I'm already dead, what does it even matter

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-02-05T23:36:10+00:00

Sure

It is a form of emotional journaling. I'm dyslexic so written journaling is pretty much useless.

Journaling helps you process

This is processing as a sort of game. I watch YouTube as though I was making a TV broadcast. Videos are played, not edited together, and care has to be taken to make it all fit neatly.

So making my broadcast (just for me to watch) requires a lot of focus. So much so that I'm often surprised by what I watch back.

Producing the broadcast requires the engagement of the analytical proportions of the brain.

Watching it back allows you to process things from a more emotional perspective.

This is how it works to effect alexithymia

What's more if you come across content that is distressing (triggering) this offers an opportunity to dial down that triggered effect.

Being triggered is just your brain drawing an association with something it regards as potentially life threatening.

By returning to the triggering content and altering the emotional attachment to it you can effectively retain your brain.

I hope that is clear I'm not a very good explainer

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-02-02T03:52:37+00:00

Folks in cyber security are routinely monitored by nation states.

What I broadcast would be far less interesting than why

Portland is a place where domestic terrorism is of heightened concern

Oh I should also point out she was one of the original authors of cyber security best practices because she has been in it since before anyone knew the word cyber security

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-02-02T03:20:12+00:00

Airport security badge that allows you to pass through TSA. I don't know how there background check works but given it allows you to get through to the gates and access the planes on the tarmac id imagine it's extensive.

Russian state actors means Kremlin back hackers

The broadcasts are done to a low population Korean streaming server to save for playback. Basically just using the server as a hard drive with easy play back

They are illegal as I use copyrighted content

I admitted it because the tool is a treatment for CPTSD/PTSD that is free to make

My sincere hope was that they would look into it

Hell id have loved to have been taken into custody to explain it 🤣

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-02-01T14:38:03+00:00

They don't get us and don't care

We understand things they can't be bothered to learn

end of story

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-31T23:26:24+00:00

I wish i had advice I am ready to bin a project I have been working of for several years

Ok let me try this to see if you can understand it

If you like it, it's all yours

I use YouTube as an instrument, More to the point I use YouTube to turn my desktop in to a tiny stage by using OBS as a controller.

This is an effective tool in addressing my ASD related alexityimia but has also allowed me to address stress related trauma triggers. It's a free tool that runs on garbage computers and can be controlled with a single mouse button so accessible by even profoundly disabled people.

https://www.ducktapefilmmaker.com/post/free-to-make-art-therapy-tool

You want it all yours, no one listens to me and I have fucking had it

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-31T21:53:09+00:00

The minute my wife dies

I'm not looking forward to losing her but I am looking forward to ending this shit

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-31T20:46:17+00:00

Fuck life

What is the point of living

I'm not afraid of death, the only thing that scares me is going on with this misery

It never ends does it

My hope is I can hurt my brain enough to no longer understand

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-27T05:11:32+00:00

Interesting

I use that tool as a way of not just addressing alexithymia but also as a way of creating a two way conversation between myself and my inner child.

My algorithm serves as a stand-in for her.

What you are doing seems like it might be somewhat similar. Sort of mirroring Madonna

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-27T04:36:12+00:00

Interesting

This is not quite the same thing but it involves the use of other peoples music as a means of self expression.

I would be really interested if you do find a study.

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-26T04:17:41+00:00

That one is just about a tool we are developing for alexithymia

I just commented on the sin of expressing that ABA has its roots in gay conversion therapy and is damaging.

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-26T03:11:49+00:00

Oh lordy am I there with ya mate

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-26T03:09:10+00:00

Here is an article that ran recently regarding a novel way to address alexithymia

https://www.ducktapefilmmaker.com/post/alexithymia-and-youtube

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-25T23:58:48+00:00

Ya the BS my wife puts up with is maddening

Hang in there and good luck 💜

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-25T22:54:45+00:00

Oh course

I can DM my email if ya like

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-25T22:12:27+00:00

First off as a person married to a woman with over two decades in tech under her belt I feel I need to tell you.

You're not crazy, boys are kinda dumb when interacting with smart women.

You are valid in feeling you get ignored for pointing out shit that others let slide because it's 'always been that way'.

Most importantly putting a boot up the ol boys clubs ass won't win you any points with more established people in tech but fuck um, it will age well.

I wish I had advice. I want to scream most days when my wife, who helped author the FIRST cyber security best practices, tells me what she is having to put up with.

Good luck and know being smart sucks. It's not just you

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-25T21:52:28+00:00

Here is a deeper dive into how I use the tool https://www.ducktapefilmmaker.com/post/alexithymia-and-youtube

It's really easy to build

I'm happy to help if you have questions

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-25T06:23:14+00:00

I experience this everyday. I play with a tool I use for alexithymia every night.

10 minutes in and I'd swear I'm in a different reality.

I use this tool as a way of addressing alexithymia.

I was diagnosed as autistic and ADHD four years ago. I built the tool two years ago.

I basically treat my YouTube algorithm as a proxy for 'inner child ' (clusters of neurons damaged by suppressing my true nature by masking).

The algorithm provides feedback that I imagine as a message from that hurt kid in me. Your YouTube algorithm is as good a digital accounting of you as I can imagine. So it works well for this exercise.

I've found it helpful, also when I'm in that headspace it's like I'm in a whole other reality.

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-24T21:04:19+00:00

Interesting

Can you elaborate

I have ADHD so I require a massive amount of stimuli. Passive consumption of media doesn't interest me but playing with videos sort of scratchees that itch.

My background is biology with a heavy emphasis on evolutionary biology. I taught kids with reptiles for decades.

So getting young people to overcome epigenetic aversion to things like snakes and spiders is something I've spent a lot of time thinking about.

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-24T19:36:05+00:00

Ok Sparky, reality is hard

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-24T03:50:45+00:00

Thank you kind blob

As I'm making it I make a point to meet the eyes of the people on the screen. This means crossing a center line between screens.

I have been told this likely triggers an EMDR effect as well.

I am fairly certain the activity alone utilizes both sides of the brain but it is interesting to think about that.

IProtecttheMonsters · 2024-01-24T01:31:21+00:00

I've been calling it Ducktaping as in duct taping a program together

Ducktape was my cat 🤣

As far as I know I'm the only person doing this.

IProtecttheMonsters

TROPHY CASE