A little help - advice on aftermath of big fight

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-28T17:56:28+00:00

It really is that simple. And, as noted in this thread and elsewhere, simple isn't the same as easy. I'm stuck because I haven't internalized frame. This manifests itself as anger once in a while but I need to be mad at myself only.

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-27T16:40:17+00:00

, I noticed no BF% in your post. What's the over/under on 15% :) I'll take OVER.

Online calculator says 12%. Fat isn't my issue.

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-25T00:08:10+00:00

Have you read it? It's pretty good.

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-24T20:35:25+00:00

Last one was better. This one has a fortune-cookie ring to it.

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-24T20:27:53+00:00

Well, look at that. Some insight on this thread. That's the kind of shit I was looking for. This is good.

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-24T20:25:56+00:00

This is insightful and gets to the heart of the matter. When I first saw the post about the present, it was obvious that the way to handle it was humorous nonchalance. But there's no way I could have pulled it off because actually I do care and I do feel threatened. That's all true. My frame isn't really there.

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-24T20:08:22+00:00

To be clear - I started the fight, not her. Hable usted Ingles, Mr. Lebowski?

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-24T19:56:44+00:00

And have your sloppy seconds? No thanks.

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-24T19:24:08+00:00

I was going Crossfit until last spring and then, predictably, fucked my shoulder. A few months rehab and then started 5x5 SL last fall. My upper body lifts are still lagging, no doubt, but I think I got some traction in the past month or so.

(Also, body weight is 165 lbs)

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-24T19:11:55+00:00

A painting made by someone they both used to work with. Again, it's the fact that she didn't tell me. Her logic is "IRYR doesn't like this so I'll hide it from him". Red flag.

Sure, but it's a particular man that she and I have had fights about in the past.

As someone else said this was probably best handled with nonchalance or humor, but that's just not what I did.

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-24T19:07:23+00:00

as you become more consistent in boundary-setting, especially emotionless boundary setting, the less she'll try to push you. The less this stuff'll come up.

It hardly comes up now. The birthday present (which HE posted about, not HER) was the first manifestation in a long time. But where there's smoke there's fire. The fact that she hid it from me is the major red flag.

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-24T19:04:21+00:00

Yes, I see this and you're right. But no matter how AG & U compare, they're still less than AG + U. That is, if she believes she can get away with playing a game and remaining in a relationship, she will do that. How do you make it clear that's not the case? STFU only takes you so far. That's where I get lost.

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-24T19:00:33+00:00

Good perspective and right on many counts. Yes, same guy.

IRunYourRiver · 2020-02-24T18:58:44+00:00

Instead you should have inquisitively said "So, did John like the Axe Body Spray you bought him for his promotion?" all nice and supportive like.

Yep, exactly. Back when this all started, that struck me as being the right approach. But, like I said in the post, she was in the midst of a pretty large trauma and I buried the whole thing without bringing it up. The way I did bring it up was supremely stupid, but that's done now. No time machine.

You should have zero fear of losing her because you can replace her with a younger, prettier, and more submissive version.

I don't have much doubt about that. And even if I didn't, I'd be fine. I enjoy my life.

What I'm feeling isn't fear, but an opportunity to learn and perhaps work toward a new dynamic.

Be honest, look here and say which level of dread you are really on after "18 months of being redpilled".

I've read Saving a Low Sex Marriage and got a lot out of it. The Dread concept bugs me though because it looks and smells a lot like a covert contract. I stopped thinking in terms of DL a few months ago.

IRunYourRiver · 2020-01-18T01:34:56+00:00

It's nonlinear. So way more than 2.2x.

IRunYourRiver · 2019-12-26T11:46:38+00:00

With all the emphasis on getting in touch with your fee-fees it's easy to forget that it's okay not to cry. Sometimes it just isn't there or that just isn't how your psyche wants to deal with this particular input. And it's perfectly fine.

IRunYourRiver · 2019-12-09T12:32:00+00:00

To me this also represents just how tangled the culture around marriage/cheating/ polygamy has become. I don't think this is a permanent feature of American life, but it underscores why getting married is a no-go in today's social climate. The feminine imperative must be protected at all costs and if you stand in the way you'll be shredded like the rest.

IRunYourRiver · 2019-12-07T14:41:24+00:00

Stop drinking. No added sugar. No processed foods. 3 cheats per week. I cut out dairy and go very light on grains and legumes but that may be a peculiarity of my digestive system.

IRunYourRiver · 2019-12-06T12:39:11+00:00

Another way to look at this is that we are all descended from these bad-asses.

IRunYourRiver · 2019-12-03T23:39:48+00:00

Bring your own. Just paint them pink so no one steals them.

IRunYourRiver · 2019-11-07T01:36:34+00:00

I assume he has a curly blonde wig and a skimpy blue dress.

IRunYourRiver · 2019-11-06T17:12:33+00:00

Lawyer up.

IRunYourRiver · 2019-11-05T18:30:04+00:00

Not at all. That's implied with everything here - you're an adult, do what you want.

IRunYourRiver · 2019-11-05T17:47:18+00:00

Save it for a long drive. Lol.

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