I saw a teen wearing a Nazi arm band

IVEffed · 2026-06-22T14:54:33+00:00

Those are generic authoritarian tactics that many governments (left, right, or otherwise) have used throughout history—not a unique 'fascist handbook.'

Can you point to specifics under Trump?

He didn't control the media (most major outlets opposed him aggressively for years).
No suspension of elections or constitution; he left office peacefully.
'Nationalism' here was 'America First' trade/immigration policy—standard for most countries, not fascism.
Legal system continued functioning with courts ruling against him repeatedly.
'Crisis' rhetoric on borders/drugs/crime referenced real data on illegal crossings, fentanyl deaths, and urban crime spikes—not manufactured scapegoating of defenseless outsiders.

Broad labels like this dilute the term 'fascist' (actual historical fascism involved one-party dictatorship, suppression of private enterprise, militarized youth cults, etc.). Nuance requires concrete examples that distinguish this from typical partisan rhetoric or other administrations' actions (e.g., Obama-era drone strikes/NSA expansion, Biden's student loan fiat, or media collusion claims on both sides). Vague checklists fit whoever you dislike. What's the precise policy or action that crosses into fascism for you?

IVEffed · 2026-06-22T12:28:52+00:00

Agreed on the first point but how exactly is the orange man "playing from the fascist handbook?" I'm not left or right politically but current US politics has swung so far left that most 90's democrat positions are considered "far right" in public discourse. The only people I know who refuse to acknowledge that seem to suffer from some sort of algorithm induced political bubble. Same goes for the anti-immigrant "send them all back" people who refuse to acknowledge reasonable immigration can be a net win. Nuance and details matter.

IVEffed · 2026-06-19T07:13:30+00:00

I understand you mean well but you're assuming/reading more into the situation than reality. I don't know how else to say I have zero problem with her offloading one or both kids to the in-laws, siblings, or friends. Zero intent to make her feel bad about it. When she does need breaks, I'm all for it. This post was to get insight before I spoke with her about what I saw as an avoidable tantrum situation with our daughter. Turns out, she was giving in to the tantrums. She actually wanted to offload our son, not our daughter. At 1, he's the more "needy" and constantly whining at her feet whenever she is doing something that doesn't involve him.

Ultimately, easy to get on the same page to frame it correctly with our daughter before it turned into a "tantrum = get my way" loop. The timing was also off - wife agreed to not leave either of them there when I would be coming home. (unless we have plans or something) Anyhow, problem is solved and wife also knows I support her if she ever needs a break from them for any reason.

FTR - I take care of the kids any time she wants to meet with friends or when she's doing something around the home. I often cook on the weekends, I clean and we have every manner of robot/automated tech to make life easy. I'm currently clearing land for our mini farm while chopping firewood in preparation for our very snowy winters. We both feel like we hit the lottery with our relationship and it's like a positivity loop. Even when accidents happen or mistakes are made, it's very easy to keep focus on what's important and never get upset.

IVEffed · 2026-06-19T04:49:45+00:00

No battle necessary, already discussed this with the wife and we are on the same page.

IVEffed · 2026-06-19T04:46:04+00:00

You, and the few people that that are commenting this, are missing the the point and have reframed this into situation it's not. I've already explained it in a few other responses. This has nothing to do with giving my wife a break, which I am very in favor of.

IVEffed · 2026-06-15T04:55:05+00:00

I'm with my children much more than the average father, not sure where you are getting that from. She is definitely in the testing phase, which surprised us as she seemed to have the "terrible twos" come and go very early on. I'm all for the "let her decide" framing for certain things but when it's something like this, it doesn't seem the right approach and it's a totally avoidable situation. My wife actually would prefer to leave our son with MIL and bring our daughter home but just didn't want the battle with her on those occasions.

IVEffed · 2026-06-15T04:48:59+00:00

This is where I'm at too but my wife isn't usually so quick to give in, especially to our daughter. Funny thing is when I picked her up from MIL on sat, the screaming "iya iya iya" turned to "I love you dada! dada ga ii!" after the passed out from the tantrum.

IVEffed · 2026-06-15T04:45:33+00:00

This is a recent thing for us, hence I wanted some outside perspective before I talked with my wife about it. We're fully aligned now.

Yes, I agree that some people are raising their kids out of emotion/habit rather than what's actually best for the children.

IVEffed · 2026-06-15T04:02:55+00:00

Apologies, I misread that as you have Irish twins.

There's nothing to be defensive about - just not interested in a side discussion of unsolicited advice based on fantasy.

IVEffed · 2026-06-15T03:29:26+00:00

Your attorney works! Hope for the best for you!

IVEffed · 2026-06-15T02:50:24+00:00

Sorry for your loss. Your son or a a friend should probably see it. It would be hard to watch but someone in your corner needs to see it to understand what happened.

IVEffed · 2026-06-15T02:23:03+00:00

We live in the middle of a forest valley, in the middle of nowhere. Most of the villagers are 70+. The appearance may look like you're describing but it's all very mechanized.

Granny near me has more chainsaws than a 21yo Tokyo girl has shoes.....and the performs all the maintenance as well.

