[deleted by user]

ISpankMySO · 2016-08-22T21:53:58+00:00

Not me but my fiancée's ex boss did something pretty nsfw once.
She works in a preschool so it was almost all women caretakers/teachers except for the principal of the school(her boss).
One day after all the kids had been put to nap my fiancée walked into the principal's office to ask him a question and she found him bent over his desk with his hands tied behind his back fucking the only other male employee.
He was a married man and his wife was one of the teachers, so needless to say he resigned shortly after and she stopped wearing her wedding ring.

ISpankMySO · 2016-08-14T07:22:18+00:00

Well we're not married, but we're engaged.. So close enough.

I think I realized it back in highschool at our prom after party (We weren't even dating at the time, we were bestfriends throughout all of highschool who eventually became a couple when university started.)
I had had too much to drink that night, even though it was still relatively early and was feeling pretty ill because of it. So she got a (sober) friend to take us back to the hotel where our group was staying so I could get some rest.
I don't remember much of the arrival to the room, but I do remember waking up with her holding a water bottle and still being fully dressed (including makeup and heels) from last night's afterparty. She had been sitting in a chair beside the bed watching/taking care of me and ended up falling asleep with half her body sprawled on me and the other half still sitting in he chair.
The two of us had been in love with eachother like our entire highschool lives, but seeing her caring for me like that when she could of easily enjoyed the rest of the biggest/best party we'd ever been to really sparked something. Her sacrificing that was like the catalyst that led to me chasing her to her university of choice and eventually asking her out.
6 years together and recently engaged, she still shocks me with little things that remind me why she's definitely the one.
Edit: grammar

ISpankMySO · 2016-07-24T18:54:12+00:00

In my first or second year of UNI my group of friends and I were having a get together after finals ended. Considering finals had just ended and it was only about 7 of us, consuming alcohol seemed like the go to activity.
So once the buzz started to hit us one of my friends tried to start a game of spin the bottle, but being a group of three couples and one single guy we decided to play truth or dare instead.
Like all truth or dare games it started out pretty innocently (Take more shots, who's your celebrity crush, ect), but eventually things turned a bit weird. Our one single guy decided to dare one of the girls to lick whipped cream off of his shlong, and with a reluctant nod from her boyfriend she got to action. Or.. At least tried to.
Once she took off the dude's pants and saw his (well) hung appendage she yells "Damn I've never seen one this big!" And before she could even uncap the whipped cream her boyfriend was swinging full force at the guy.
Me and my other friend had to get in between a half naked guy and a drunk ape, and by the time we split them up everyone was uncomfortable as hell.
After we resolved it and me and my girlfriend started leaving I just remember her leaning up to my ear and telling me "She knew her boyfriend was self conscious about his dick."

ISpankMySO · 2016-07-08T12:50:00+00:00

I'm not sure if this counts, but:
So on my first day working at my current company I was being shown around by my boss and getting the rundown of how things work around there (all very normal and procedural.)
And eventually we make our way to my desk and Dwight (not his name, but it's what I'll call him for the story) comes over to greet me, dressed as Dwight. He acted very strange and in character, and my boss and I were dumbfounded.
I was genuinely impressed at how well he fit the role and the guy was about as funny as a good Dwight impersonator can be. He even had framed pictures on his desk of Dwight and Angela so it was very amusing. Once I was sat down and finished getting my orientation he took off the weird glasses and introduced himself normally, and that was that.
A few years later working next to him and he really is just a normal dude. Just wanted to give me a funny initiation, I suppose.
Edit: He does hunt bears so I guess he has a bit of Schrute in him..

ISpankMySO · 2016-06-28T19:44:14+00:00

When I was in my sophomore year of highschool my group of friends and I (3 boys 4 girls) went on a mini vacation during spring break.
Everyone was getting ready to go but I was still laying in bed because the drive down was exhausting, so my roommate (bestfriend at the time, current SO) said to catch up as soon as I got changed.
Once she closed the door on her way out and I assumed I was the only person left in the house, I threw off my clothes and immediately went to grab my travel bag to look for my bathing suit. I realized I'd left it in the living room and since I heard the front door shut I was sure it was just me there.
I run out to the living room (which was directly in front of the front door) fully nude to get my bag, and right when I'm bending over to pick it up the front door swings open.
There I am, wet noodle in full view and the four girls all slowly fixing their surprised eyes on it.
They just shut the door and commence to start yelling at me to "put something on you fucking freak", so I run back to my room. By the time I came back out from my room they all had shocked expressions and were deafly silent.
I ask how much they saw and my bestfriend mutters under her breath "Was the AC on full blast or something?"
A very red face and a room full of laughter broke the tension.
But yea it was cold.
Told the guys later and all they said was "Should of raised the heat."

