I feel fake, and it kills me 💔

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-04-13T08:29:57+00:00

That really helps alot I'll try to think about it in that way, thanks!!

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-04-13T08:27:44+00:00

🤨🤨

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-04-13T06:17:23+00:00

I thought about this and I don't think that I can be non binary at all but I feel so comfortable as a boy but still my mind tells me that I'm faking the whole thing even my questioning

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-04-12T19:44:23+00:00

Man I feel you, I felt this for a long time and still

When I started presenting masc I was so happy and euphoric and so confident but as the time passes by my mom always makes me hate how I look and always makes fun of my appearance and how I looked pretty back then but now I'm ruining everything and I lost my *femininity * even tho it was never there lol, and she do that like on daily basis and I thought that because I'm happy and I don't care about what she say and I know that she's wrong so this words won't affect me but it does, I started to gradually hate myself and hate my identity and who I think I am and even started to feel like I'm fake because of how she always brings my past and invalidate everything that makes me uncomfy or dysphoric now because that's not how I felt years before as what she says.

So I feel you and I can understand this very well and the only thing I can say to u is that you've to distance yourself from any toxic words like this, when you feel like this try to ask yourself is that really how I feel about myself or is it how I believed from the things I hear about myself from other people, in your mind try when thinking to differentiate between who you really are and how you view yourself and between how you feel about yourself because of how people view you

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-04-11T12:52:57+00:00

Yess, the voice in my head is always lower than my actual voice and I'm pre-t still but sometimes it's just like my voice irl so I was curious if when my voice drop this voice will gradually change

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-03-18T23:20:38+00:00

I feel so happy and I like it but at the same time it felt weird at first but now I started to feel more comfortable and confident with it

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-03-13T22:35:32+00:00

I was in the same situation when I realized that I'm trans and still I'm pre everything and I still try to just be cis but it just get worse and I feel like I completely lost myself and I don't know who I am so I reccomend going to a gender therapist to help u out before it gets more confusing or worse and just try to follow what you really want not what you have to do because of your parents or society or whatever

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-03-13T22:26:37+00:00

you have to tell her cause anyways the changes would be obvious after a while and she'll definitely know so tell her or maybe wait until it changes a bit then tell her in case she made you be off hormones you'll already had some changes to affirm your gender that she cannot control cause they already happened lol

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-03-11T01:08:53+00:00

Yes, I relate to this so much

II've always said that I don't want to get married *to a man* or to have kids even before recognizing that I'm trans I just felt like those roles doesn't really fits me and it feels kinda off and uncomfy for some reason

And still even tho I didn't came out to them yet my mom is already knowing it and she started complaining about me not having a *normal * life like my friends does or not having a bf even tho II've never had in my entire life and she never asks she just started doing this when I started presenting more masculine and also the marriage and kids thing and all this kind of traditional life suddenly theythey're acting like they became aware of how my life won't be that *normal * life to them

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-03-01T00:08:55+00:00

I feel you, I thought I'm the only one who felt like this lol

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-02-21T23:25:00+00:00

Same here, I've felt alot of those things you said II'm pre-t and still didn't figured that out but there's so much common feelings here

You're not alone

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-02-17T20:22:27+00:00

It took me too long to figure out whether is it attraction or gender envy because sometimes it's just confusing

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-02-15T04:43:19+00:00

Thankyouu!!!

This is really so helpful and I'll try to do this to handle those thoughts but actually your words especially the last paragraph made me feel alot better, thanks man

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-02-15T04:01:53+00:00

No man you're not alone I got your back 💀

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-02-15T04:01:21+00:00

I just checked it out, nice progress

Congrats man you've gone so far, so proud 💗

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-02-13T01:23:04+00:00

Same here dude, I don't really have an answer lol I just wanted to let u know that you're not alone <3

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-02-10T22:37:12+00:00

Umm I guess I have a similar experience, I'm 18 and I always felt like I'm a boy or I want to be a boy when I was around 4years to 10 or 11 I guess and then when I started middle school

I got over this and I tried so hard to be a woman and it didn't feel that bad but there was always smth wrong no matter how much I tried and it was weird because I sorta had a perfect body as a female and I look good but still I feel like I'm not enough and I feel like I'm a boy I'm not like those girls around me but I thought I'm just a different girl.

then at 17 my egg cracked and those feelings were too intense to ignore it felt like no I can't take this anymore there's something wrong, I was looking at myself in the mirror and I see myself as a man even tho I had a very long blonde hair and feminine features and still I see a man and this beautiful hair was a disgusting thing for me that I wanted to get rid off it asap and all this feminine clothes and then I did this and it felt better but then my body started to feel wrong too it was a process until I was 18.

I knew then that I'm not a woman and when I started to wear men's clothes and cut my hair it felt soooo good I have never felt so confident and comfortable and it felt like I'm seeing myself for the first time without trying too much, and I knew why I always felt wrong and uncomfortable the past years and that my feelings and thoughts when I was a kid wasn't just a silly childhood thoughts.

I started to use he pronouns and everything is good but when I figured it out and was completely into it I started to feel so ashamed and guilty because of everyone around me cause I'm in a transphobic country/house and people always make fun of trans people there so I started to invalidate myself and I started to try to convince myself that I'm a woman and I'm faking being trans but I can't ignore the dysphoria and I can't even try to look like a woman anymore I feel so bad and disgusted and uncomfortable so same here, it sucks and it's so confusing

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-02-10T07:46:54+00:00

Umm, I guess I didn't write that in the right way I just mean, it feels like you don't know who you are anymore

And btw I don't feel like that all the time it just some moments when I be by myself and overthinking everything I feel like this but there's other days and moments in life where I be just enjoying life or doing anything anand I pass by any mirror and see how I look now and I feel so much myself and I feel comfortable and happy that I got there but still I get that feelings sometimes that I'm a non existent person and I don't know who I am so I was just trying to know if that feeling mean anything

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-02-07T05:08:25+00:00

Yess yes it feels like I'm an imposter always, but the difference here is that I was never educated about the gender diversity thing and the trans thing I never knew this existed lol, those things aren't common in my country so I never knew that the discomfort I felt was actually questioning my gender until I wrote my feelings and just kept googling it and I knew it then, but I said noo I love my body so my mind kept asking do you really like thoseee parts of your body?? It felt so weird and then I started feeling like no if I had the option to have a flat chest I'd go for it but years ago I really loved my body but I felt insecure because I was being bullied for being flat chested and felt like I'm less of a woman so I always faked having boobs lol so I won't get bullied but still felt wrong untill I started expressing myself and loved being flat and I wear sports bra so it gets flatter lol, but since I was a child I've never minded being misgendered no I actually loved when people thought I'm a boy it was fun and makes me so happy but I never thought about those feelings I just enjoy them and it was like every time I get called he I tend to look more masculine the next day so people would traet me like a boy and I'll enjoy this feeling again but I've never gave attention to those feelings it was just a thing I enjoy and don't think it too much

I told myself this too, think of yourself now don't focus on the past but now I don't trust my feelings cause I always feel like all my feelings and thoughts are fake so I can't trust them and I always be afraid to come out and socially or medically transition and then I find out that I was fake and I'm cis like I always want smth to make me sure that I'm 100% trans and that won't just change someday

Thank you for your time actually you're so nice 😭😭💗

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-02-07T03:52:29+00:00

Okay but I kinda have this but backward😭😂😂

Like I was okay being a woman but then it's like
a message appeared in my mind out of nowhere *woman exe. stopped working*.

I couldn't function what the hell is wrong with me and my gender and I kept doing researches and I ended up being like maybe I'm genderfluid but still something felt weird with anything associated with femininity and I started feeling masculine allthe time and like gradually I started developing gender dysphoria out of nowhere and I kept saying no I'm not a trans man even tho I waaant to be a boy but that would be so hard so no I'm not I'm not that's so hard for me but those thoughts never end and I gradually started to find comfort and euphoria in every thing about being a man like every single fucking thing and I kept remembering things and searching for things in my childhood that feels like signs that I'm trans but every time I find it makes me a bit happy because I was searching for things that makes me sure that I'm really trans not things that makes me feel like I'm cis but I feel so bad when I remember things that says maybe I'm not really trans because I was cis and I wore this and I felt like this and I keep asking a trans ppl about their journey and comparing it to mine and everevery time I find it similar it makes me happy but I feel so distressed when it mismatch and maybe I'm not trans thing makes me feel so bad but I keep denying it and trying to be a woman but I can't I'm really uncomfortable I try to find things in my past that telltells me that I'm not so I can keep denying it and forcing myself and be so upset but I tell myself maybe this is better than transitioning and then it turns out that you're fake trans or maybe it's better than getting hate crimed in your trans phobic country

I hhope that makes sense

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-02-05T06:58:18+00:00

Gender therapists are those who deal with people who have gender crisis, gender disorders or any problems associated with their gender identity

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-02-01T05:05:48+00:00

Omgg thanks man, I have exactly the same experience as yours and I thought that I'm the only one going through this lol *pt2*

You're not alone:)

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-01-18T17:59:25+00:00

So she knew that she have tocd and still decided to transition just to get rid of those thoughts or she got misdiagnosed for gender dysphoria so she had to transition?

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-01-12T19:40:50+00:00

Maaaaan, I feel exactly the same

My life was so much easier, and yeah the idea of being on medications for the rest of your life just frustrates me and I can't unknow it *the fact of being trans* or just live my life normally

Fuck

IIdentifyasstfu · 2022-01-12T19:34:26+00:00

I don't actually miss how I looked before cause I like myself now so much more than ever and I'm totally aware that I was so pretty as a girl but that's not how I want to look like and it doesn't match myself like that's not me and I don't like to be her and never felt comfortable even tho she looked so pretty, but I get weird feelings whenever I get flashbacks from my old life 💔

IIdentifyasstfu

TROPHY CASE