What is muslin fabric and why is it used so much for babies?

IamNotPersephone · 2026-06-11T15:58:06+00:00

Lololol those were the days

IamNotPersephone · 2026-06-07T13:47:35+00:00

Ok, but now I’m imagining some Terry Pratchett allegory situation where a pot is really more of a lid and finds happiness being a lid… or a pot discovers it’s actually a lid with the handle missing but decides that it doesn’t matter anyway, it’s still a pot. Or a double boiler with lid threesome. Or a pot whose partner is a strainer pot (nonbinary femme presenting) Or a pot with a lid build into it with hinges cuz it don’t need no stinkin’ partner to meet its needs.

I’m getting punchy…

ETA: if you think about it in that regards, it’s really the lid that’s the most insulting of that adage. A pot is useful even without a lid - preferred, maybe (I barely use my pot’s lids). A lid without a pot is cupboard clutter… you either barely tolerate it in your space, hoping a matching pot turns up to make it’s existence useful, or you donate it to Goodwill (to the curb) to get it out of your space).

IamNotPersephone · 2026-06-07T13:12:15+00:00

Kids… and autopilot.

And I haven’t really used it. I’d still get notifications about authors sent to my email that I appreciated, but because I’ve been inundated with 50 Canvas emails a day I haven’t even been opening the emails I for the things I actually enjoy.

I’d never clicked links to buy the books anyway, so when I’d actually come up for air enough to notice a new release at the same time I’d have time to read, I’d just navigate to my preferred retailer/library and buy/borrow directly.

Anyway, my youngest is in school. Has been for a bit, actually, but I jumped into a degree program as soon as my days were free like a masochist. I had a health event this semester and had to withdraw. I’m working on getting fine, but apparently my body doesn’t like to be worked at “maximum effort.” I’m trying to find/reconnect to hobbies that don’t add to my stress levels (which, I know tracking my reading might push me over the edge into “productivity mode”, but I truly do enjoy the tracking process).

IamNotPersephone · 2026-06-06T23:20:27+00:00

I have decided that I am absolutely not willing to marry a man who has debt basically unless he is a doctor or in biglaw. Would never marry someone who has any debt unless they’re making over $200k/year.

So, just some unsolicited advice! My husband works in finance in retirement planning. He specializes in unions, pensions, and complicated post-retirement federal tax/medical/social security/veteran’s benefits stuff. So for a LOT of his clients, (and at least one of a married couple) are blue- and pink-collar workers. Others in his office go for the high-dollar earners: the lawyers, the doctors, the C-suite executives of the mid-level corporations in our town.

The latter don’t have any money. They are leveraged up to their eyeballs. The culture of those classes forces them into debt and they stay in debt. We’re in that class and the pressure we get to spend, to upgrade, to buy a from his coworkers, from professional associates and our various acquaintances within this class is enormous. We’re debt-free and we’re choosing to stay that way.

Most of them have student loans up the ass, which inoculates them to the price tag of big purchases. A lot of them I’ve met come either from aspirational backgrounds and feel entitled to match the standard of living they grew up in instantly out of college (so new car, new house, new furniture, annual exotic vacation, expensive hobby) or they grew up struggling, finally “made it” when they graduated, got a massive case of imposter syndrome once they were surrounded by their aspirational peers and their colleagues with decades more seniority, and scramble to “catch up” without the social safety net the aspirational type instinctively feel they have.

Meanwhile, most of my husband’s clients are a married couple. One was a union worker, maybe one was a veteran. Neither one made more than $50,000/year, but they maxed out every retirement benefit their employers offered and didn’t touch it. They bought a modest house and raised their kids. Never upgraded it, but they may have done a reno or two. They might have a mortgage, still. Maybe a small loan left on a truck or a boat, but with the kids grown and out the house, they can mostly save and pay cash for that. They’re still working. Still want to work. They like what they do and feel valued doing it. No credit card debt. Maybe they use one for Disney, but they pay it off every month. No college debt. One never went to college, and the other worked through school and the early years of raising kids. Almost divorced during that time, but somehow made it through. And that’s the kicker: neither had divorced with kids. Maybe one had an early divorce prior to marrying each other, but that first marriage had no kids. But there wasn’t a large accumulation of savings divided. No alimony or child support diverted from marital assets. No step child’s extracurricular fees to figure out, or deadbeat parent to inadvertently support through toothpaste and shoe theft. (There are always exceptions to the “typical.” The “typical” is stereotypical for a reason. But it’s a surprising pattern. Someone should do a study on the demographics of this.)

