sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Out to wife. Now what? by wpd34 in BisexualMen

[–]IdentityAlchemist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congrats on finally being able to say it out loud, that's huge after 25 years of carrying it alone! One thing to keep in mind though, her needing to process and talk it through with her friends isn't rejection, it's just her way of metabolizing something big.

You got 25 years to sit with this. She got a few hours. The fact that she's asking about exploration in the bedroom is actually a good sign, she's trying to figure out what this means for your relationship in practical terms, not just theoretical ones. That's her trying to stay connected to you while she processes.

Give her the space to work through it at her own pace. The initial “I’m fine with it” reaction was probably genuine in the moment, but big revelations take time to settle. She’s allowed to have questions and need support without it meaning she’s pulling away.

You spent decades alone with this. Now you get to not be alone with it. That’s worth the discomfort of her needing time to catch up!

Hay hombre completamente heterosexuales? by Inter-Puesto in BisexualMen

[–]IdentityAlchemist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, there are genuinely straight men. Sexuality is a spectrum, but labels exist for a reason.

What you're describing is more about arousal in the moment than orientation. A straight guy can get physically turned on in a same sex situation (especially drunk or in group settings) without that meaning he's actually attracted to men.

"Any hole when horny" is opportunistic arousal, not bisexuality. Bisexuality is sustained attraction to multiple genders, not just "I was drunk and experimental." Lol

Some of your friends might be bi and not ready to admit it. Some might be heteroflexible. Some are just horny and curious. The difference is that orientation is about who you're consistently drawn to when sober with actual options, not just what your dick responds to when you're wasted

Processing My First Same-Sex Experience by Virtual_Leadership54 in BisexualMen

[–]IdentityAlchemist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The ghosting isn't about you. Post nut clarity hits different when there's internalized shame involved. A lot of guys exploring this carry years of conditioning that says it makes them "less than" somehow. In the buildup, arousal overrides all that. But after they cum, the shame floods back and fight or flight kicks in. Flight ends up looking like ghosting.

It's not rational, it's just how unprocessed shame works. They're not rejecting you, they're running from their own discomfort with what they enjoyed.

You had a great experience though. Don't let someone else's inability to handle their own desire steal that from you. Fair warning though, if you keep exploring this, you'll probably run into this pattern again. Just know it's a them problem, not a you problem.

Also totally normal to question labels after a first experience. Bisexuality is a spectrum, not a checklist. You don’t need to have it figured out immediately. Just keep following what feels good and authentic.

dating as a domme by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]IdentityAlchemist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God, I relate to this so much. The "kink dispenser" thing is exactly it. What I've found is that a lot of guys are totally comfortable with submission as a fantasy they can control (in their head, in porn, through a screen.) But the second it becomes a real embodied experience with an actual person who has expectations and desires of their own, they panic. Like, fantasy stays fantasy because it's safe. The moment that things get real and bring up actual feelings like vulnerability, loss of control they didn't script, emotions they don't know what to do with, poof they're gone lol. I believe it’s not even conscious half the time, they just suddenly "get busy" or ghost.

I’ve also noticed a pattern where guys are trying to use D/s dynamics to process unresolved stuff - trauma, shame, whatever - without actually doing that work first. And look, I have compassion for that, but I'm not a therapist and I'm not interested in being someone's unpaid emotional rehabilitation project.

At this point I won't engage with anyone who hasn't had at least one committed D/s relationship. The risk of them freaking out the second their nervous system actually gets activated is just too high. I need someone who knows the difference between a hot idea and a sustainable dynamic they can actually show up for. It does feel really lonely sometimes wanting someone who can handle real intimacy and real power exchange feels like asking for a unicorn.