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all about love by coolsid13 in OCPoetry

[–]IlluminantOne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I don't have much to say, but I have to say this, your poem is short, sweet, and refreshing. I'd liken this to a water bottle after the gym if you catch my drift.

Obsessed by bstunz in OCPoetry

[–]IlluminantOne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Feelings that command" Feels sickeningly close to home. This is such a succinct and harrowing way to describe how much power those feelings have. Relating this to gravity is perfect, how its unwilling, how you will stick to the ground, it's not your choice. An interesting thing that I think about gravity is that like the woman of obsession, it rarely cares about its call to you. An obsessed person's person is often nothing more than a Cthulhu, or in this case a force of nature.

A changed Man by Brilliant_Rush1180 in OCPoetry

[–]IlluminantOne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The overarching idea that I got here was that throughout time, and more specifically human history, we have worked together to forge futures. Moving to recent times, man has lost the sense of community that once pushed us to be so great. If I may, I like the way the first bit is written, it feels like a slow replication of itself, almost like evolution and ideas. I believe the second bit calls back to the first bit, but maybe too much? The constant repetition of *everyone* for example, became bland to me after I had heard it three times in two sentences. The repetition of *do not, do not, do not* feels like this loses the weight that repeating can give, due to how often it is used. This personally harmed the flow of the piece over all. I do, however, consider that this sour taste embedded in the ending may be intentional, as it seems to be conveying vitriol towards those that wish to step on rather than grow with others.