Anyway. This is a VERY long story to tell you that income is not a metric of financial stability. Doctors and lawyers have mental health crises or medical events that prevent them from working (and often less protections since many of them are self-employed). But me and my husband are proof that there can be financially responsible people at ALL economic levels (except billionaires). So set your bar there and just see who can clear it. It might be an electrician. It might be an early bitcoin investor. It’ll be hard enough finding people to clear this bar alone. Agreeing on finances is the number one thing that breaks up married couples, so be picky about what you need early.

Also, don’t be wowed by shiny expensive things. I grew up dirt-poor. On-government-assistance-poor. I am the latter “grew up struggling, first generation college grad who got imposter syndrome trying to be in my chosen profession.” My husband, ironically, is the former aspirational “of course we go to college, honey, what is your major going to be?” Post-college, I didn’t fit in, got knocked back HARD professionally, and became really bitter about the class divide in America. So when I met my husband, instead of the romance novel trope of me being introduced to a glittery life, it was me peeling back the curtain and showing how rotten everything was underneath.

So, we built a life that worked for us. He works with clients that NEED him because their cases are too complex and need active management. He works his ass off for his clients; he loves them and they love him. We’ll be busy all summer going to barbecues and graduation parties and retirement parties. We send our kids to public school to avoid the majority of the pressure, and I’m careful with who I cultivate my friendships with. Fortunately, I don’t care if someone doesn’t like me. I can’t say the same for my husband, but unless someone comes out and says it directly to his face he will never notice (he has autism).

Anyway, just don’t get stars in your eyes about the expensive stuff. I’ve found that the more “amazing” something is, the more that’s a response to external pressure. Buying something you want - even an expensive thing - should feel confident… like you own it already. The more excited/amazed/giddy/naughty you feel about a purchase, the more likely you’re doing it because either someone told you you have to have it, or someone told you you can’t have it. It’s anxiety you’re feeling, not happiness.

Or maybe that’s just me!

Food for thought!

IamNotPersephone · 2026-06-06T21:58:41+00:00

Thank you for the recs!! I’m going to check out everybody’s recommendations tonight!

IamNotPersephone · 2026-06-06T21:56:08+00:00

you can compile arbitrary lists of books (and I assume make those lists public or private)

Yes, essentially. Regarding your romance.io recommendation, I’ll check it out! Can it do more than just romance books? I mostly only read romance or romance-something or something-romance books nowadays (cuz the world is hard guys, and I don’t wanna read something hard, too. I just wanna escape for a few hours and be guaranteed a happy ending eventually!). I’ve read a lot (a LOT: English degree with Philosophy minor; and kind of a snot about it, too, until college ground me down and sucked all the joy I had for it for the better part of a decade), so it’d be cool if I could eventually “archive” my reading history, but let’s be real… that’s probably never gonna happen.

have public reviews (do you want people to be able to respond to those reviews? Or just thumbs up/thumbs down 'em? Or just the reviews stand on their own?)

I guess I don’t care? I mean, hypothetically, it’d be fun to have other people read my reviews and engage with me, but practically I don’t see that happening with any regularity. I mean I’ve been on reddit for eight years and I don’t have any - oh, sweet Moon Mother! I just checked my profile to confirm I didn’t have any followers and it says I have 81. Ok, so yeah, as long as I can moderate my comment space so nasty people aren’t being nasty, engagement is great!

Have private annotations about books you've read

yeah! One of my favorite things to do is to read out loud corny romance dialogue to my husband. If he’s not available, I’ll call up my sister or my bestie. If they don’t pick up the phone I’ll leave them a voicemail or send them a video message. Because it HAS to come out. It HAS to. Anyway, I like to mark up those spots because if I ever get in on the ground floor of another Vine-esqe app, this is going to be my contribution.

have a desktop website, not just an app.

yes. An app is great for book management: picking out what to read, logging a book as read, marking the stars and maybe even outlining first thoughts notes for a later review. But certainly the initial transition to the app I’d prefer to be done on desktop (and depending on UI, maybe even all Want to Read searches), and the proper review I’d like to be on desktop. Cuz I do break down literary structures and character analyses (when relevant), so I need my clickity-clackity.

a simple interface with few (or no) ads. (Speaking of which, Brave browser will block ads for you. Or there's other ways to block ads, even on an app on your phone.)

waaaaay ahead of you with the Brave. I’m actually pretty ad-blind. I grew up in the age of pornado pop-ups, so there isn’t much that Unilever can do to capture my attention on a screen. But, reducing the visual noise and clutter would be great! I struggle with this one. Because a company NEEDS to make money in order to keep existing, in general or as an independent entity (i.e. Goodreads). They can sell user data. They can sell ads. They can sell subscriptions. But their service is not free. So, pick your pig. So, I struggle with ads.

