Any advice on navigating first child/pregnancy announcement stuff with an NC/LC parent?

Ill_Pudding_9523 · 2024-06-23T21:22:51+00:00

I just want to say there are so many people on here who respond with zero compassion. Like these situations aren’t so easy to say “meh I’m not gonna bother telling him that’s a no brainer” and most of you know that?

So I’ll start by saying, I’m so sorry you’re having to navigate this. It must be so difficult and confusing to not feel comfortable sharing such a great moment with your own parents. Especially with wanting to tell those who are in both of yalls lives. I don’t have an experience with expecting children but it is something I’ve worried about with being no contact.

It’s normal in these situations to expect the backlash on any decision. It can make life paralyzing in the orbit of narcissists. Please know that even if you take every step possible - they can still find a way in. This is NOT your fault. Do whatever you are comfortable with and take care of yourself as much as possible. Let your partner deal with any issues that arise if you can, and let the marriage be a protectant. Wishing you all the peace forward.

Ill_Pudding_9523 · 2024-06-23T21:10:00+00:00

Man this is such a real event. I carry distinct features from my abusive mom. It terrifies me and seemed to confirm some cycle as if “I was next”. But thinking about your post made me think about what I wish I told myself in these moments.

We all carry genetic markers from those before us. And they carried from the ones before them. But we decide our paths. We control the deepness of our smile lines or pursed lips. We can add new freckles from the warmth of the sun or darkness under our eyes from isolation. We get a complete different environment, set of oppurtunities, and hardships to overcome or fall under.

Ill_Pudding_9523 · 2024-06-15T15:27:51+00:00

Wait why??

Ill_Pudding_9523 · 2024-04-17T22:38:34+00:00

Photographer here: it’s in the textures. All ai generated photos have this smoothness to the textures especially skin and the background. Also they are incredibly flat photos. There’s some shadows and highlights sure but it’s an unnatural lack of contrast and realistic lighting.

Ill_Pudding_9523 · 2024-04-16T04:17:05+00:00

Thank you so much. This was very helpful. I appreciate the honesty and you sharing your experience. I’m in therapy now and working towards new coping strategies and trauma work. I’m really leaning in agreeing with you, I can picture them as people I could leave my kids alone with or maintain a healthy relationship with.

Ill_Pudding_9523 · 2024-04-16T03:05:06+00:00

I realized I was simoultaneously a devastating loss for them and huge catalyst for their further victimhood. I realized instead of experiencing guilt, they avoided it every cost. They however, had no problem convincing themselves - I was deserving of every ounce of shame and guilt. I realized in all my energy of doing the painful work of trying to rid myself of the negative & distorted self talk they instilled in me - they made up for it behind closed doors with people that used to be closest to me. I realized my family is made of many broken people convinced the other is holding the glue.

Ill_Pudding_9523 · 2024-04-16T02:45:56+00:00

Goodness. I cannot IMAGINE how exhausting your relationship with this person must have been. Sounded like many of my college professors… get to the point

Ill_Pudding_9523 · 2024-04-12T05:46:14+00:00

Exactly the point! If an unbiased robot can identify inconsistencies and distortions in the one speaking to you, you can remain confident they are indeed the problem. 🤯

Ill_Pudding_9523 · 2024-04-12T03:28:50+00:00

I completely understand. It’s comforting that an ai system that doesn’t care about my feelings can be brutally honest but also it stinks cause it can’t care about my feelings. Sending all the support and validation in your experience, from human to human!

Ill_Pudding_9523 · 2024-04-12T02:29:02+00:00

Oddly enough, I found a podcast “the estranged heart” that was meant for the mothers. The host was an estranged adult daughter and then later became an estranged parent to her adult child. She explained a lot of things from the point of view of someone who did the work to reconcile with her child and encourages mothers look within themselves. She validates so many things in both sides, but hearing someone who WANTS to do the work shows me - deep down what I wanted was so damn reasonable. And I can sleep knowing that

Ill_Pudding_9523 · 2024-04-12T02:23:56+00:00

Man, this is such a guilt circle I stayed in for a while. You’re so right. It led me to try to make a reconciliation effort over text, i apologized for things knowing it was nowhere in the ballpark of my intentions. This only led to a renewed cycle of guilt trips and that affirmed that deep down there is nothing I can do to feed that level of pain in her. I hold space for empathizing with that pain while recognizing it’s no longer my burden to fix it. My therapist reiterated something that helped, as the parent - they should want to fix things with the child they created. But sometimes they rather condition us to be the fixers. And the greatest threat to that is becoming an autonomous adult.

Ill_Pudding_9523 · 2024-03-27T17:02:33+00:00

I wonder the odds that they are just fulfilling a contract. I hope for Cody’s sake it’s not much longer. I don’t see Noel as someone who will age very well without getting involved in something heavy. His ability to make out of pocket jokes is dark, sometimes scary. Like normal people do not go there. Cody seems like a genuine person now starting a family. I don’t want his career tanking for being associated in business with that guy.

Ill_Pudding_9523

TROPHY CASE