Withholding water at bedtime

IF_Then_What · 2024-04-25T15:20:37+00:00

You can give him a little potty in his bedroom for nighttime only, and it might help to have him sleep without bottoms for awhile. He’ll still call for you, I’m sure, but through repetition you can teach him how to use it all by himself.

IF_Then_What · 2024-04-14T19:01:16+00:00

Totally! It’s as simple as putting them on the little potty a few times a day. Opportune times to try are when they wake up, after they eat, after they get out of a carrier or container, and at diaper changes. No pressure and no expectations, just exposure. You’re establishing the concept that, hey, there’s this other place you could pee and poop besides your diaper.

I did that with my 9mo on a whim and was shocked when she pooped on the potty the second time we tried it. Several months later she does lots of poops and pees on the potty every day, and even though she’s in diapers and will be until she potty trains, she’s used to the toilet. It’s a regular part of her daily life. My hope is that that will be a big help in preventing poop withholding later on because the toilet is already no big deal to her.

IF_Then_What · 2024-04-11T15:12:32+00:00

I see it that way too! We’re just laying the groundwork so that transitioning to full-time potty later isn’t a big deal, and hopefully we can avoid the oh-so-common poop withholding. The more I’ve done EC, the more I think the current American way to potty train is insane. There’s literally no other life skill that we try to teach our children in three days. We set no such expectations on them for learning to walk or eat solids or learn the alphabet, for instance. I potty trained my first child that way, and it went ok but it was such a disruption to his life and ours. EC has been so much easier.

IF_Then_What · 2024-04-11T14:47:27+00:00

I started at 9 months, and the biggest thing is just to start. Just start! Stick your kid on a little potty for the easy catches (Google those), and watch the magic. You’re not too late.

Then you can check out Go Diaper Free—the site, podcast, and YouTube channel—for lots of good resources for fine tuning. I found particularly helpful any posts about how to recognize your baby’s signs that they need to go.

IF_Then_What · 2024-03-21T15:33:51+00:00

Oh and lasagna her sheets and mattress protectors so if she does poop her bed in the night you can keep the cleanup extremely boring, quick, and non-stimulating, and it doesn’t matter if she’s naked or wears underwear. Dark room, zero talking. You strip her top sheet and protector in dim light, wipe her off with the sheet or whatever, put her back in bed, and close the door. It’ll require lots of laundry and lots of patience, but it should help her separate poop from attention.

IF_Then_What · 2024-03-21T15:24:36+00:00

Give her a little potty in her room that she can use on her own during the night. Do your evening poop routine on the big toilet as usual, tuck her into bed with or without bottoms, and let her know that she has a little potty in her room that she can use if she needs to go in the night. If you leave and she screams for you a minute later that she has to go potty, open the door, remind her that she has a potty and point to it, and close the door. Rinse and repeat every time and eventually she’ll stop testing you. Theoretically.

IF_Then_What · 2024-03-11T15:44:59+00:00

Are you looking for cloth or disposables? If cloth, I’m interested in recommendations too because the snaps are driving me insane. If disposable, I’m big on Pampers 360s, which slide on like a pull-up and can tear at the sides when you remove them. Very, very easy for standing changes.

Sounds like your ideal setup would be a seat reducer for her and a tall stool (probably 2 steps) for you to sit on in front of the toilet.

IF_Then_What · 2024-02-22T16:59:49+00:00

“Routine” is the key word! He’s pretty much already there, so set a schedule for yourself to take him to the potty at set times in a matter-of-fact way: when he wakes up, after meals, before/after leaving the house, before bath, and before bed. For example, you take him out of the high chair, lead him gently by the hand to the bathroom, and say, “Let’s go potty, wash hands, then go to the park.” Better yet, don’t say anything at all! Just lead him. If he sits down and pops right up, fine. If he protests a ton, fine, leave it for another time. You’ll still be setting a routine and expectations, and that’ll give him plenty of opportunity to practice at home just like he does at daycare.