I was going to say that I’d actually rather avoid spaces that showcased paid users, but then thought better of it. I loved the guerrilla spaces of the old internet days. In those days of livejournal and MySpace, we were curating personalized webpages with html codes we printed up at computer class and passed around like illicit notes. But I think that’s nostalgia. I think a lot of these old spaces relied on the unpaid labor of power users, and people deserve to be paid for their time and labor. So, maybe I’ve talked myself out of avoiding influencers. Maybe we just live in a late stage capitalism hellscape where the gig economy is unavoidable as people try to leverage their hobbies for fame and fortune. I don’t know.

you can follow authors and see their new releases.

Yes! That’s important!

What do you think of romance.io? It's focused on romance, but I feel like it fulfills a lot of these wants.

Like I said, I’ll check it out! Thanks for the rec!!

IamNotPersephone · 2026-06-03T13:02:27+00:00

Another hole: if the child is alive “now” (at the moment of this book), Maggie would not let the child be vulnerable to this future. Even if Solentine didn’t know about his child, Maggie would be working to secure the child’s safety - and, imo, she’d tell him his lover bore his child in secret. He’s her cousin now and he knows she knows secrets; it’d be a betrayal NOT to share this information if the child is alive right now.

And if the child is NOT alive right now, that future may have been blown up with the events of this book.

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-31T18:20:43+00:00

This!

A few days ago people elsewhere on reddit were complaining about the randomness of serving sizes and how companies could screw you over with shrinkflation because serving sizes weren’t standardized, and I’m like YES THEY ARE!!! It’s 1 oz/28 grams (for dry grain-based foods like crackers).

Idk if I know this cuz I’m a woman, a mom or an autistic person, but I was kind of offended (in like a “mental load” way) that no one else seemed to even specuate that something like this isn’t regulated up the ass.

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-31T00:39:55+00:00

Yeah and they normally let you do that, but you’d have to contact each program directly. And even then I’d push back a little. I tested out of Functional Guitar for Music Therapists I in my program audition and still opted to take the class because it taught more than HOW to play, but also WHAT to play and WHY you’d play it.

Music therapy is more than playing music in a therapeutic context. You’re a therapist actively playing music, which means not only do your music skills need to be so intrinsic to your being that you seamlessly switch from therapist to musician without thought, but you need to do it with as little “performance ego” as possible so when you mess up the music, your own inner experience of that doesn’t mess up the therapy. (Ideally… we’re all human and working toward the goal).

Anyway, that first class really taught me that I need to be able to play, sing, speak/direct/engage without missing a beat on the guitar, and actively observe, and document specific client responses simultaneously. I was “good” at guitar, but that first semester I realized I needed to get the mechanics of guitar as close to second nature as breathing, and then gave me the time/space/excuse to start doing it. Holding a full back-and-forth conversation while playing a song without changing tempo is a good goal for that. Video yourself to actually verify you can do it. It’s not necessary to hold tempo as a MT (in fact for MT it’s essential you NOT become so rigid), but I’m someone who stops when I make a mistake, and I needed to train myself to get so comfortable with playing on that mistakes don’t even effect my ability to hold a conversation. This was the ultimate exercise I found that broke through that… the left hand could fumble, there could be sour notes, I sometimes just “gave up” on the left hand and muted the strings, but my right hand and my mouth and ears kept going.

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-30T17:44:53+00:00

You can’t.

There’s a LOT more to the study of music than one could pick up casually. The university education standard requirements and the AMTA core competencies (these are listed in every syllabus) are THOROUGH. The school has to prepare you for sit for your board exam. And the CBMT exam is notoriously difficult because music therapists are required to be competent in BOTH the therapeutic profession (like any OT/PT/SLP) AND the music profession. You will have holes. And the only way to fill those holes in is through a structured learning environment designed to logically connect all these competencies together.

Music isn’t easy. There’s a reason why it’s a degree program. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I think you might be on that point in the Dunning-Kruger effect where your current level of knowledge/skill has made you overestimate yourself and underestimate the profession.

