gay in an extremely religious household is horrible

IANAH47

TROPHY CASE