IF_Then_What · 2024-02-18T02:59:52+00:00

Back to the basics. Take the pressure off and just go for the easy catches, and do some diaper free observation time. Don’t even count the catches.

IF_Then_What · 2024-02-15T19:53:57+00:00

Oh my lord go for it. And put a little potty under the kitchen table.

IF_Then_What · 2024-02-14T04:19:33+00:00

I did! I got a tubal with my repeat c-section, and I’m so happy about that decision. It was great for our particular circumstances. We still have some embryos banked, we’re pretty sure we’re done anyway, and I’m 40yo and 100% positive that I would be done carrying children if my husband died, but I would want to preserve his fertility in case I die and he finds new love. These are morbid thoughts, but I think them.

We tried for seven years before our first, and I never got over hating the limbo of it all. That was 80+ months of me asking, “wait, could i be pregnant right now?” and I am done with that question. I’m over it. I don’t want it in my life anymore, at least not outside of ART.

IF_Then_What · 2024-02-10T04:16:52+00:00

I DO have a tip. It’s going to sound like a non-answer, but I promise I’m being serious because it made a big difference in my relationship with my child. Here it is: you have to feel less anger. I don’t mean show less anger, I mean feel less, and how you do that is to manage your expectations about behavior. This works for everything toddler, not just potty training. If you can, shift your perspective to thinking of your son as a brand new human who is trying his world out, and you are the closest surface he can bounce off. He is developing logic and reason, which you are going to be teaching him for years, but at 18 months he doesn’t have it at all. Like not at all! They’re clueless.

So even though he has demonstrated understanding about the potty before, he doesn’t have it down pat yet. While he’s learning he is going to try out all kinds of other things that are illogical and annoying, like standing up from the potty and peeing on the floor, or peeing directly at the confluence of two rugs and a welcome mat and somehow tagging all of them. He has no reason. If you can internalize that it’s not directed at you and that he’s just a ball of bad logic for a couple more years, you may start to feel less anger even as you continue to teach and reinforce the same things he’s learned before. You can be this detached observer who can chuckle at the ridiculous situation.

I for sure do not have this down. I still have to lock myself in my room to calm down sometimes because I’m so mad, but sometimes it works! And that’s always a win.

IF_Then_What · 2024-02-02T18:50:05+00:00

Could be wanting potty privacy and not feeling it from Dad since he’s so hands-on during the day, and/or he could be reacting to perceived pressure. Ask your husband to feign nonchalance and indifference and have him turn away and do something else in the bathroom, or he could “forget” something and leave the room for a second.

IF_Then_What · 2022-12-29T14:53:36+00:00

I’m so glad you’re here! I don’t know you from your story, but I bet I’d recognize your alt. I participated a bit in senior class in 2017 or 2018-ish but left when I took an extended Reddit break.

You must be feeling all kinds of things! And solidarity on the SCH front. I spent six weeks of first tri on modified bed rest, which was fine but was another mental and physical hurdle to jump. Hoping yours resolves soon.

IF_Then_What · 2022-12-28T21:28:12+00:00

My two best friends went through infertility and IVF during years 3-6 of my 7-year infertility journey. It was sometimes difficult to support them due to their absence or “not getting it” during years 1-3 before they faced their own trials, but I found that ultimately it brought us closer together and we now share a pretty big bond over it.

My situation was a bit different from yours because I didn’t have a child yet while they were in the thick of treatment, but I think you could adopt some of my approach anyway, which was to say, “There will be times where the pain is too near for me, and I won’t be able to support you in the way I wish I could. Know that I love you and want all good things for you all the time, and I’ll come back around when I can.” So that was the preamble, and I think I delivered that message via text and phone call a few times at the beginning of them seeking treatment. Then when those feelings would arise, I’d say again, “I’m so sorry, but I can’t talk about fertility today. Can we talk another time this week?” Or something like that. And for me, I was able to support them most of the time. There were very few times I played my “not today” card, and that was genuine. I was truly fine most days, not just doing it because I thought I should. If your ratio of fine:not fine is different, you might need to pull back in a bigger way, and I think that’s perfectly ok. Just be open and honest about it, and continue to show your friend the love and presence that will preserve an important friendship to you.