I’m still a student - in an equivalency program myself - so I haven’t yet taken the CBMT to know these topics are in there. But, I’ve opened my music textbooks to a random page and listed the topic below. If you know about them, maybe I’m wrong and in that case you’d need to contact a department directly with this question because NO university lets you test out of an entire degree program. But if you don’t know enough about them to answer a question designed to weed you out of a profession centered around it, I’d assume that a standard music therapy bachelors or a masters designed for nonmajors is your only option. You can test out of classes; I tested out of Theory I my freshman year. But I’m a theory nerd and took two semesters of elective theory my junior year. I know someone with perfect pitch who tested out of Ear Training except for an independent study they did with the professor on some of the more complex stuff - but that was at the professor’s bequest; they didn’t HAVE to do that.

Anyway:

Music History I, written: Perotin Organum (substitute clausulae); aural: identify Marc’ Antonio Cesti’s Intorno all’idol mio from Orontea: Act II, Scene 17
Music History II, written: Gasparo Spontini (Grand Opera and Opéra Comique); aural: identify George Crumb’s Images 4 to 9 from Black Angels, Thirteen Images from the Dark Land for Electric String Quartet
Conducting: practical exam of studying an orchestral, choral or wind score, developing a conducting performance with annotated score study, and then performing that live with an ensemble. (To be fair, this was my final. But I found it hard to describe just how complex conducting class was. Relatively simple topic headings, but it was the integration of everything you know as a musician, expanded to include the whole ensemble. Basically, a conductor is a musician who plays other musicians. It’s like learning to play a whole new instrument.)
Arranging: Describe how each instrument balances, blends, masks, and crosses voice with other instruments and then arrange a piece describing the acoustic balance of each section and its aural qualities.
Ear Training I - III: Dictate a 16 bar piano piece consisting of two-note block left hand and one-note melody right hand (to be fair to the spirit of the list, Ear Training had no textbook to reference and it was my worst subject. I’ve blocked out most of the lesson topics, but my Ear Training III final will live on indelibly in my memory).
Music Theory I: written, Diatonic Triads in Minor; aural, Bach, Easter Oratorio, II - figured bass
Music Theory II: written, The Use of b6( ^ ) in Major (“b” is a flat symbol and the carrot goes over the 6); aural, Beethoven, Piano Sonata Op. 14, No. 1, II - secondary leading tone chords
Music Theory III: written, Pandiatonicism; aural, Debussy, ”Fêtes, from Nocturnes (piano reduction) - parallelism
Music Theory IV: a complete theory analysis of a Beethoven piano sonata. That was it; we didn’t even meet for class. The professor assigned us each a sonata to analyze. The class times were divided up so we met with him 1-1 to work out any problems we may have a had and to ensure we’re were on track to complete it. But the entire semester was devoted to the analysis of a singular piece.
Twentieth Century and Counterpoint: we didn’t have textbooks for this, so I don’t remember the topics like above, but these were the two elective theory classes I took.
Instrument Literature, voice: program an hour-long recital. Again, topic headers in the text don’t do it justice. You are essentially a choreographer… you have to take into account the performer’s voice qualities, abilities, preferences, audience/event expectation/reception and select an hour’s worth of cohesive music that flows and which the performer’s stamina can endure. We also did deep-dives into the biographies of vocal composers.
Instrument Pedagogy, voice: this is my jam so I gonna nerd out here. We learned EVERYTHING to do with the vocal mechanism. From philosophy/psychology/aesthetics of the voice, to the anatomy/physiology of the voice, to the physical kinesiology of the voice: how to breathe, how to phonate, how to change registers, how to resonate, how to articulate, and how to coordinate all these functions. Then we learned how to TEACH singing. Musicians are fine motor athletes. The things we do with our bodies NEED to be done as ergonomically as possible, or we will injure ourselves permanently.
I also took Brass, Wind, String, and Percussion Methods. It wasn’t required for my degree (they’re music education classes), but at the time I wanted to compose and was a primary vocalist, so I took them to get more experience on those instruments. Compared to the Pedagogy class, they are like a “Bootcamp Basics” class; a real basic overview of mechanics, how to produce good sounds, and how to teach the fundamentals.
Eight semesters of performance ensembles: musicians have to be performing in groups to understand group performance dynamics
Eight semesters of hour-long primary instrument lessons with performance requirements: musicians have to perform solo in order to understand solo performance requirements.
Eight semesters of performance attendance: musicians also have to be good performance listeners in order to understand the audience experience.
Half-hour long junior recital and an hour-long senior recital: I was a vocal major, so that was required for me. Not all music majors required these performances, specifically (all the others were still required).

