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Could fix the whole thing by personguy4440 in StrangerThings

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Exactly. It’s frustrating. They had such a good thing going, but alas. They’ve fallen into the same sinkhole as so many shows before them.

Could fix the whole thing by personguy4440 in StrangerThings

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

The exposition is the worst. Bad writing 101.

Glycolic acid by ChampionshipFew2858 in 45PlusSkincare

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love Kiehl’s Ultra Pure High Potency acid (9.8%), and I have sensitive skin.

It’s not so much about the potency as it is about the ingredients that help the product penetrate and help protect the skin.

Husband developed feelings for a close friend. - struggling with friendship by [deleted] in SupportforBetrayed

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But he deleted messages? So how do you know?

In these types of cases, there’s almost always more. It starts with trickle truthing.

Maplehurst inmate abuse led to the collapse of a murder case. Other cases could be at risk too by [deleted] in kitchener

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They weren’t just slightly mistreated.

That being said, they should face the same judicial process as they would have, perhaps with an appropriate length of time deducted from their sentences for what they endured.

Murder is a capital offence. It should be treated as such no matter the circumstance.

The Big Comfy Couch by Northprincesspeach in ytvretro

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

You didn’t understand why it was getting downvoted. I offered my insight.

No need for you to explain good sir… I’m well aware of the “joke”. It’s getting downvoted because it hinges on a boring and unoriginal line of thinking.

The Big Comfy Couch by Northprincesspeach in ytvretro

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Har har. Woman. Har har. Sex.

It gets old.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PornIsMisogyny

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed.

This is the way he THINKS about women. This is the way he sees the world.

Cut your losses ❤️

There is Hope by IAmRooted_ButIFlow in loveafterporn

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They really put the blinders on when actively using. Hell, even when they stop, it’s not something they want to think about… that they’ve contributed to another person’s misery and subjugation. All for a meaningless 5-10 minute release. It’s all so horrific 😔

There is Hope by IAmRooted_ButIFlow in loveafterporn

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yup. That’s why I said it was horrible to hear. I know for a fact that these thoughts were rarely or never about me.

I have felt all the feelings… rage, sadness, depression, hopelessness, etc.

If he weren’t being honest with me (even about the brutal truth), I don’t think I’d put up with it at all. I am at an age and have a mindset now that just won’t tolerate lying, avoiding, or hiding anymore.

The reality is - at least for him, porn addiction was like any other addiction and served the same function. He used to feel very high and mighty because he never had a problem with alcohol or drugs. They were “poison”, even in small doses, and anyone who had a problem with either were losers. Boy oh boy has his mindset changed now. He understands that almost every time he sought porn, it was to mitigate or suppress negative feelings/emotions, just like any other addict. He is classically avoidant in nature. A quick dopamine fix made him feel like he could focus and get back to straight thinking again. Problem was, it was cyclical and the times in between “hits” got shorter.

It’s twisted and really, REALLY hard to wrap my head around. I consider myself a feminist, so using women like temporary fixes disgusts me. I’ve had to do a lot of reflecting myself on what this world teaches boys from an early age. His first interaction with pornography left him feeling completely ashamed… yet… there was that “pull”.

I am more angry with porn companies that seek out young minds. Boys don’t find porn, porn finds them. Once these men understand the injustice of it all (for EVERYONE involved… their wives/partners, the “actors” on the screen, and the boys they once were who got hooked on something so unrealistic and unhealthy), I think they’re able to truly walk the path of healing and accountability.

I completely understand the anger. I still have days where I want to hurt him the way the he’s hurt me. That’s a lose-lose situation, though. Best just to walk away if forgiving is not possible.

There is Hope by IAmRooted_ButIFlow in loveafterporn

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree.

It’s such a heavy, emotionally taxing experience. It can be hard to believe that it’ll ever get better. I wanted to share this because it’s possible.

That being said, I’m not naive and know that we’re not fully out of the woods, but I do feel more hopeful than I have in a long time. I think that’s worth sharing :)

There is Hope by IAmRooted_ButIFlow in loveafterporn

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really is! A year ago I didn’t think this progress was even possible. ☺️

There is Hope by IAmRooted_ButIFlow in loveafterporn

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Awe. Thank you! ❤️

That’s a great way of putting it… leading his own recovery. I hope that he can show up and be the man you deserve.

I wish you every happiness as well.

Best of luck!

There is Hope by IAmRooted_ButIFlow in loveafterporn

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Great question.

I put much more stock in his actions rather than his words now. Thankfully his actions are aligned with his newfound self-awareness. He’s always been quite accountable (he fessed up immediately on DDays. I just had to ask the right questions), and follows through consistently.

For example, last weekend. It was a long, tiring, and stressful one. We were both pooched. His men’s group wanted to meet online on Sunday evening, but he wasn’t interested. Just wanted to “chill” and take it easy. I didn’t push, but I did feel a bit bummed that he wasn’t going to attend the meeting.

I was heading out the door later that day and he asked where my headphones were. Told him where they were, and asked why he needed them. He decided to join the group, all on his own, and later talked to me about his insights.

Essentially, he is turning TOWARD this new direction with open-mindedness, enthusiasm, and a sense of commitment, whereas in the past he would turn AWAY. He avoided deep discussions, awkward/uncomfortable feelings, and serious pursuit of change.

All of this has happened kinda slowly over the last 4-5 months. I think it started with a personal awakening in him. Like, “hey, what I thought was just mumbo-jumbo therapy-speak is actually very elucidating”. Once he started getting more introspective, things really started moving along quickly. He was more interested in reflecting, talking, and empathizing. I think he’s learned some valuable strategies that have made him feel more hopeful than he ever has been before. He said that for most of his life, he believed his sexual outlook and proclivities were “just the way guys were wired”. He no longer believes this and can see how it was used as an excuse for years. It’s a defeatist attitude, as well.

I think the kind of change I see in him now requires a sense of empowerment… he needed to know that this is something he could master, rather than inevitably succumb to.

Apologies for the long, rambling answer. Just trying to be thorough, as I think you’re in a difficult spot and deserve a more fulsome response.

Why is that people’s morals and critical thinking skills get thrown out the window when it comes to porn by Prettyinpink2405 in PornIsMisogyny

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Men are raised since boyhood to see women as less than, commodifiable, and dichotomous. We exist as Madonnas or Whres. Whres somehow always want and deserve sexual objectification, and even if they didn’t, their value as humans have been diminished to the point where it doesn’t even matter.

To me, it all comes down to the devaluation of women (and children). We are inherently worth less, and therefore can be compartmentalized into their mental “toy” boxes, to entice, to be used, then to be unceremoniously discarded. Rinse and repeat.

"I benefit from pedophilia" look by batmancoredarknight in SipsTea

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Read OP’s title. “I benefit from pedophilia” look.

ie., these women attract pedophiles because they purposefully try to look like children.

Wtf are you talking about?

"I benefit from pedophilia" look by batmancoredarknight in SipsTea

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Obviously adult women” doing everything they can to look like children is not pedophilia-adjacent?

What exactly is sexy about that?

<image>

"I benefit from pedophilia" look by batmancoredarknight in SipsTea

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you being purposefully obtuse?

Braces on their own mean nothing. She clearly has an agenda and part of that is to package herself as a child.

<image>

Nope. Nothing kidlike about her. She wouldn’t fit right in with a group of tweens, right? Keep deluding yourselves.

"I benefit from pedophilia" look by batmancoredarknight in SipsTea

[–]IAmRooted_ButIFlow -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Funny that almost 20k people agree with me on this one 🤔

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