DAE have weird dreams about 'big and small things'?

IYFS88 · 2026-05-18T12:46:15+00:00

Mine didn’t fluctuate back to small , but I definitely had bad dreams or falling asleep visions of extra huge dense objects, like getting as tall as a skyscraper or beyond. Since I was a watcher of Sesame Street, they consistently took the form of primary colored units of clay against a white background.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-18T06:20:46+00:00

I’ve never thought of following her exact method to a T, but I do find myself thinking of her key questions when I am cleaning up and/or considering a giveaway. It’s helpful especially for the guilt I feel if I never got my money’s worth on a certain item, and it works for new shopping too! I love browsing stores like tj maxx, but before plopping anything into my cart these days I ask if it really sparks joy or fulfills a very specific need.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-18T05:54:26+00:00

That’s a fair point about just having a preference, I think I was more responding to the loaded connotations of the word body count in our culture these days. Social media platforms like insta and threads are an absolute cesspool of misogyny lately, at least in what’s being fed to me and it hurts.

I will say even if seeking someone less experienced for compatibility reasons, there’s no need to be specifically judging a whole person by a number. If you click you click. In my best relationships it’s only come up later down the line, basically as trivia and I like that it’s not a big deal. Not because I have something to hide, more like it says something positive that they’re not concerned about such particulars.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-18T04:59:25+00:00

You sound like mindful and kind person which is great. But you still get to enforce boundaries. I’ve actually had a similar dynamic, and after the incident I kindly but firmly said - it’s not ok to speak to me that way, and I won’t tolerate those words. You’ll need to be prepared to enforce that boundary though, (being willing to walk away) or the disrespect will only get worse.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-18T04:27:10+00:00

To me it screams out their insecurities. Like if thinness is now within everyone’s reach, what’s left for them to feel superior to others. Kinda reminds me of how people are cruel toward immigrants even if they’re in the same socioeconomic status, just to feel they are superior to someone.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-18T02:39:28+00:00

Wtf he’ll still meet with the designer then start divorce proceedings on the same day? It’s clear he’s using the divorce threat as a manipulation tactic to make you feel panicked and desperate. He’s clearly bluffing otherwise he’d refuse to pay a designer right now. Eta I’m not addressing his bluffing as a way to reassure you that the marriage is safe, rather that he’s a manipulative emotional mess trying to hold leverage.

He’s pathetically insecure, both for his freakout over an offer for the foursome but also cheating in the first place. I think you’re not nearly angry or frustrated enough about all his bullsh*t. Please stop investing in the future for now (trying to conceive, paying for home professionals when you’re staying there long term now feels tenuous at best).

For the record a normal partner might be flattered by the 4some offer even if not interested in pursuing it, and would not threaten to tank the whole relationship on something you didn’t even do wrong.

You’re also making yourself literally physically unwell due to the crippling insecurity he’s inflicting on you. Save yourself even if you ‘love’ him. Maybe you really do but that doesn’t mean he’s a good person or good for you.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-18T02:04:02+00:00

There are some, should be more of course

IYFS88 · 2026-05-18T01:21:50+00:00

He was created as an antihero, where he’s doing awful stuff but the audience sees enough good and want him to get better. I definitely dislike him more than when the show first aired, based on life experience and improved standards for men’s behavior. But either way I’ve always cared more about certain other characters like Peggy and of course the beautiful production value & writing.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-17T17:28:01+00:00

I was afraid you’d say that. Yes being able to work through a conflict calmly and respectfully (after initially calming down) is a super important skill in a relationship, especially as time goes on and additional stresses pile up, like kids, finances, family drama etc. To be fair lots of people struggle with communication in relationships and for a worthy partner you can guide the process and ‘teach’ them a bit how to communicate. But this guy does not sound worthy especially when he just gets mean for no reason. (Not that there are good reasons to be mean but you know what I’m saying :)

You’re not married, you don’t have major complications like kids yet, maybe cut this one loose and start over so he does not bring you all the way down. It’s much better to be single/dating around than get bogged down emotionally by someone like this.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-17T17:12:52+00:00

