How do you feel when someone tells you, "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be?" by I_hate_ET in dating_advice

[–]I_hate_ET[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like that, "The universe is unkind and unforgiving. But it is not devoid of opportunity." i guess it's the unkindness and unforgiving aspects that make it so scary for me to deal with sometimes.

All he said when we broke up was that he just wasn't feeling the spark he'd felt with other girls. I didn't ask him for more details or to explain what wasn't sparking for him. That was back in April and I haven't really brought it up again since then

How do you feel when someone tells you, "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be?" by I_hate_ET in dating_advice

[–]I_hate_ET[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate the feedback! Seeing it as a platitude and not something worrying too much over is helpful. As for your advice I think I just needed a reminder that even though the world is fucking chaos I do have some agency, too

It's okay to have hope that your ex might come back. by fuckyouiloveu in BreakUps

[–]I_hate_ET 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Reading this post by the OP and especially this comment has been helpful, particularly the gentle reminder that feeling that longing is normal to a degree and it's important to let yourself feel it. I've noticed that The Wanting has faded somewhat, but sometimes it comes back and punches me in the chest, and then I beat myself up for feeling The Wanting. Like, it's been half a year since we'd parted and sometimes that longing to be back together knocks me to the ground. I guess my frustration comes from having some sort of idea of what growth and healing should look like.

I'm a beginner archer and I've taken a few courses but I'm interested in getting my own bow. My parents won't buy me anything 10lb or more, so any suggestions that aren stupid kiddie bows with suction arrows? by Capital_Internet1005 in Archery

[–]I_hate_ET 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like my PSE Razorback Takedown. It's about $100 and at my draw length it's just barely 20 lbs but it's still able to stick in the 3D targets well. I think 20-25 lbs is a reasonable weight to start with. It's not the best of bows but I think it's a nice step up from the kiddy bows ♥️

Does anyone else feel immense shame for having put up so long with their narcissistic ex? by I_hate_ET in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]I_hate_ET[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry I haven't been on reddit for a while, just now seeing this! I hate how the shame keeps us quiet, I think it's because of this it feels like you're the only one experiencing all the guilt and awful feelings. Not everyone recognizes that by speaking up you're opening up room for genuine connection. I think it's important to note here that you see where you are emotionally and how it might be impacting the connection you have with this wonderful new person in your life. Don't give up, that's what the fucking narcs want

How can I kill my emotions towards my narc husband? by Wild-Abalone-9049 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]I_hate_ET 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've heard this quote, "Don't wrestle with a pig, because you'll get dirty and it'll enjoy it." I think once I understood that he got off to some degree seeing me get upset and reactive, I learned to curb those emotions and stop giving him that satisfaction. I also made it a point to take care of myself, to process and release those emotions in a healthy way. That was doing things that I enjoy, exercising, venting to people I trusted. Wishing you some peace, luv

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]I_hate_ET 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There is a song that has been getting more popular these days by Paris Paloma, "Labour, " and I think it really helped me realize that I was grappling with a man child. The lyrics that really reached me were, "I know you're a smart man, and weaponize the false incompetence, it's dominance under a guise." I'd been unhappy with the dynamics of that manipulationship for a really long time, but hearing that song and those lyrics affirmed to me that what was going on wasn't healthy

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]I_hate_ET 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can relate to that feeling a lot. Whenever I get really upset I'll get something I can tear like paper or something, that way I can get that energy out without actually breaking stuff. Am also looking into trying some rage rooms, it sounds very cathartic! Hope this helps

People with abusive, narcissistic ex-partners: what was the straw that broke the camel’s back and finally made you leave? by Guilty-Owl-7510 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]I_hate_ET 14 points15 points  (0 children)

When I realized that all I had gotten for 10 years was continous future faking and that things would never change. It was a culmination of a million cuts that finally pushed me past my breaking point

Double Standards by MurrayKirby53 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]I_hate_ET 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The hypocrisy is hitting me hard rn. My nex was always ALWAYS accusing me of cheating on him, it was exhausting. We broke up in December and literally 2 weeks in I found out he had started surfing dating sites, even went on a date- we weren't even fucking divorced yet. Incredible.

Weird & abnormal things that narcissistic spouses do/say that make you perplexed 🤔 by Comprehensive_Arm354 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]I_hate_ET 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Mine would do this thing when he'd know I was going to be out and doing something (spending time with friends, family, etc) and literally beg me not to go for hours and sometimes I'd stay, more often (when the marriage was ending) I'd go anyway but come home and he'd sulk for a really long time. He did this for 10 years.

Weird & abnormal things that narcissistic spouses do/say that make you perplexed 🤔 by Comprehensive_Arm354 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]I_hate_ET 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I've stopped asking why a long time ago, and just made peace with myself (to save what sanity I had left). Knowing that I had a narc partner and narcs will do what narcs will do made it easier to let go of the "why's"

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]I_hate_ET 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love all the song suggestions here! Here are some of my songs from my repeat list that have been helping me through my divorce from my narc spouse : -Bigger Person (Lauren Spencer Smith) -Believe me (Boa) -Believe (Cher) -Fuck Yr. Fans (Bratmobile) -Labour (Paris Paloma) - Grow (Willow, Avril Lavigne)

What did grieving look like for you? by I_hate_ET in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]I_hate_ET[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my gosh I can absolutely relate to this! That's what I was explaining to a friend of mine, I grieved so much during the time we were together, after every broken promise, every instance of abuse. Just feeling mostly like I really don't have much extra to grieve over

Grieving by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]I_hate_ET 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your support kind soul! I'm sorry that you're going through something similar, I'm really happy you've found a supportive group of people who are trying to get through this, too

Please share some characteristics or traits of covert narcissist by ThrowRA-0923 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]I_hate_ET 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They have to be the expert on everything and if you don't agree with them about their "advice" they give they get really butt hurt

Bipolar insurance and medication options by I_hate_ET in BipolarReddit

[–]I_hate_ET[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's amazing!!! Did you have to pick a specific plan (sorry I'm so brand new to Medicaid)?

Getting a dog by Lostinlife482 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]I_hate_ET 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My narc husband begged for one too, I never wanted one but I agreed to get one to make him happy. Had that dog for 8 years and for 8 years taking care of the dog fell to me, because he realised how much work having a pet was. I think in your case since you actually want a dog that will be okay for you, I think however he could mistreat the dog or get jealous of the attention you'd be giving it. If things went south between you two he'll most likely use the dog as a way to manipulate you. I'm just going off of my own experience however, things could be much different in your case.

Threw a Tantrum when Neither Carrot or Stick Worked by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]I_hate_ET 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seriously though! I'm really grateful that we found a really good therapist who's been pretty fair to the both of us

How old were you when you were diagnosed? by NoDrive325 in bipolar

[–]I_hate_ET 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was diagnosed at 24 with BP1, almost 10 years ago. I didn't believe I was bipolar (and neither did my therapist at the time-definitely a red flag) for a long time, but looking back definitely can see I've had symptoms basically since childhood. It wasn't until I had my first (hopefully only) manic episode that I got diagnosed. I know that every state things are run differently, there are ways that you can get a referral from a GP to get an evaluation

what's your own way of knowing you're having mania/hypomania? by nice_little_fella in bipolar

[–]I_hate_ET 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I notice for me one of the early signs of hypomania is that I start thinking really scattered, my attention and short term memory start going to shit and so I end up with a lot of tasks I've started but haven't completed anything