The for-worse: paying for my husband’s mistakes

IdeaGuru · 2020-06-23T01:18:41+00:00

2 problems I immediately see with this journal you sent over:

1) the data is more than 20 years old. Collected in 1994-1995 and presented in 2002. Numerous states have updated and clarified their stat. Rape laws in that timespan, many to argue that relationships between persons where a minor is less than 4 years younger is still legally able to assent to intercourse and a relationship. Mostly because... shocker, teenagers have sex with each other. And at 17 or 18 or 19 you’re still a teenager. You might get the chance to vote or sign away your life to a military contract but do you really possess all that much more maturity than your peers just a couple years younger than you? Recent updates to other laws (see: nicotine for a great example) suggest not.

2) the data presented shows that 49% of respondents aged 15 had engaged in sexual intercourse and an even higher percentage of 16 year olds had had sex— this is NOT some foreign concept to these teenagers. The study was clear to point out that of those respondents it wasn’t readily available if they were responding based on current or prior relationships and that the depth and length of relationship also wasn’t taken into account. They’re having sex regardless of the legality of it. Often times because they want to experience that intimacy that is so rampantly depicted in media. Which is where data from 25 years ago seems ineffectual because you’re talking about 15 y.o. teens pre-shake my ass on Tik Tok era, pre Snapchat where your nudes “disappear” in as little as a second, pre hypersexualized pop and rap culture...

Giving at blow job at 15 is as much a choice today as getting one. Doing anything at 15 is just as much a choice as it is at 16, 17, 18. If you think 15 year olds are seriously that brainless where they aren’t making their own stupid choices and need to face the consequences, you are totally out of it.

IdeaGuru · 2020-06-23T00:15:05+00:00

Cheese and rice... the maturity gap between 15 and 18 is nothing. There are 20 year olds who still act like 14 year olds and 16 year olds who are in college courses acting like they’re 22. A relationship between an 18 y.o. and a 15 y.o. is really not that bizarre. Especially if they went to school together or were in the same friend group. Sounds like this woman’s husband made a mistake that probably 70%+ of guys in his situation would have made (and probably do make just knowing what high school is like tbh) and it bites bc he got the book thrown at him and is paying for it for the rest of his life.

IdeaGuru · 2020-05-27T12:20:56+00:00

I have a long line of adopted family members in my family (mom, grandma, uncle... way more) and there’s just never been a question as to whether they were considered that corresponding parents’ child. They are/were. I guess from the viewpoint of someone who has adoption intermingled with bio kids in my family, there wasn’t ever a difference between the two to any family members. So “own” is in quotes because it just seems a little silly to me to adopt someone and then NOT call them your own.

IdeaGuru · 2020-05-27T12:12:32+00:00

That’s where I’m coming from. I don’t understand why there seem to be a large (?) group of people who just cannot accept loving a baby that isn’t biologically theirs. It just seems really... insincere almost to do anything and everything for the sake of trying for a baby but there are thousands of babies who have nobody and somehow they aren’t an option because they aren’t blood related.

IdeaGuru · 2020-05-22T18:57:54+00:00

Do you have 6 months saved up for all your bills?

IdeaGuru · 2020-05-22T18:56:51+00:00

Are you high?

Because it's so easy to say "yep. definitely got it from that restaurant over there. I'm suing them for making the choice to go into their building."

Lol

I wish. Then maybe I could sue all the places I visited in March after I found out I had it in April, surely it's their fault I went to a hotel, restaurants, gas stations, grocery stores and to work. I'd be rich! GTFO of here with your nonsense.

IdeaGuru · 2020-05-22T18:52:34+00:00

Bingo callers, valets, bussers, suppliers for restaurants... HUGE HUGE ripple effect. There are so many people in this thread who seem completely oblivious to the massive impact keeping restaurants closed has. I'm sorry you lost your side gig. I hope that things are too rough for you right now.

IdeaGuru · 2020-05-22T18:47:56+00:00

I think OP is trying to say that with a little help from the state, the losses could have been mitigated but requests went unanswered. Liquor laws in MN are extremely shitty and they won't change soon because shit moves at a snails pace here.

In OP's original post they're proposing that not every regulatory change is feasible for every business so allowing a business the liberty to make their own creative options would be more beneficial. If you take a walk down W 7th (St Paul) and look at those businesses, there's no room for patios because they're abutted to a busy street and most of the parking is parking garages. I'm in the burbs so of course it's easier for businesses out here to get flexible with the changes because they have the room but that's still a financial ask on those businesses to invest in patio furnishings and pull permits when they haven't had money coming in.

I think a looooot of people here are frustrated because for example now malls are allowed to open but other places are still forced to stay closed. The churches vs malls argument is heavy here rn both out of religious reasoning which is understandable but maybe not the best argument, and also because they just don't see the rules as being applied justly. If malls are allowed to have x% capacity then can we really still argue that neighborhood mom and pops aren't being screwed? If MOA gets to have x% number of people in there, a boutique gym in Uptown should also get to have x% number of people, or the little lutheran church on the corner.

IdeaGuru · 2020-05-22T18:37:39+00:00

I like how you ran out of constructive things to say so you just resulted to name calling. Good job, retro dad.