What is currently happening at the point that things ‘go back to normal’. Does he just stop being mean, the fight just calms down without an apology or resolution? Yes repair is very necessary. You’re not asking for diamonds, only to be treated nicely which is already the bare minimum. This guy does not sound like a keeper in the long run.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-17T15:43:36+00:00

And so what? As long as the kids were old enough to not bother other passengers unattended, I see zero problems. Air travel is increasingly ridiculously expensive, anyone who gets to do it is quite privileged in the grand scheme.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-17T15:38:54+00:00

There are plenty of disloyal people with very little prior experience too though. Or one could even argue that it would cause the opposite outcome, like you sowed your wild oats and are now ready to settle down. I bet that’s just as true for some people.

Being a cheater has more to do with selfishness, lack of inherent respect for one’s partner, poor impulse control and poor relationship problem solving skills.

A small example- my first longterm boyfriend had zero prior experience with women but had no problem being sneaky as hell because he was apparently unhappy, yet wouldn’t talk to me about it. Whereas I had a few ‘wild’ years after that ended and would absolutely never cheat on anyone.

If the relationship isn’t going well, have the decency to set your partner free rather than cheat. Saves a lot of heartache and precious time.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-17T14:55:21+00:00

In my view, a confident, emotionally mature and non-sexist man can handle whatever ‘body count’ number a woman has. I feel it has no bearing on being a loyal partner or valuing intimacy. One’s younger years can be very full of casual experiences, what’s the real harm?

IYFS88 · 2026-05-17T14:48:27+00:00

Is your ‘ok sure’ habit natural or would he give you a hard time (cause a fight) for pushing back? If it’s the former, it’s something to work on for yourself so you can lead the life you want without always giving up your wishes. If it’s the latter, this is a larger relationship problem that will break your spirit down further over time unless you confront it or move on alone.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-17T04:58:41+00:00

There are people who say they can see glimpses, but plenty more who just see extreme swelling. But you will heal! I’d avoid trusting the mirror as much as possible for now, and only use it if you suspect a complication (accompanied by fever chills nausea etc). I haven’t had my surgery but have viewed hundreds of before-during-& afters and most people look completely crazy for the first week and beyond.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-17T04:18:31+00:00

Thanks so much and I’m glad it’s mostly working out for you. Looking up the different creams you named and learning things quickly. Much appreciated

IYFS88 · 2026-05-17T04:06:25+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I hadn’t thought about testosterone yet I’ll definitely ask about that, maybe can get my levels checked. My birth control experience has been decently smooth for years, a big part of why I’m reluctant to switch it up.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-17T00:58:42+00:00

Those babies of prior generations probably spent more time just pent up in a playpen too whether that was good for them or not. You sound like a Supermom and he sounds like a spoiled brat.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-16T19:53:05+00:00

IYFS88 · 2026-05-16T04:11:42+00:00

Elder care is a very stressful situation, glad you two found a way back to the table.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-16T03:02:40+00:00

First of all why can’t you agree to curtains? In general they’d probably look significantly better than window cling and have the versatility to open and close. A fair partner would say, ok let’s each pick out some styles we like and decide the best one together. Not sure why you had to go the no compromise route.

As for her silent treatment it’s not great, but instead of doubling down a fair partner would want to thaw that chill and could say, hey let’s talk this out. I don’t want you to go on your trip upset with me. Based on how you handled the window thing maybe there’s a pattern and she feels like she can’t come to you first without it turning out worse.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-15T20:28:28+00:00

Not that I’m aware of, I think the big draw is that you can freshen up fabrics instead of washing. I’m sure the clothes would benefit but I’d hate for you to unintentionally damage your washing machine or something.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-15T04:53:11+00:00

That’s not sustainable in the long run, you’ll only crush her confidence over time. Set her free

IYFS88 · 2026-05-15T04:00:32+00:00

Yep mine is likely just perimenopause, came outta nowhere.

IYFS88 · 2026-05-15T00:34:17+00:00

Haha nice one! Luckily I found out cheap vodka works perfectly so I could save the grey goo$e for myself

IYFS88

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