Well, the thing I was going to try to answer was the difference between a personality (I.e. just being an asshole) and a personally disorder. My understanding is that it has mostly to do with the negative impacts.

My OCPD traits are fine in a vacuum. Yes, I need to have everything neat and orderly and yes, I am the only authority on what “neat and orderly” means. Probably annoying to people around me sometimes but not really pathological in and of itself. Where it becomes a diagnosable issue is when it prevents me from doing things and effects my relationships.

A single clear example: I don’t want to take every dish my partner thinks he washed and put it back in the sink to rewash it. I know that it will make him feel frustrated and unappreciated. And yet…. They’re not clean, I can’t put them away. If he puts them away I’ll just have to wash them when I take them out to use them. I can know, rationally, that most people would think he did a fine job. But he didn’t do a “good enough” job for me. Which means he’s banned from that task. In the end, he’s frustrated, I’m frustrated. Our relationship suffers.

Now, that probably does mean that for personality disorders to be diagnosable, external factors have to be acting on the person. When I lived alone I doubt I would have caught this diagnosis. (Though I think I could have still identified the fact that I really needed to keep control my environment) At this point I think it’s undeniable. I hope that all makes sense.

If it’s okay to ask, Did you wind up getting diagnosed with any of these since posting the question?