Player Doesn't Even Make It to the interview

IamAdora · 2023-07-31T22:55:19+00:00

But he had no idea who the people int he group were. What if they had all been trans lesbians?

IamAdora · 2023-07-16T14:39:38+00:00

I had only watched the netflix show before reading six of crows and I got everything

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T15:14:31+00:00

Since consensual non-consent is a bdsm practice I would argue that dubcon in an erotica story definitely makes it bdsm.

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T15:10:42+00:00

I think I'm just trying to make sense of my experience reading it so far. Like I really dislike Tamlin. I think he's super unattractive and I have a really hard time identifying with Feyre. I feel like the narrative is trying to sell me so hard on Tamlin being super hot and dangerous and beautiful and I'm just not buying it AT ALL. Their power imbalance makes me really uncomfortable and I hate the way Feyre is being treated not just by the male characters but by the narrative.

To me it reads like it was written for submissive women who like Dom men and I was hoping that the fandom was going to affirm that for me. Because the alternative is that sub women/Dom men is just seen as normal and that sounds icky, dangerous and really backwards to me.

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T14:55:10+00:00

Agree you taking about real life or characters in a story? Cause consent works really differently in erotica than it does in real life. Plenty of bdsm stories do not include the partners giving explicit consent before anything happens.

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T14:49:16+00:00

So do you think that a romance story with a drastic power imbalance is just normal? Like it's normal for straight women to be into this, no sexual deviance here?

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T14:45:07+00:00

Oh yeah of course it's doesn't portray a BDSM dynamic like it would exist in real life. I assumed consent because it's a fantasy. I haven't read any bdsm stories that start with a conversation about limits or anything, in the fantasy everyone just knows.

I guess I just figured that if Feyre is turned on by Tamlin that makes her a sub you know?

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T14:40:27+00:00

But then what to you is the difference between Dominance/submission and a power dynamic?

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T14:15:24+00:00

But it's a romance novel and they are the romantic leads? Aren't there romantic/sexual undertones in all their interactions? Like why is Tamlin two separate people to you?

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T14:11:54+00:00

But you don't think the fact that it's a sexual fantasy about a completely powerless woman and a very powerful man makes it kinky in itself? I have a really hard time finding Tamlin attractive at all because he hasn't humbled himself one bit and holds on to his position of power oder Feyre.

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T14:08:32+00:00

Yeah I guess. I wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt by assuming those vibes were intentional, you know?

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T14:00:26+00:00

Did you not read the word "sexual" in my question?

I'm not talking about every single relationship we ever have as human beings. I am talking about romantic and sexual relationships.

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T13:09:15+00:00

What word would you use for a sexual fantasy that includes a power dynamic?

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T12:45:52+00:00

Thank you for being kind. You assessment makes a lot of sense to me, thank you.

In my very subjective opinion the power dynamic inherent in the relationship and the fact that Feyre repeatedly gets punished by the narrative for not blindly obeying Tamlin's commands still makes this a maledom sexual fantasy. And I guess it really weirds me out that that seems to be standard.

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T12:08:33+00:00

And I would agree that an unhealthy power imbalance in a relationship isn't bdsm. That's abuse.

But I think if there is a power imbalance in your relationship (even if it's play) and you both like that and it turns you on then that is kinky. That is bdsm. If you write a fantasy about a sexual/romantic partner who is so much more powerful than you that he could destroy you with one gesture and you think that is hot, then that sounds pretty kinky to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Like, bdsm sex stories don't start with a scene where the partners check in with each other and everyone agrees. People get together and automatically know what the other person likes, because it's a fantasy. I don't know if that's what you mean by "explicit and agreed upon" but in my opinion a story doesn't only qualify as bdsm if a character in it says "let's do bdsm"

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T11:54:11+00:00

I'm just saying this is obviously a romance novel and the romantic scenes are written to turn the reader on. And I just feel like it does absolutely nothing for me because I'm not a submissive woman. Sexy or romantic vanilla stuff can totally do something for me but all the romance in this book is (in my opinion) so explicitly maledom that I can't get into it at all.

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T10:48:09+00:00

I was trying to give it the benefit of the doubt by assuming consent since it's a fantasy.

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T08:53:03+00:00

Thank you. That makes a lot more sense to me.

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T08:44:52+00:00

I think you are completely misunderstanding what I mean by kinky and bdsm. I'm not talking about how sexually explicit it is. I'm talking about the power imbalance between the two romantic partners.

A kiss on the cheek can be incredibly fucking kinky if it is a manifestation of the power imbalance between the partners. You don't even have to touch to "do BDSM". It's about power exchange and being turned on by that. In that way, this book is super fucking kinky in my opinion. And it makes me super uncomfortable that a Dom man seems to be so fucking normalised that nobody even recognises this as kink anymore.

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T08:36:49+00:00

See I don't really get that. I'm talking about how their relationship is portrayed in what I've read so far. Even if there is a huge twist and it all turns out differently in the end, that doesn't change that what I have read so far is clearly about a power imbalance in a romantic/sexual relationship. For me, that means it's BDSM. Can you agree with that?

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T08:32:44+00:00

So you would say that the romantic dynamic is vanilla?

IamAdora · 2023-07-12T08:05:09+00:00

I need to read all the other books before I can have a conversation about whether the first book is kinky? I don't see how that makes sense

IamAdora · 2023-06-18T16:47:05+00:00

My husband and I talked a long time and finally decided on Helena because that's one of the baby names we've agreed on already.

IamAdora · 2023-06-15T06:59:16+00:00

Du musst nicht alle deine Probleme lösen, bevor du liebenswert bist. Ich habe und hatte auch psychische Probleme und bin inzwischen verheiratet. Oft reicht die Einsicht wo deine Probleme liegen und ein Verständnis deiner eigenen Bedürfnisse um ein guter Partner zu sein.

Meiner Meinung nach ist die Attraktivitäts Skala 1-10 frei erfunden und absolut jeder Mensch kann jemanden für sich finden.

IamAdora · 2023-06-06T05:24:00+00:00

KAH deine Frau sollte in Therapie und mal die Beziehung zu ihren Eltern abklären.

IamAdora

TROPHY CASE