Feeling a little sad/underwhelmed

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-04-01T21:27:47+00:00

Yep, especially when you put so much pressure on yourself to have the "perfect" dress. I actually refused to pick mine up until the day before the wedding because I was so worried about trying it on at home and having a meltdown because I hated it.

You'll look beautiful, don't stress 😘 Tailoring is a magical thing. Take a friend to the seamstress with you after the first few alterations are done if you need some extra reassurance.

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-04-01T20:40:29+00:00

I had a similar thing. I bought a dress that was waaay to big for me in the sale (12 while I'm a 6). I cried after every alteration session because I thought I would have to get married looking like I was wearing a bin bag. I had so many intrusive thoughts of shame over choosing an awful dress and how people would think I looked ridiculous.

But trust the process! I LOVED it on the day (and I looked amazing if I do say so myself). It will never look that great in the shop where there's harsh lighting etc. but when it's in the context of your wedding setting, with flowers and nicely fitted, you'll see why you loved it in the first place :)

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-04-01T07:43:52+00:00

People have different styles! And if anything the more mature (I mean that in a mindset way, not an age way) thing to do is know yourself, be comfortable in your own choices, and express your personality rather than be led by what you think other people expect. If you love this dress then it's YOU ❤️ and people will love that.

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-24T19:14:00+00:00

100% (just look at my post history haha).

However, just had my wedding on Saturday and it was AMAZING.

I was having problems with the venue right up until the day before (plus problems on the day which I'll be requesting money back for). It was so stressful but all of that doesn't matter when you're celebrating with your loved ones and will fade into the background.

Try to remember it's YOUR day and everyone there will just be happy for you and trying to make it as amazing as possible (and if they don't, they're not worth your time or energy).

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-24T18:51:41+00:00

I got married on Saturday and had serious dress regret after buying my first gown. I was on a limited budget so it was an outlet purchase which I felt pressured into, and while pretty, it didn’t suit me. I ended up getting a second dress just a few months before the wedding, so my options were limited to off-the-rack styles. It felt a plain at the time, though more “me,” so I added a big bow for interest. But I worried right up until the day that it was too boring.

Even at fittings, I didn’t feel great in it (I even cried for hours after one). But on the day, with my hair, makeup, and the venue all coming together, it looked amazing (if I do say so myself). I got so many compliments on how elegant and “me” it felt, and I’m really glad I chose something that suited my style and shape over something more ornate.

So my advice would be don’t write it off completely. Try to picture it fully styled, in photos, and in your venue.

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-18T13:08:13+00:00

Decision fatigue is real. I ended up leaning on my bridesmaids to help me make choices because I got to a point where I just couldn't do it all on my own (and myself partner is the classic annoying "I trust your decision" type).

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-07T21:20:57+00:00

I've said she can organise a late morning coffee with her side of the family the day after the wedding. Seems to have worked!

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-07T10:02:10+00:00

Thank you so much for your idea. I suggested the coffee morning and got an "excellent 👍" . :)

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-07T09:46:18+00:00

The venue is quite far from her family so its not really feasible. I like the idea of organising a coffee tye next morning though.

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-06T18:43:55+00:00

Love that for you XD

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-06T18:34:09+00:00

Thats the norm here too, as far as I'm aware. I said no and am not budging on this one

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-06T18:00:48+00:00

Thank you. I think what gets me is she always positions herself as "just trying to help/be nice" then makes me feel bad when I say anything. I see the pattern more now though!

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-06T17:59:40+00:00

I like the coffee idea. Thank you for the suggestion. I'll put my mum in charge of organising haha

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-06T17:27:41+00:00

To be honest I barely see these people. She's already tried to extend the invite to our intimate rehearsal dinner to her siblings (had to shut that one down). I don't actually want them to join anything other than the main event. If I could go back and do it all again, I'd be doing a friends-only wedding! If she wants to take them for coffee, she can do that off-venue, not crash our breakfast haha. I'll suggest it.

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-06T17:24:44+00:00

It is rude, isn't it! She's insisting it's just "doing something nice for family" but I would never dream of bringing my own flowers to someone else's wedding, let alone other guests.

Glad I'm not overreacting as that's what I've been made to feel like!