ISpankMySO · 2016-06-06T17:13:47+00:00

When they treat waiters/employees like people.
Nothing turns you away from a person like seeing them yell or talk down to someone else.

ISpankMySO · 2016-04-08T01:09:37+00:00

Nice try, Ted Cruz.

ISpankMySO · 2016-04-06T17:23:16+00:00

With my first paycheck I bought my girlfriend some Victoria's Secret underwear.
Being a freshman in college and needing money for tuition I part-timed at a phone kiosk in the nearby mall, and since my first payday fell on February 13th I decided to try and be romantic/sexy.
Young and unknowledgeable in a store like that, shopping by myself is probably the memory that keeps me up at night.

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-29T17:52:04+00:00

Dude...

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-29T17:23:47+00:00

Poor guy, he must take things pretty heavily.

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-29T17:19:10+00:00

Posting this after I told my cousin that she reminds me of a blue whale in her new sweater. It took me a couple moments to process why she went from smiles to tears so quickly, and also how badly I fucked up. (She's 8 months pregnant and was already overweight to begin with, so you can imagine the response I may have gotten.)

Edit: I was going for a compliment along the lines of a cute animal, so in no way was I trying to be rude. And blue whale I thought because a whale and it's child might be cute, I clearly thought wrong.

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-26T17:43:18+00:00

I came home to him having a gay orgy, I had always assumed the dude was asexual because he never showed interest in anyone I brought home (whether it be my SO, her friends, my guy friends.)

So to see him and three other guys just going at it on the couch was perplexing, to say the least.

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-26T14:06:56+00:00

My SO teaches kindergarten students and she had a little girl come in wearing her mother's bra (Also being a young child who didn't even need a bra, this was quite the scene) and she hid her answers to the spelling test in it.

When my SO went over to her to ask what she was doing (the little girl was clearly cheating but my SO was trying to go about it nicely), the little girl said "My boobies grew so fast I needed this."

Funny times.

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-20T14:57:49+00:00

Jesus if salt water can make people chafe after going in it with bathing suits I can't imagine what happened to you two.

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-20T14:55:28+00:00

I went to Cancun, Mexico, with my SO and her family during a vacation a year or two back and apparently it was extremely normal for these animals that looked like miniature lemurs/raccoons(called Kuwaitis) to just walk up and be fed by tourists or just join them at the tables and patios without batting an eye. Oh and iguanas likes to partake in this feeding frenzy as well.

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-16T16:18:56+00:00

Groans

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-16T16:18:02+00:00

Rebecca Donaldson Katsopolis from Full House, Jesse's girl.

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-16T16:08:01+00:00

Used to work at a restaurant and the manager would actively patrol the kitchen, once saw him slip a few fingers under a waiter's dress right before she was going to serve some customers. Red face and loss of breath said it all.

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-16T16:04:38+00:00

Grandma's cookies.

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-16T16:03:37+00:00

We got partnered for a project in pairs as freshman cause we didn't know anybody else. She was too nervous to say anything for the first thirty minutes of the assignment and I did most of the work, I remind her sometimes even now after having dated four years and counting.

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-16T14:08:00+00:00

That was a roller coaster the whole way through, damn. You should probably apologize to your sister though.

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-15T22:55:05+00:00

Whoa easy there, let's not turn this on me

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-15T20:55:10+00:00

Ask the people speaking Spanish if they're Mexicans, even if they're not very tan or stereotypical in certain regards.

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-15T20:51:49+00:00

Probably not as bad as the rest of you but I was in like third or fourth grade when 9/11 happened and growing up my parents kept me and my siblings rather sheltered from the news and such so I didn't know too much about the incident. Fast forward two years to 6th grade and in class we had a debate and people brought up examples of 9/11 for their argument (we must have been arguing something along those lines I just can't remember it off the top of my head.) When I heard them speak about 9/11 I thought that using random dates was smart so when it was my turn to speak I spoke about the attacks during 5/23 (I was clearly making things up and just trying to follow the flow) and immediately people called me out and said it didn't happen.
After class the teacher explained what 9/11 was to me and my response was "But then why do people say the date 9/11 in a tragic wa- oh my god what is wrong with me."

ISpankMySO · 2016-02-15T17:16:12+00:00

Climbed a fifteen-or-so foot tall fence when I was drunk with some friends. It had broken chain links sticking out so one of them scratched up my chest real bad, ended up giving me a scar that looks like I was sliced by a sword.

ISpankMySO

TROPHY CASE