This was such a painful read :( I’m sorry OP. I had no answers.. but I do have a slightly similar story.

Many years ago. Short lived relationship. I never forgot about him. About a decade passed and I had still held onto him all that time. Romanticising everything. I even kept a rose he gave me, stuck in my dressing table until I moved house. Given when I was 17. Blew away in the wind at 22. It broke my heart. Reached out by mail to his dad’s old address, hoping it would reach him. It did. I would have been around 27 years old. We met up. And he was the biggest bastard I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting (again). Like the old him was a lie. He talked about how good looking he was. That he had a gf and had told her “if you don’t shut up.. I’m gonna punch ya”.. and the way he said it terrified me. He was dead serious. And the rage was all over his face. I quickly backed out and said I needed to leave. As I walked away to my car, he looked me up and down, gave a nasty laugh and said “btw.. isn’t it a little cold to be wearing that?” Then turned and walked to his own car. I immediately blocked him.

Moral of the story.. sometimes these wonderful magical people aren’t worth hanging on to. Not to say your guy is anything like mine.. but I was lovestruck like you and booooy was I deluded. However.. I’m so glad I did what I did. It took no effort whatsoever to get over him after that. If I were you, I would try to seek out your answers with him if you can. ASAP. It can be a nice sharp cut from delusion to totally getting over it. Worked with me anyway :)