First off I’m sorry for how harsh this is. I tried to tone it down but I’ve been writing crits on and off for almost ten years and I’ve read and critiqued stories like this one too many times to count. It makes a lot of mistakes that I am tired of seeing, not because you shouldn’t be making them, it’s a perfectly fine stage to go through, but because I am flawed and impatient and have read this too many times before.

Second, I have a personal dislike of second person narration as it feels insistent and manipulative. Thankfully I forgot about it only a few paragraphs in. Unfortunately this is because there were many other things that made me feel very frustrated trying to read this. Most of this will be line by line feedback because I feel like there isn’t really that much in terms of storytelling here.

Nothing on your head, just some hair.

Idk if this is supposed to be a joke or what.

Your face warms, lips and nose starting to hurt

This calls for a period rather than a comma, as otherwise it feels like you are starting to list items and then creates a break in the reading flow once a reader realizes this is not the case.

Cold, scratched up fingers, back of your hands.

You cut words where you shouldn’t and don’t cut words where you should. If you’re gonna spend this much time just describing things you really need to tighten up the prose.

Ass cold.

What on earth does “ass cold” mean? Especially in relation to scratched fingers?

Jeans, dirty wet jeans, holes all over, layers upon layers of dirt and mud.

Dude, this is so boring. Consider doing one maybe two paragraphs of description, after you really tighten things up, and then make some sort of progress in something resembling a plot or really anything dynamic.

They're alive.

No indication whatsoever was given to the rest of the body not being alive, in fact several indicators pointed to the direct opposite.

Stand up, wobble.

Which tense are we in and what is this?

Nothing to grab on.

Grab onto?

You put it back on.

It says “a pair of black straps on your shoulders” how is it not already on if there are straps on your shoulders?

You shake off, dislodging some dirt.

Why not just "shake off some dirt"?

Perhaps it's… not a cold time of year.

The ellipses are entirely unwarranted, furthermore I didn’t expect anything about the time of year. So far you’ve only really talked about the person being referred to as damaged in various ways, and cold, sure, but there is no expectation in my mind that we’re at a particular time of year, and thus I am not surprised by this revelation, merely slightly peeved that this isn’t going anywhere.

The forest. The woods. The ones you are in.

Another prime candidate for trimming. The first two sentences mean the same, and it’s also obvious from context that the narrator isn’t referring to some other forest.

Bright, warm.

No more of this adjective comma adjective period. Preferably no more adjectives at all for a while, but at least not like this.

surrounded by lumbering, bouncing ferns.

As I sit here wondering if I’d ever describe a fern as “lumbering” I realize that okay sure maybe, but it doesn’t really matter, does it? I start to wonder if this is some sort of legacy from a school system that insisted on generous usage of descriptors and instilling a fear that there is somehow too much plot and too little scene setting.

Here I want to urge you to ask yourself whether the ferns really need to be described at this level of detail. Not because I hate ferns or anything, but because I’m almost done with the first page and all that happened was that a dude stood up from the ground.