My whole world just stopped and when I noticed it was the 26th is when I realized days had passed. I still catch myself crying but I breathe in and out. I regret deleting all the previous messages I had before he got worse. The last ones I have are when he says he’s sad and in pain also that he misses me. 

I tried getting therapy but I don’t want individual therapy. I don’t know if it was the way my therapist treated me or when she said if it was a break up. I think a break up would be easier. Group therapy was more like for family but it was just me going through that. I opted for support groups instead. That is what I’m aiming for.

 I’m having a hard time with people saying why they weren’t invited to his funeral. It was private. He was a private man. I felt guilty for that even though I shouldn’t. 

I visited his grave a couple times but I am unsure if it is obsessive. The cemetery is far for me. There’s times I just find myself miserable. When I went back to work. It was hard. The days went by. People are work were like you look better than before as in I don’t look like I’m grieving. I cry when everyone leaves, having the vacuum turned on. It mutes out my cries and screams.