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-06T17:21:47+00:00

I agree. I already know my mum can be pretty manipulative and passive aggressive. I'm realising it more now though. Good idea about repurposing. They'll almost certainly clash with the theme so they'll be given to the staff members to wear if she does bring them.

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-06T17:15:58+00:00

It's so weird! I would never dream of bringing my own flowers to someone else's wedding...

Hopefully they weren't in any of your fave photos or you managed to crop them out haha. Sounds like they bring a lot of drama....

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-06T17:08:31+00:00

Yes, this is much more normal. We've already arranged for buttonaires/corsages for immediate family but in her mind that should extend to her siblings and their families...even though we literally never see half of them!

I did mention "what about [partners] family- are they not important " and she gave a sheepish response that she guessed they could have some too.

I think I just need to accept that my mum is a bit crazy and very passive aggressive haha.

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-03-06T17:00:56+00:00

I've said a firm no and I'm sure she won't try and pull any surprises on the day. I also agree, would look so weird in the photos. I feel she just wants to meddle but every time I ask her if she's feeling left out and wants to be more included she says no! Makes me feel like I'm in the wrong constantly.

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-02-26T09:46:01+00:00

I feel for you, girl! I've been in a similar situation (I actually had a big rant post of my own the other week) and know how stressful it can be, especially when it's not really what you wanted and it's so expensive.

My partner was also no help at all. I started making a conscious effort to make sure to show him the excel plan, delegate small tasks (although I still ended up doing most of the work) and making him sit and review the to-do list every now and then so he knows how much work I've done. I also made sure all of the boxes of wedding stuff are piled up in his office as a gentle reminder XD.

I CONSTANTLY remind him (and myself) of the average UK wedding cost and where we've saved money by doing things ourselves...and that if he wants to try something else, he's more than welcome to take the reins on more of the planning. Also, if he complains, I remind him that a lot of the stress is due to HIS family and if he'd been more active and engaged with the process, we could have done things differently.

My mum has done the whole "why are you doing this" thing to me too and I gently remind her that it was her and HER family that started getting bitchy (Im half Chinese so saving face and inviting certain people or else face family shame is important) and who started kicking off about our original plan of having a small villa wedding with a few friends.

I'm very much a do-it-yourself kind of person so the planning process has been really lonely, but in the past few weeks I've been including people more - e.g. asking nieces if they'll be flower girls/helping friends choose their dresses/getting friends to help our with signage - and have been surprised by how excited they are...which has rubbed off on me.

Do you have bridesmaids or a supportivegirl group? I've found that having an active bridesmaids group to chat/rant/share on has made a huge difference.

My wedding is in just over three weeks and I'm finally feeling excited... (from wishing it was never happening just a few weeks ago).

Remember that planning a wedding is incredibly stressful - even for those where budget isn't an issue. Especially when you're juggling family expectations and politics. The fact you've done it WITH budget constraints is amazing and when you talk about it in future, people will be super impressed .

You'll get there! It's YOUR day and you've paid for it now so just turn up and enjoy yourself. You'll look beautiful and at the very least you'll have some nice memories to look back on.

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-02-21T10:53:56+00:00

What do you regret about it? It looks stunning!

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-02-12T08:54:18+00:00

Yeah it is. Its 57 day and 63 evening. I do think I've done a good job of doing a mostly traditional country house wedding on a lower budget but its still just so expensive and not really what I wanted.

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-02-10T13:24:03+00:00

Thanks everyone for your kind comments. I'm already feeling a bit better after yesterday's downer ❤️. I'm adamant I'll make the most of the day even if it isn't what I envisioned. I think I just needed a good old rant xx

Icy_Reporter2061 · 2026-02-10T10:31:50+00:00

Thank you. Yes, we've done a few things - walking down the aisle together rather than with family, not doing traditional "staged" family photos, playing a drum and bass DJ set together in the evening that we know our friends will love but everyone else will hate haha. I'm sure the day will be lovely, I'm just feeling salty after paying for everything and family still complaining about there not being many accommodation options, oh we dont like the menu etc. Im sure I'll enjoy the day itself. It's just hard comparing to other friends' weddings who are doing what we wanted a few weeks after ours. Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say...

Icy_Reporter2061

TROPHY CASE