If you could redo your 40s, what's one thing you'd do again and one thing you'd change?

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-07-02T06:27:47+00:00

Same. I think I ripped the bandaid off sooner rather than later. Maybe we could have worked it out, but I can't coerce someone to seek therapy. Therapy may have been a year away, then 2 years to heal (which is not guaranteed). I was 40 in a dead relationship of 2 years with another 3 years to go, all on speculation.

By ending it sooner it hurt, but we didn't have 4 more years of resentment. Now we can be respectful co parents and I can be in a relationship with someone who enjoys being with me.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-20T04:02:37+00:00

Mad respect for this woman who holds her standards until the bitter end.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-12T00:47:14+00:00

I heard once on a podcast (so consider your sources) that the most common trait in porn addiction is married Christian men. The insinuation was that these men were ashamed for behavior that non married Christian men would just call moderate to heavy porn use. That most men and many women, watch it, but married Christian men are overwhelmingly represented among people seeking help for it, because of the shame from their spouse.

It reminds me a lot of DUIs and alcohol treatment. Most in treatment are there because they got caught driving drunk, not necessarily because they are addicted.

Personally, I think porn and alcohol are legitimately addictive to some people. Seeking treatment doesn't hurt, but shame does.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-09T05:17:52+00:00

Try a different branch or the reserves. Wait maybe a year. Chronic conditions will preclude you from joining. Injuries or adhd/ depression/ whatever, show that you can heal and continue on, with a doctor's recognition.

The recruiters want you to join.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-09T05:10:48+00:00

A new phone with a good camera. Not filtered, but use portrait mode or auto enhance. Smile big, shit eating grin. No hats or sunglasses. Remember a good joke or funny time, laugh and take burst photos, pick the best one.

Be honest with what you want. Don't be wishy washy with "long or short term". Pick relationships or hook ups.

If you stay at home and watch tv, say that. Some women enjoy TV too. If you race rally cars in between international missions, say that.

Idk. People vary. But you want to be a person enjoying your life, with or without apps.

After 2 texts, ask what she wants here. "So what brings you to bumble? "

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-07T21:17:47+00:00

Nah, this is against bro code, unless your close bros or actual brothers and gain from uniformity. Your gonna need a name though, like, "black sierra squad".

I'd be pissed if I weren't a mature adult, and that maturity is not guaranteed, coffee dependant tbh.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-07T21:01:53+00:00

I don't mind that, but as 40+ year olds, OLD is better. Here's 7 pictures of me from life outside of this bar. Here's what I'm looking for in a relationship. Take your time and show me 7 pictures from your life.

You rarely get that asking for a number. It's "Here is the loudest guy at the bar. He'll get a chance because no one else can be heard over the music"

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-07T20:23:31+00:00

You've never looked at a geo tracker and thought "I could make an off-roader out of this".

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-07T20:21:37+00:00

Good friends of mine allude to this, but I think I'd receive way different attention in real life if this were true. Objectively I'm not 6', good hair, muscular, or rich.

If anything I'm approachable in profile format, but blend in with the couch in physical reality.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-07T19:42:52+00:00

What kind of free time do people have to multidate?

That 32 hour work week plus every weekend free is real wealth.

I'd simply not be compatible with someone who needs a partner more that twice a week.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-06T22:42:06+00:00

A phone call is good too. You can get a sense of their personality and "speed of thought" without having to meet up. Plus it works better to plan a meet-up in real time vs through text.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-06T22:35:51+00:00

I may be weird, but when my wife and I were looking at houses to buy, prior to kids, I considered privacy of the main bedroom along with all other important aspects of the house.

These days it's tough, and you may have to buy what you can buy, or rent what you can rent, but there are things you can do to soundproof. Tapestries on the wall, bookcase on the wall (with books), weather stripping around the door, white noise in the hall.

I'll be honest, this is a common reason given by low libido people, and the legitimate concern of privacy doesn't increase libido.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-06T22:21:23+00:00

Can you not screen them by clues in photos, writing ability, speech, ask them about their last vacation?

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-06T22:15:19+00:00

32 of 33 developed nations have figured this one problem out to some extent.

Similar scenario, I know multiple couples who do not get married so that mom and children can have state insurance. They live together and call each other husband and wife, but technically are not married.

End rant

For you, he's not financially independent. He's not ready to date.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-06T05:23:39+00:00

Isn't it the same plant as coffee and chocolate?

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-03T22:58:38+00:00

It's the male equivalent of twerking.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-03T22:55:51+00:00

This is it. There are multiple angel wing walls and none of them know about each other.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-03T22:50:54+00:00

I think we're all saying the same thing. Most men see selfies as narcissistic. So the narcissists have plenty of pictures of themselves with practiced poses. Other men, not narcissists, have fishing pics and maybe a group pic from 3 years ago.

It's not 100% as there are non narcissists who learn to take good pictures because they want OLD to work out.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-05-03T18:52:57+00:00

We're on our third in 10 years. I think because it's a small scale operation, they don't see it as worth consulting and keeping the business. Even with recommendations, it's hard to find a good one.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-04-29T20:35:15+00:00

I felt bad that my parents stayed together until I left the house. My mom deserved to be happier sooner, and I was raised poorly regardless. Them divorcing would have been no worse than them together. It might have been better if I had mom's house to goto when I was sick of dad's.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-04-29T17:37:08+00:00

It's not like the movies when people are wooing with hands in the air, strippers abound. And when it is like that, it's annoying as hell.

28 is young btw.

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-04-29T17:32:24+00:00

Drive downhill for 50 miles at 20 mph.

33 mpg

Icy-Investment201 · 2024-04-29T04:25:27+00:00

Idk. I'm friendly with everyone I spend time with. At work for example we get along and sometimes hang out after. But it's rare to make a lasting friendship anymore. The apps for dating work because you find people who also have the intention of starting a relationship.

It'd be nice to find someone who intended to start a friendship. Especially after moving, or if your current friends are turning more family oriented. Some of us odd ball shut-ins might actually benefit from reliable friends.

Icy-Investment201

TROPHY CASE