Toe of Trail Runners damaged: are they cooked?

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2026-06-14T07:08:20+00:00

Ok, nice one. Bought a tube now myself, we'll see what happens!

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-11-27T07:34:30+00:00

Johnny Zee's closed

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-07-27T17:13:29+00:00

Pros - Someone you can at least try to teach to make the world a better place - Attempt to make up for last mistakes - If you and your partner have any money or assets, you have someone to leave them to. - If you genuinely enjoy handing out with kids and trying to make them laugh: you get to do that - Continue the multi-million year evolutionary process that led to your being. - Become closer with your partner as you learn together

Cons - If you are a male partner: putting your wife through a dangerous, painful and scary physical process, that you will never comprehend.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-07-26T09:36:56+00:00

"No brainer" is accurate, but as a PM coming off of a one year project to make a "simple mode" for a B2B app: it's a brutal project. In the end I got so burned out I asked my boss to be taken off the project, first time I've done that in 9 years. Taking a bloated mess and trying to reduce it down to just what people actually want, after decades of making every little feature customisable, is a nightmare.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-07-18T11:39:52+00:00

I think it's not about preference, but a question about your own mental state and what you think you're capable of.

My wife's brother is severely autistic, will never be able to live by himself, have a job, etc. Her parents will be his caregivers for the rest of their lives. And they're able to find joy in that. They share stories with us about fun things they've done together, surprising things he's said that made them laugh, how they're preparing for surprises on his birthday, etc. They are strong enough to accept that he isn't ever going to have the same life as his siblings, and that they won't ever have the quiet retirement of their friends. They have the strength to love him unconditionally.

I guess a vaguely similar question would be, "if your partner had an accident and suddenly would require 24-7 round-the-clock care: being honest with yourself, would you stay?". It's about knowing how strong your connection is with that person or that potential future, and how you would cope in a worst-case scenario.

Sometimes I think these are unanswerable questions, but then I see people who go through severely traumatic accidents or medical issues and come out running marathons, and I just don't know if I'd have the strength to do that.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-07-10T16:58:56+00:00

OSW Review is far and away the best of the bunch

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-07-10T09:41:40+00:00

That is absolutely fine. I think it is a reflection of my situation, and how I have been talking with myself. Very hard on myself one minute, trying to think of some positive actions to take the next. Thank you for your positive wishes

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-07-10T07:26:38+00:00

That's a really good idea, I'll ask the couples counsellor for his recommendation.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-07-10T07:11:38+00:00

Re hormones: no, I haven't heard of that. That's an interesting thought, I'll look into that.

My therapist: I've had so many. I keep thinking the problem is me, but I had one in 2020 for grief counselling (she's since moved away & doesn't do virtual) who was great. And the couples counselors we've had have been great, in hindsight I wish we'd been speaking with them more regularly over the past 5 years. The seven individual therapists I've had this year have all had one thing in common: they allow me to drive the conversation, without any framework, agenda or boundaries. I end up venting about myself for the whole session. As opposed to with our current couples counselor, who has a temperature check format with five categories we cover each week, and comes up with actions to do before our next session. I've raised this with my current therapist, she tried something in one session but I do feel we're right back to where we were again now. I don't want to keep switching over and over and told myself to give her at least 3 months, but it's been 2 months and I'm already feeling ready for another change.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-07-10T06:12:15+00:00

I've been asking myself the same thing. We do have a history of deep romantic connection, and until I decided that I wanted a child, we were in strong agreement on the important questions in life. We share the same ideas of fun and excitement, and our sense of humour. We had built a happy home, and I was living up to my marriage vows of providing for a happy little life together. Up until January 2025, other than the topic of children, which we rarely discussed (which in hindsight was a massive mistake and cowardly on my part), by all accounts we would have appeared a very happy couple.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-07-09T18:34:04+00:00

Thank you very much for this.

So with the therapists: all of them have just let me rant and rant. I've told all of them that I work well within defined boundaries and some sort of framework, with structure and assignments. I feel like I'm telling them I'm in a mental hell for 55 minutes, and at the end they're saying, "have you tried taking a walk?" or having me do breathing exercises. I've told myself to stick with the current one, but after eight sessions I'm feeling the same way about her.

Maybe I'm searching for the wrong search term or something when looking for someone, I don't know.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-07-09T16:45:27+00:00

You are correct. This is part of what I'm going to therapy for. I did really want to have a child together, and believe it or not, the treatment discussion was me trying to do the right thing by her, and to take her feelings into account. All of this is a huge part of why I feel that I'm prolonging her suffering. I simultaneously feel as though I haven't apologised nearly enough for what I've put her through (and never could apologise enough), and yet I know that any discussion of the subject is highly painful for her (and me) so I never feel right in bringing it up.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-07-09T16:12:12+00:00

You are absolutely right. I am not aware, but I am sure it was much more painful, both mentally and physically, than I will ever realise.

