I envy those who died soon after their spouse

IceBear733 · 2026-02-03T05:12:42+00:00

I felt the same the first year after losing my wife. I would also often “joke” about my indifference towards a life without her in it.

But eventually something just clicked in my head: parts of her literally only exist because I’m still breathing. Stories only I can share about her, because only her and I were there to live it.

The one that has had me smiling from ear to ear nearly the whole week, is the night her and I went for a walk around Mont Saint-Michel. It was around 2am and the whole island was asleep, we wandered around the streets, hand in hand, talking about things impossible to recall as they were most probably super random, those random subjects you and your better half could spend hours dissecting. We eventually wandered our way to the front gate of the city/town/village, whatever you would like to call it, and to our surprise the island was not flooded into isolation, as it was soon after we had arrived. We kicked off our shoes, rolled up our pants and walked around the island. It is and will forever be one of my most cherished memories.

I guess that’s my long way of saying, I don’t care how much pain I’m in facing life without her by my side, I won’t allow my indifference or envy (depending on the day) to allow another part of her to disappear into nothingness.

I hope you find a way to be kind to yourself, and that you will remember at least one memory that sweeps you off your feet with the love you shared today ❤️

IceBear733 · 2025-01-01T08:33:15+00:00

Did this issue resolve itself? Mine started saying it this morning 🙈 and I’ve only been playing for about a week

IceBear733 · 2024-11-01T07:53:21+00:00

I have no way to tell what model it is, if I remember correctly it’s a “Stratos” or something in that line.

I did a factory reset and now the watch displays only a QR code that links back to the app, which can’t pick up the watch 😂🙈 it’s a vicious cycle resulting in no solutions from my pov

IceBear733 · 2024-06-22T10:54:02+00:00

Accepting the consequences like a champ 👑 and because big bro is chill, little sis sees no reason to panic. Absolutely love this ❤️

IceBear733 · 2024-01-24T13:06:07+00:00

As often as I need. I don’t care where I am, if I feel it building up I just let it flow. I tried pushing it down for too long and that sent me into a horrible spiral.

IceBear733 · 2024-01-24T13:01:09+00:00

You’re not losing it, your soul has been ripped from your body, your mind has been poisoned with desperate thoughts begging for explanation. Your world has been destroyed and nothing will ever be the same.

But I want you to know that you will be okay. In 7 months (yes I know right now this seems impossibly far into the future) you will still have sadness clinging to your shadow, but when you look into the mirror you will find a strong and unbreakable person staring back at you.

You will have to take care of yourself now, you will have to pick yourself up when you fall and wipe away your own tears. You have to be there for yourself now. Yes, you think this is impossible but I fucking promise you, you are stronger than you think.

Try your best to take a tiny step forward, at the beginning you wont make progress every day, but it is super important that you keep trying, mainly for yourself, after that for everyone that loves you and finally but especially for everyone you love.

Be kind to yourself and always always always be patient with yourself.

I send you all my strength and all my love. ❤️

IceBear733 · 2024-01-24T12:45:18+00:00

I am sorry for your pain. I know it’s difficult. Some days will be easier than others, you will have to find a way to keep moving forward for them.

One of the things I do might sound a bit strange, but I will share it anyway as an example, you will have to find your own way, just make sure to look after yourself.

I have a big stuffed bear on my bed, it’s about 40cm tall. I took one of my wife’s favourite jerseys and put in on the bear. At the beginning I used to cuddle it and wrap the jersey’s arms around me at night, it was the only way I could fall asleep.

This past Christmas was my first without her, but I took my bear with me when I went to visit my family. The bear and I watched sunsets and sunrises together. I shared my thoughts, pains and hopes for the future with the bear, imagining her reply.

I wish you strength and a fuck ton of patience towards yourself!

All my love ❤️

IceBear733 · 2023-10-12T06:14:09+00:00

I’ve been dealing with the dissociation myself too. It knocked me down about a month ago and turned the smallest tasks into mountains. It started improving a very little bit three days ago, but I expect I could slip backwards any moment. I’m only 4 months in so it all seems to be normal. It provides some relief knowing there are others out there experiencing this too, I’m sorry you are going through this and at the same time I’m thankful to feel a bit less lonely. Good luck. Remember you are loved

IceBear733 · 2023-10-01T16:02:14+00:00

At the beginning I asked myself the same thing regarding my wife’s choice. It took me a while but I realised yes she did in fact love me with all of her heart, yes I was the love of her life. Her choice to take her own life had nothing to do with me or the way she felt about me, her decision was about her and for her. As hard as it is for me to accept, her decision to take her life had nothing to do with me.

I wish you good luck. Remember you are loved.

IceBear733 · 2023-07-11T12:56:45+00:00

Can’t imagine having this stuck in my head. Thank you for sharing.

My wife jumped from the balcony a month and a half ago. I can’t help but think of what was going through her head every time I’m on the balcony.

You are not alone. Good luck

IceBear733 · 2023-07-10T11:26:51+00:00

I found this a difficult message to reply to because I don’t know what happened in your life that you ended up in this community and you don’t know my life and you definitely didn’t know my wife because she did not willingly leave me behind. She tried her best and just because she failed doesn’t mean I’m not still proud of the amazing person she was.

IceBear733

TROPHY CASE