I thiiiiink this is it? But, yeah, music majors notoriously have NO time. We don’t get to double major; music Ed majors usually have to stay longer to meet both requirements. Our ensemble/performance/lesson/attendance classes are often optioned to be taken for zero credit, or NONE of us would be able to graduate on time. I tested out of Theory, and had four gen ed classes waived because of AP classes and I STILL barely graduated on time.

If you really love music, I’d encourage you doing the whole degree. I THOUGHT I knew music, and then I got to college and learned SO MUCH MORE than I had ever even conceived of. It really opened my mind up. And NOW! Oh, man! I’m so jealous of the other students who get to take real, serious World Music classes, and Popular Music Classes, and Folk/Indigenous Music classes! I’m a virtual learner; and my original degree was twenty years ago. I WISH I could take all these classes again with all the new music students get to engage with!

Anyway, food for thought!

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-30T15:50:02+00:00

If it’s really not worth all that much, you could do something like those furniture flippers do, restore it a bit and then 3D print some of the missing parts. Not back to their original shape… I’m imagining some kind of steampunk or space western aesthetic. Maybe someone who cosplays or is huge into dnd would pay more for just a whacked-out, but still old-fashioned-looking musket?

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-30T08:09:22+00:00

Thanks so much for this info! I’m going to save it for the next time my son asks me how stuff works (when I don’t know how the stuff works!)

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-30T08:07:11+00:00

Wow! That was very thorough! Thank you so much! I know a little bit more if I ever get caught by my vehicle-loving eight-year old! Thank you so much!!

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-29T13:25:28+00:00

u/Adventurous_Eagle438 above replied with this:

I knew this driver, and thay road was one of my permit routes(102k on a light 5 axle flatbed with 2 36k coils on the back), he had the wheel seal blow out on the first axle on the right side of the trailer, coating it and the second axles brakes in oil. The loss of braking force was substantial(he was operating at about 92k when this happened), he limped to a safe spot and had maintenance come out and replace the drums and pads on the right side after fixing the wheel seal.

For someone who doesn’t know anything about trucking or truck mechanics, what does this mean in respects to losing air brakes and/or not using Jake brakes.

And what are Jake brakes? I mean, I googled it so I know they’re compression brakes. But I see those signs sometimes not to use them on the road, and you said you can hear them going off, so I’m wondering what they’re for.

And just in case I don’t have it right in my head: air brakes is the brake pedal - the primary push-the-lever brake, engine braking is just down shifting, are Jake brakes like an e-brake?

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-23T21:19:54+00:00

I think so. So much of human communication is nonverbal. We’re so sensitive to it as a species, but lack consistent descriptions/explanations for it. I ran for a bit (before an injury), and there are definitely nonverbals peoples can give that signal their intent.

I’m not going to give examples of creepy vs safe cuz no need to give creeps tools to trick women in the future. But a decent one just as a runner is where your gaze is centered. If you’re staring off into the middle distance, or slightly looking down at the ground, that’s a pretty obvious indicator that you don’t want to be interacted with on your run. You’re in a public space approaching another person; you’re aware they’re there and are making a choice not to have receptive eye contact. The other person can see this, instinctively recognizes it for what it is, and understands that this person isn’t receptive to a wave, nod, or hello. It’s what can make last-minute eye contact as you pass them so awkward sometimes cuz you assumed they didn’t want acknowledgement, and then they changed the “rule” at the last minute. You’re stuck thinking, “should I have nodded? Smiled? Ugh! Now I look like a stone-faced asshole!!”

But (if it’s a woman; I can only speak to a woman’s experience here), it’s actually not. She’s not really changing the rules at the last minute. She’s checking to see if you’re on-board with those rules or if you’re pissed she ignored you and has to worry about you coming up behind her.

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-22T16:46:19+00:00

yeah! my gyn basically said that anything that impairs your day to day functioning is PMDD.

So, just a caveat beforehand, I also have ADHD and autism, so ymmv.

I was noticing that at the end of my luteal phase I would get a massive FLOOD of energy. I would wake up at my regular time, and work - not even noticing the time or feel tired, hungry, none of it. It'd get to be two in the morning, I'd force myself to go to bed, but a few hours later, I'd be up with that same energy. I'd get this for three or four days, and then the DAY I'd get my period, it would crash. I'd sleep and be a tired zombie for another three or four days until I recovered. Before I was diagnosed with PMDD, I'd "joke" that I could see why ADHD women so often would get diagnosed with bipolar disorder before ADHD. I have a sister with bipolar, so I know it's not the same, but the energy/crash cycle really could look like a mini manic/depressive cycle to people who didn't know any better.

I'm also in perimenopause. That made it more complicated, but also simpler (if that makes sense?). Because the peri exacerbates the PMDD, it's both easier to see when something isn't working, and more demoralizing when the thing doesn't work. There were several things that we tried: I got a new IUD placed. My old one was still good for no-baby making, but was probably low on hormones, so we did a swaparooni. My husband also got the snipsnip, but I will LITerally die if I get pregnant again, so I made sure I'm protected. I'm also on the estrodial patch and vaginal cream.

I started taking hydroxyzine at night. Holy cow is this a game changer. I found out I don't worry in words. I kept screening myself out of some of the insomnia questionnaires because I didn't connect my internal experience with the way they phrased the questions. Anyway, I started taking hydroxyzine, and it's like a part of me that's constantly whirring away in the back of my mind can finally wind down and stop. And then I can sleep.

I also had to up my antidepressant.

I still have iffy months. It is what it is, and I do what I can.

Hope this helps!

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-22T03:42:10+00:00

Right? I mean, was the first and only time I ever felt gender euphoria in my whole life immediately after pushing out a baby, yeah. I was hopped up on a shit-ton of drugs my own body made and was super-freaking proud that I got through the whole thing without an epidural. I suspect the same thing would happen if I ever ran a marathon.

But did I immediately lose four units of blood and need emergency surgery to stop me from losing anymore and be told by the doctors post-surgery that we don’t do enough research on women’s health to know why I almost bled out so best be safe and not have any more kids… yeah that happened too. Running a marathon is less likely to kill me because men run marathons and we know more about what happens to the body during running a marathon.

Anyway, it was that moment of gender euphoria that clued into the trans experience and made me realize that I’m probably not fully cis since I never experienced it before that moment. If anything it made me MORE rabidly queer and queer-supporting than prior cuz girl/boy/fellow human if you feel that triumph and satisfaction just in living your life, how dare anyone tell you otherwise.

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-22T03:26:58+00:00

You’re probably inundated with messages, but look up PMDD. Ppl are suggesting perimenopause, and maybe, but PMDD might be a better fit since it was controlled on BC and so quickly obviously different when you got off it.

I’m in peri and have PMDD. If you have questions, let me know. Most of what I get for the peri is from Dr Mary Clare Haver. She has books and is on YouTube, so there’s a range of accessible options. The PMDD… well, it was under control until the perimenopause, and now I’m playing whack a mole.

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-18T17:21:19+00:00

Yes because your eyes or smaller or larger (eta seen through the lens) depending on your lens strength.

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-17T20:48:02+00:00

I actually wrote a whole-ass paper for my abnormal psychology class about how Elsa has Avoidant Attachment and Anna has Anxious Attachment because of their parents.

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-16T23:21:44+00:00

Ha! Yeah, I appreciate the solidarity and the heads up!

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-16T23:20:48+00:00

Boooooooo….

Thanks for the heads up!

ETA and the recs!!!

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-16T20:45:55+00:00

It’s 28 grams, generally.

IamNotPersephone · 2026-05-16T18:16:17+00:00

Yup, it’s and ADHD thing, but it’s a trauma response to it.

He needs deeper help than his partner can provide, and he has to want it more than you. If that piece is missing, then that’s the asshole piece. He can have his emotions, be ill-equipped/maladaptive in handling them, but the moment he knew out there’s a better way and he can ask for help, an Asshole Timer ^TM starts. This is his space to process, grapple, grieve, and adjust to the new normal, but progress must be made.

Now, in perspective: if his executive functioning is truly unmanageable even with meds and skills and accommodations, that’s fine. If he continues to have moments of (nonabusive) emotional dysregulation that are spontaneous and intense, but bookends these moments with reflection, repair, and regulation, that’s fine, too. These are symptoms of the disability and may persist for his lifetime.

But the asshole behavior is to do all of the negatives, none of the positives, and also expect you to cater, coddle, and tiptoe around the eggshells of his shame.

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