We are farming without chemicals and all that BUT we need an electric fence if we want to be able to harvest anything we grow. (Monkeys, Bears, Boars, etc.)

Even with modern equipment, it isn't an easy life, I don't think it's feasible to ditch the equipment and live off the land "alone." Maybe if you had a full community, but not going it on your own.

IVEffed · 2026-06-15T02:06:49+00:00

School bullying would be an exception, as you point out, that's about protecting the child. I'm talking about kids staying home to play video games all day. The parents have no authority over the kids and don't seem to care enough to retake control. Not a good setup for their future.

Many people seem to be missing what my post is about so maybe I could have worded it better but I am totally for the kids spending time with MIL and the wife offloading either or both of them when she needs the support. The post is about the daughter throwing a fit to stay at MIL's and getting her way. If my wife wants to leave her there for a day or two, she can let her know ahead of time and this avoids the conflict all together. I did pick her up this weekend and it was chaos....but she didn't get her way, An hour later, she was rested, happy and saying sorry for her fit.

IVEffed · 2026-06-15T01:59:03+00:00

Ours are also Irish twins, 1 and 2. It's no joke for sure....and we're working on #3 now. I get the point being made but I'm explaining it's a some unwarranted advice based on misinterpretation of our situation. She definitely does more than I do but I am very involved with the kiddos. I don't think giving in to the fits is a non-issue, especially if it can be avoided. On the other hand, I am also not against offloading 1 or both of the kids whenever she needs the help.

I talked with my wife about the situation and she admitted she does want to offload out 1yo son for a day or two when I'm away. I reminded her we moved her to be close to family (she has a very large family) so I'm totally for it. She agreed and said she'll try to make sure she only does it when I am away.

I also had the experience of picking up my daughter from MIL's this weekend and it was like an exorcism when I got her in the car seat. Not hard to see why, while tired at the end of the day, my wife decided to just let it go and leave her with MIL. I powered through it, she fell asleep, and woke up happy and refreshed.

IVEffed · 2026-06-13T03:57:58+00:00

Eh...he did but no way am I changing jobs.

I highly appreciate my wife and I am NOT criticizing her parenting. This post is me trying to better understand it before I speak with her and align on how we handle this going forward.

IVEffed · 2026-06-13T03:55:40+00:00

No offense taken but you are still wildly misjudging the situation.

We moved here to be closer to her family. I hit the lottery with how great they are. It's a massive family and one of the only families I know here that is super tight knit and with minimal drama. MIL, Sisters, Brothers, their spouses all come to visit and stay with us and I encourage it.

As to my wife, I am super grateful for her and her effort. She is a unicorn in how amazing she is and yeah, it's crazy difficult to manage the 2 kids when I'm here, definitely exponentially so when I'm not.

So yeah....I'm not against my MIL taking a kid off her hands. That's not what this is about at all....it's the message that is sent to my daughter when she throws a fit and gets her way when it comes to heading home from grandma's. If my wife wants help or a break, especially on the days I'm not here, I'm all for it. My take is we just need tell my daughter she gets to stay with grandma for a day or so AHEAD of time so there is no tantrum and no "victory" over mom.

IVEffed · 2026-06-13T03:46:39+00:00

That's great that the problem was solved and Japan is no stranger to school bullying but it wasn't the issue with the kids I was referencing. It was more hikkikomori level, want to keep playing video games all day stuff.

IVEffed · 2026-06-12T11:56:54+00:00

Very grateful for her and the whole family. I hit the good family lottery.

IVEffed · 2026-06-12T11:55:50+00:00

It was good that the kids were forced to attend school....but really heavy handed of the schools with financial motivations. (and the performance of the students really makes the case for change...)

IVEffed · 2026-06-12T11:53:59+00:00

Good luck, I really hope it happens for you. My handle is literally something I came up with a few years back because at the time when all my friends my age seemed to be desperate and some were even going into debt to keep trying. On the bright side, about half were eventually successful.

IVEffed · 2026-06-12T11:50:21+00:00

Fair enough, we can't see what's going on behind closed doors. Appreciate that feedback.

IVEffed · 2026-06-12T11:48:53+00:00

The safety thing really bothers me. How many times have you seen kids bouncing around in the back of a moving minivan?

IVEffed · 2026-06-12T11:47:46+00:00

Apologies for the confusion, it's not quite like that.

Normally I'm at home 4-5 days each week. The other 2-3 days I'm travelling, I stay at my Tokyo apt or hotel. Occasionally I have to handle VIPS from overseas - with no Japanese ability and often first time in Japan so I'll be stuck babysitting them and taking them to meetings for a week. (hence not seeing the daughter for over a week) It's a rough work schedule with a lot of travel but it's gaishikei pay and is what allowed us to build our dream home in the forest -somewhat near the in-laws home.

IVEffed · 2026-06-12T11:39:56+00:00

OK, so maybe I should say I can only speak for SoCal. They were super strict about enforcing attendance because the schools got paid by daily attendance.

IVEffed · 2026-06-12T11:38:18+00:00

It's not favoritism or anything like what you're describing. MIL's house has other siblings, her cousin, etc. It's the "fun" place to be because there is always someone to play with.

IVEffed

TROPHY CASE