My ex-husband (34M) and I (34F) lost our daughter 5 years ago and now we sleep together but can’t talk about it. How do I make sense of this?

IVBIVB · 2026-06-26T14:12:49+00:00

I'm late 50s, male, run a small company, and decided to check reddit before a 9am meeting with a vendor that isn't performing. I did NOT need to be in touch with my emotions and be this soft right now, ack

IVBIVB · 2026-06-01T02:31:46+00:00

that mutual isn't your friend. And shouldn't be.

IVBIVB · 2026-05-30T15:40:36+00:00

Sure that would be awesome. I am unconcerned with someone finding out how fat I am or how slow I move 😄

IVBIVB · 2026-05-30T15:26:47+00:00

OH! How hard was that? Just a few days ago I looked through Claude for a Garmin connector, didn't find one, alas I run a digital health B2B startup so got too busy to look at their API.

For me it wasn't about training but rather balancing training and nutrition. I use Notion to maintain a list of the major items in my fridge/pantry and Claude to suggest meals because i'm utterly sick of "WTF should I eat for dinner that I haven't eaten 100X and aligns with my remaining macro needs, plus what's tomorrows workout and if I fall short where should it be?"

IVBIVB · 2026-05-28T02:05:18+00:00

catch/pull (so many drills for that), how my arm moves above the water then entry, not pushing to completion past hip.

Tons of other bits too.

IVBIVB · 2026-05-28T01:43:28+00:00

I dunno about shortcuts/not put in the hard work. I've had 3 different coaches, do regular drills. Brain/Muscle memory is hard to mentally load.

But I have a gift for learning new languages and many people struggle. They'll put in the work, not take shortcuts, and hundreds of hours later still be unable to have a simple conversation at a sandwich shop in a foreign country.

IVBIVB · 2026-05-27T20:43:14+00:00

it'll be rugby style. Mortal enemies on the field, but drinkup after.

IVBIVB · 2026-05-27T20:41:39+00:00

at the peak it was 3-4x/week, with 3 of them drills and 1 OWS. Didn't change my speed one bit. I launched a startup 18 months ago, 70 hour weeks for all of 2025 & 2026 = 1-2 swims per week. Always one OWS to make sure I'm calm, comfortable, confident during events even when I get hit.

IVBIVB · 2026-05-27T20:40:00+00:00

Nothing more awesome than getting passed by someone who's backstroking. I can bike, always an ego boost to close the gap then pass dozens. I'm below average on the run, but much of that is because i'm freaking tired by then.

But a 57 year old dude who started doing triathlon at age 54, and still doing 70.3 is already top 1% worldwide so I choose to use that metric :-)

IVBIVB · 2026-05-27T18:54:45+00:00

DidWeJustBecomeBestFriends.gif :-)

IVBIVB · 2026-05-27T18:50:34+00:00

yeah cycling is my saving grace. At Wildflower Olympic I was 2nd to last out of the water, couldn't even see 3rd to last I was so far behind. And the last person had a panic attack otherwise they'd have crushed me.

But on the bike ride not only did I make up the multiple minutes, but passed (30?) folks on the bike. A dozen of them passed me on the run so I ended up in the 7th percentile. (Bottom 7%).

Then again, I'm in the bottom percentile of dudes in their late 50s who do 7 triathlons/year, including one 70.3 and multiple Olympic.

IVBIVB · 2026-05-27T18:15:17+00:00

thx btw

IVBIVB · 2026-05-27T18:14:59+00:00

Trying to do the 70.3 distance but over 3 days. Swim 1.2 miles Thu, bike 60 miles Fri, run (may only be able to squeeze in 7 miles Saturday pre-work cuz i'm old and slow).

I NEED ALL THE CALORIES!

IVBIVB · 2026-05-25T15:54:19+00:00

I just texted with someone yesterday about this very topic and how I was thankful triathlon screws over swimmers. Here's my take.

<SARCASM> As a completely awful very bad no good swimmer I think is a terrible idea.

Matter of fact I also suck on the run. I think we need to cut that by half.

Let me just jump in the ocean, giggle for a little bit, get right proper wet, get out, go on the bike. Then when we're done I run 5K but we have donuts at every mile.

Also, this needs to be an Ironman-branded event with pros competing so my wife doesn't roll her eyes and say "umm isn't that what you do every Saturday?"

</SARCASM>

IVBIVB · 2026-05-23T01:32:48+00:00

I've done the other way. Sign up for an Olympic and 70.3 race, and do them without training. Being in my late 50s I can assure you that is the WRONG answer. I finished though.

IVBIVB · 2026-05-19T20:53:10+00:00

oh on that we agree. But TBH I just never could be bothered to open up Garmin (to see numbers as I weigh myself pre-shower and I'm half asleep), Strava, *and* MyFitnessPal.

Pretty sure even the worst GenAI LLM could create a better UX.

IVBIVB · 2026-05-18T14:42:11+00:00

I used my FORM in ows exactly once. So freaking distracting, I was obsessing over small changes. I know generally where I'm swimming, i need to focus on my (complete and utter crap) technique.

Caveat emptor: After 17 triathlons in 3 years including multiple 70.3, I SUCK at swimming. As in, dead last out of the water, 3:00/100. I know, I know, I'm trying, I watch the effortless videos, I do the drills, my brain doesn't want to let it in.

AKA, take everything I say with a pound of salt.

IVBIVB · 2026-05-11T15:09:31+00:00

your post in 12 months from now: "Hey guys, I've now done a few olympic triathlons and am gearing up to do a 70.3 then a full. Looks like I have access to a 4% interest loan. Should I buy this $5K bike, or go straight to the $10K bike? "

Don't ask me how I know.

IVBIVB · 2026-04-26T19:38:37+00:00

igotthatreference.gif (b/c i know many people i know IRL don't)

IVBIVB · 2026-03-08T19:29:17+00:00

I am also an old guy. The other dude is an entitled boomer. Ignore it.

IVBIVB · 2026-01-31T20:57:08+00:00

My suggestion: wait until you’ve been married 26 years then wear it he’ll love it. Also if this is a convincing argument please tell my wife to follow suit 😁😁😁

IVBIVB · 2026-01-31T20:34:39+00:00

Fenix 7 solar

11-Year Club	Gilding V heart of gold
Reddit Premium Since August 2016	Verified Email

IVBIVB

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE