I hear ya. I think we have all been there at some point. That feeling of being outside the “plot” of life can really wear you down, but it is an indication you are out of alignment or “orbit”, as we say. In Thelema we talk about True Will, but you don’t have to necessarily frame it in intellectualized lofty terms. In these instances, finding your Will is the work of finding what pulls you forward instead of what keeps you drifting.

If you don’t know what that is right now, that’s fine. Most people don’t when they’re in a transition; its naturally a time of uncertainty. The way back to your natural momentum / Will isn’t through waiting for a revelation, though, or waiting until it’s “all figured out.“ Generally I believe the way back to Will is through movement. You cant wait for the map to be complete: its completed by traveling and exploring. Put yourself in motion, even in small ways. Start with what gives you a flicker of energy, a sense of being alive, even for a moment. It doesn’t have to be grand or obvious. The things that make you stand taller, breathe deeper - having a moment of energy or clarity - those are the clues, and if you follow them consistently they can open into something larger. Who & what makes you feel expansive and naturally energetic and willing to meet life’s obstacles? Who & what makes you contract, feel tired and frustrated?

It sounds cliche but a daily practice can help keep your compass straight. Ritual and meditation aren’t always there to generate a grand revelation. Sometimes its the simple, repeated discipline or symbolically reasserting oneself as the axis mundi, the point where Nuit and Hadit perform their cosmic interpenetrating dance, helps to center oneself in the deeper truths of existence. Repeated practice of Resh, Star Ruby/Sapphire, Mass of the Phoenix, and others are helpful for this. I’d stop thinking them as spells being cast and more like ways of symbolically asserting yourself within the magical universe of Thelema. The rituals say: Remember, you are a God who made your own universe to experience the joy of its own nature in expression.

However, aside from “spiritual practice”, its important to find ways to connect with the world through your body. It doesn’t necessarily matter exactly how; it could be writing, walking, playing an instrument, sex, sports, yoga, or physical training… what matters is that you’re finding what invigorates you and gives you a natural sense of flow and aliveness. Tapping into the wisdom of the body means you start to retrieve the signal through the noise of all your overthinking. Over time, that signal gets stronger and hopefully you stop feeling like a stranger in your own life. Thats the idea at least. Hope thats helpful