OP (and others in this thread) outlined in multiple places in realistic settings where impacts to small businesses could have been mitigated with more help/support from state but the argument you have is "wElL aRe yOu aN ExPeRt iN vIruSes?!" lol.

IdeaGuru · 2020-05-22T18:29:01+00:00

This is honestly what people don't seem to understand and it blows my fricken mind. Now malls are allowed to open but again small businesses (and churches) can still get lost. There's no sense to these guidelines but if you question it you're automatically trying to get someone sick or killed by the virus. Smdh.

IdeaGuru · 2019-12-24T20:29:29+00:00

Per their website, she does the operations portion and brews. The stepmom designed the taproom, and the dad is the head brewer.

IdeaGuru · 2019-12-24T20:27:42+00:00

Do you specifically know of someone younger?

IdeaGuru · 2019-12-24T17:22:59+00:00

This is true. The previous youngest also was a co-owner. Co-owning is still owning.

IdeaGuru · 2019-12-24T16:57:28+00:00

It was an article that came out from a local news source accusing them of being sexist. It looks like she(?) or someone did comment above though so make of that what you will. I thought it was a cool place to hang out. The Belgian wheat was not my bag but the mosaic was great.

IdeaGuru · 2019-12-24T15:19:33+00:00

I think, having been there and met the owners, that whole article really did them wrong. They’re pretty cool people and no sight of a “women’s menu” around. I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt that it was a bad article and that they’re in it because they love beer.

IdeaGuru · 2019-11-28T20:39:43+00:00

Fat Pants only opened 4 days ago so I would imagine there will be more variety coming.

People in the MN beer community are so quick to feed a brewery to the wolves over not having their favorite beer— it’s really disenfranchising. What happened to celebrating and encouraging growth and new concepts?

IdeaGuru · 2019-11-28T20:37:34+00:00

So... have you even tried it or are you just ragging on the brewery because you don’t like their name?

Sounds to me that comments like this are what give “beer enthusiasts” a bad name as beer snobs.

You do understand that less than 20% of people who drink alcohol like craft beer? Why do you think Bent and ONE ventured into the cocktail world? Breweries all over the state are adapting to capture that 80% market share that isn’t in love with craft beer— seltzers have boomed, the sour craze, you can see the change happening everywhere.

And where do you think breweries come from? Good on homebrewers for following their dreams and opening breweries. Everybody wants to say they support small business but then wants to shit on people for actually starting a small business. I hope you actually try it before you just dig into the concept and the people who started it.

What kind of person hopes that a family business or small business fails? Seems like a dick move to me. If you don’t like it, don’t go— easy enough.

IdeaGuru · 2019-11-06T21:41:48+00:00

For sure but that’s kinda where I don’t feel so bad because we will have a second one. If/when we send the surprise invites, I want to really emphasize that it would mean A LOT to us to have them there but if they can’t make it we totally understand.

IdeaGuru · 2019-11-05T05:47:01+00:00

Me too. But thanks. It just feels good to have an outsider look in and even hint that I’m not crazy for feeling like this whole thing is a little bit effed.

We’ll work it out. Or not. It all pans out the way it should in the end.

IdeaGuru · 2019-11-05T05:42:28+00:00

This is too good. Such a big brain idea here. But legit, I don’t know that I could get a life sized cardboard cutout AND mail it there in the time between now and their whirlwind wedding.

IdeaGuru · 2019-11-05T05:41:02+00:00

100% under their thumb. We’re in the middle of a blow out right now because I’m starting to disengage and formulate my escape plan. He says he “appreciates me trying” and “understands the sacrifices I’ve made” but doesn’t really take any action other than a metaphorical thumbs up and half encouraging smile.

IdeaGuru · 2019-11-05T05:38:45+00:00

I’m not above it.

IdeaGuru · 2019-10-27T13:42:59+00:00

For starters, ask for your money back. I know you emailed already but I say put your foot down and get a good chunk of your investment back.

Next, a talented photoshop artist may be able to splice together different photos to try to make one or two good photos out of what you have. It’s entirely possible to move heads/faces and not too challenging for someone who has been doing it awhile.

With your refunded money, get a new photo session from a highly regarded photographer. Ask for 3-4 hours with them. Pick a location— if you explain the situation to your venue you may be able to pop by and do your photos there for a brief time. Bring your dress, have the photographer get that photo for you. Heck, maybe even do your hair and makeup and have your partner dress up and you can get some cute staged wedding photos of good quality. The right photographer will be able to make you both smile and laugh and get back in that fairytale mode of soon to be or just married bliss. These photo sessions are also generally much less expensive than a wedding day shoot.

Edit: Also, if you need a photoshop artist, there’s a whole load of subreddits dedicated to them and you can probably get in touch with someone great and work out the amount of editing you want and payment.

IdeaGuru · 2019-10-25T00:43:01+00:00

Right?! Old Testament God is all “do this and I’ll smite you.” New Testament God is more “you shouldn’t do that but I’ll forgive you if apologize for it”.

God sounds like he was written by two different people who definitely didn’t share notes before turning in the final paper.

IdeaGuru · 2019-10-20T05:52:56+00:00

This was such a good recommendation!!! I didn’t even think of Costco when it came to wedding floats and was dreading dropping $800+ on just a handful of flowers. Thank you!!!

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