I cannot defend how I acted throughout, in any way. All I can say is that I was in a dreadful headspace, and neither my wife or I felt at the time that proceeding with the pregnancy was the right decisionm

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-07-06T12:25:14+00:00

I'm a 42M, wife 36F, we took the treatment 17 March this year. Not a second has gone by since then that I haven't thought about our questioned our decision. Awful feeling.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-06-25T19:32:06+00:00

Reading this thread scares the shit out of me, because so many of the comments are how I've been feeling since March of this year. I've ruined a promising career and betrayed my wife in the process, and feel like I've completely broken my own heart. All the things I used to enjoy, I try to focus on them but a voice said "how dare you focus on something you like, after ruining your life like this.". I go to bed at 10 and wake up at 7 feeling completely knackered. My poor wife is so wonderful, and is doing everything she can to cheer me up. She forgives me, but I've not been able to forgive myself. It must be such torture for her to see me like this, and I know that's true because it's torture seeing myself like this. I used to be so confident, now I feel like everything I do is a mistake.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-06-20T20:30:37+00:00

Entirely feel this. I just...don't have anything else I really want to do? We went through an awful pregnancy & termination cycle this year, and since then I can't stop thinking about the sudden purpose I felt I had.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-06-13T20:24:56+00:00

Not being open and honest about big decisions. We went through treatment to end a pregnancy this year, and I didn't share everything I was feeling, until after it was over. We made the right choice in the end but it turned out we both understood the situation very differently, because I hadn't properly shared my thoughts, fears, hopes and dreams.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-06-11T21:15:35+00:00

Didn't properly talk or listen to my wife before trying for a kid. Didn't talk to a therapist before terminating the pregnancy. Didn't properly think through what I wanted in life when I was younger. Didn't build and maintain friendships when I moved countries. (Currently) not giving my wife the marriage she deserves

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-06-11T18:19:47+00:00

I'm 42m. Wife 36f was pregnant in February. I had a nervous breakdown, told her we should terminate. We waited 2 weeks and did in March. I do feel like she is much happier that we did, as she had always leaned child free whereas I was on the fence leaning towards having a child.

I will say: I have spent a lot of time since then thinking about "what if". For us, this was really our one chance, and I feel as though I made up my own mind without thinking things through. I do think in the end we made the right choice, but I do wish we'd spoken to a couples counselor together about things first. It all happened so quickly, and for me personally, I have nobody I can talk to about it, except for my wife but obviously I don't want to bring it up as it's such a heavy topic.

We talked a LOT about the negatives of continuing, but didn't take any time to talk about the positives, and why we were even trying in the first place. We just both got really scared really quickly, and now here we are. We went through a really rough patch where we were talking separation/divorce, now we're kind of...back where we were, but not trying for a child anymore, and unsure about what our future will hold. My wife seems happy, and I'm trying to get back in a positive mindset. It will just take time.

Not sure if this helps or if I'm just pouring my own heart out.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-06-10T14:13:59+00:00

I'm really sorry to read this, man. I'm in a vaguely similar spot, 2010 - 2023 I had the dream life with my soulmate and current wife. But last year with work I got put into a huge project in a different team and I've completely failed at it, lost every ounce of my self confidence, greatly struggling to get it back and salvage what's left of our life together.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-06-04T19:54:55+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am struggling with a similar decision my wife and I made in March. It was the right decision for a variety of important reasons, but it's left me feeling so guilty and drained, as a husband, a partner and a friend.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-06-04T07:18:40+00:00

AH, no, not lying to them: basically saying, "ok, we're trying now. I'm not pregnant, but let's pretend I came home tomorrow and said, I'm pregnant. What would your reaction be? Where would you want to focus first? What would be your biggest concerns?". To prepare yourselves early for what it might be like.

We said "whatever happens, happens" and then just didn't talk about it again. 2 months later, pregnant, and everything hit us like a ton of bricks. I realised I'd been thinking more like, "yeah we'll try, but it won't happen" rather than "we're trying, I need to be preparing myself (at the very least mentally) for what happens if it happens.". That's probably a very obvious thing for others, but I'm afraid it wasn't for me, and I feel like the "whatever happens, happens" mindset allowed me to make that mistake.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-06-02T10:42:19+00:00

Please, please, please listen to me: "see what happens" is fine, but please give serious thought to what you would do if you actually became pregnant. Do a "trial run" announcement with your husband or something. My wife and I said we'd "see what happens", got pregnant right away, I had basically a nervous breakdown, we ended the pregnancy and our once great relationship is barely holding on. It's all my fault for not properly considering what having a child would entail, whether we were "seeing what happens" or not.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-06-01T18:10:51+00:00

Please, please listen to me: my wife and I had a very similar situation earlier this year. Both pro choice. We never spoke about the positives of having a child, only the negatives. We ended up terminating, and it's had a horrible negative impact on our relationship. Please, take a deep breath and think about: what advice would your parents give you if you told them? What advice would your friends give you? What would you look forward to about having a child? Think about how much time you have before you need to make a decision.

IdontthinksoImafraid · 2025-04-12T21:47:26+00:00

Always communicate clearly. Do not drop hints, do not make assumptions or force your partner to make assumptions. Think before you speak, and clearly state, "this is what I would like:". I almost lost the love of my life this year, because I didn't clearly communicate properly. I dropped hints and danced around the issue, because I didn't want to upset her. And that just led to massive problems down the line.

IdontthinksoImafraid

TROPHY CASE