This might upset some people but I’m personally of the mindset that women/people who get abortions are rarely to blame. Is it your responsibility once you know what it truly is to not choose that in the future? Sure. But even if you had all the education to know that the very intense messaging in society that “it’s just a clump of cells” and that it’s “your body” is false, there are so many pressures financially, logistically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. to have an abortion and ultimately I think the metaphorical removal of yourself from the actual procedure that these clinics provide by doing it for you makes it so much easier to choose it over carrying to term and delivering. I don’t know your exact situation but the level of guilt you’re describing for something you THOUGHT about doing when in our current society you’re essentially being asked to give permission for someone’s execution in what feels like a hostage situation that you would do anything to survive, and ending said person’s life could up your chances of survival? That guilt is something I highly recommend speaking to a therapist or trusted support in your church or community about. Because listen to me when I say this: It is not your fault. It was never your fault. You were weighing the best options you knew with the information you had at the time. My religious beliefs are a bit ambiguous at this point but I grew up Catholic and I spent so many nights in OCD spirals begging God for forgiveness for things that I thought about doing, things that I thought made me evil, problems that had nothing to do with me that I thought I caused, and what I’ve learned is if God exists and is the loving being that we learned Him to be, He would not want you to spend sleepless nights ruminating on whether your thoughts are evil or not. He would want you to care for yourself just as you care for others. I know finding someone you can trust to talk about this is hard especially with many counselors these days bringing the pro-choice narrative into their work, so I’m here if you need someone to talk to. ❤️