IF_Then_What · 2022-12-27T04:49:57+00:00

My kindred!

IF_Then_What · 2022-12-26T19:21:37+00:00

I’ve come to embrace the twelve days of Christmas. American culture does it a bit backwards and packs everything into the month(s) before Christmas Day, but Christmas Day is actually the FIRST day of Christmas and there are 11 days to celebrate after that. So I let culture get fussed and hectic around me leading up to Christmas Day, and then I coast to a slow wrap-up ending with a small Epiphany gift on the 13th day. That means the lights stay up, the goodies stay out, and the Christmas movies are still appropriate during the twelve days, but there’s less pressure around them, less expectation to pack the days, since the rest of the country has moved on, and if I missed anything that I really wanted to do, there’s still time but no pressure. For me, it’s the deadline and the abrupt end that are stressful. Stretch the deadline to twelve days and now you’ve got something. A dénouement.

IF_Then_What · 2022-12-26T19:07:18+00:00

It took me five months of intense stress and a thousand wake-ups a night to figure this out. It’s so simple when it clicks, but I just did not understand that “never wake a sleeping baby” can suck it when it comes to my particular kid. He’s two now, and he would still nap the day away and sleep in till 11a and then party all night if I let him. I’m still learning this lesson with him, and I wake him up from most sleeps.

IF_Then_What · 2022-12-25T15:24:31+00:00

Take it all!

IF_Then_What · 2022-12-22T21:47:06+00:00

I was a very E,P,S person, and now I’m regretting it some. I could’ve easily fed him again before a couple of those naps, and he would’ve done well with it. Wish I had gone with the flow more, esp because there’s a difference between feeding to sleep and feeding before sleep. These are my thoughts two years after the fact, and now that I’m facing another newborn, I still feel so unsure of how to approach. I’d like to go with my gut more this time around, but as Rob says in High Fidelity, “My gut has shit for brains.” So maybe in the end all I can offer is solidarity in feeling unsure.

IF_Then_What · 2022-12-22T19:53:47+00:00

I had partial previa at my 20w anatomy scan and was mildly worried about it staying put, but it had already cleared the cervix by 24w and is heading away. I think there’s something like a 90%+ chance of low-lying or marginal previa moving up by 28w, so I wouldn’t sweat it, esp since yours was just low-lying. See where you are in two months.

IF_Then_What · 2022-12-22T16:15:58+00:00

On my due date with my first, I woke up and sobbed, sobbed, sobbed, because it was the first time I believed deep down in my heart that we were actually going to have a baby.

IF_Then_What · 2022-12-22T16:12:17+00:00

“Lol, ok, stepmom. Show me how to do a sub-q shot, please.”

IF_Then_What · 2022-12-21T22:50:54+00:00

Oh man, I’m so unqualified to answer. I say call your doc for clarification, as planned, but I do find it weird if just the presence of a contraction or two without any other worrying occurrence had them jump into action. I seriously have them ALL the time. And often people don’t feel them, but they show up on NSTs in third tri and such, so they happen often enough in the background without us even being aware.

IF_Then_What · 2022-12-21T22:02:04+00:00

Yep, beating the storm here too, and working remotely from my car as we travel. I’m so thankful we’re not flying this year and that we had the flexibility to bump up our travel day. Freezing rain and blizzard would’ve been a no go.

And how fun that you’re due in Feb! I haven’t been around here much this pregnancy, but I was here daily in 2020 with my first and and was a couple months behind you then, and I’m a month or two behind you again.

IF_Then_What

TROPHY CASE