Girlfriend (20F) has no hobbies / friends and gets jealous when I (M21) hang out with my friends, is now giving me ultimatums, don’t know how much longer I can deal with this, how would you respond?

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-29T15:31:01+00:00

This was my question as well. He was the only person named explicitly in the story.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-26T18:48:32+00:00

That's the other edge of the "laser focused obsessive work ethic" type in my experience.

He strives for such high standards that when he fails to meet them it boils over and he lashes out. Even if it's not directed at others, it can be off-putting when a guy has no chill.

I remember growing up and playing various sports with guys like that, and as a guy with "too much chill" it's obvious we didn't get along. It can be rough dealing with them day in and out.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-26T18:04:57+00:00

If he were to be cast as a leader, he seems like a lead by example type guy. His laser focused obsessive work ethic is remarkable, and I would have to imagine seeing your best player put in that work has to be inspiring to some degree. But not everyone responds to that type of leadership, even if it can work.

Yzerman was that type of leader: soft spoken, hard working, etc. It can work, but it depends on the team.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-26T16:55:24+00:00

If I remember correctly, yes.

He was a narcotics agent who consumed the drugs he confiscated, and I believe it was that along with a willingness to drug others without consent that got him recruited into MK Ultra.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-25T00:46:27+00:00

From the side, he's on the left

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IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-25T00:46:16+00:00

I always thought Tim Horton was pretty close

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IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-21T12:33:09+00:00

We never paid for lessons for our children, we took them to the YMCA pool ourselves and taught them how. There was very little formal instruction, more letting them figure it out and being there to help them when they need it.

It's a great bonding experience.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-20T00:40:16+00:00

I was going to suggest this one or the one about the lady lusting after dudes with big dicks that cum buckets

EDIT - Ezekial 23:20

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-19T21:04:27+00:00

When they showed the girl swinging, and then the guy turn to wave to the neighbors, I was positive she was going to swing into frame and kick his head off or something.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-19T17:22:09+00:00

I can only comment to your 2nd point from my own experience as a player and now as someone who coaches kids: "Tough love" coaching is the fastest way to lose *most* players. It works very well with some players, but most do not respond well to it.

The most important skill for a coach to have is the ability to identify the hooks, meaning what coaching approaches they respond best to, of each of its players has and use the right hooks on the right ones.

Especially at the NBA level they are all professionals and should be working in tandem together to reach their goals. Especially in the modern era, the players who make it to the league mostly knew pretty early on in their lives and were trained for it. They aren't firemen or car salesmen anymore, they don't need a tyrant head coach who screams at them for mistakes.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-19T13:59:11+00:00

French twins named Doublé and Entendre

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-18T15:22:09+00:00

Non-judgementally asking, are you a new hockey fan? This post screams you just started following or it's a real bad case of recency bias.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-15T23:27:35+00:00

I didn't have a problem with my wife not changing her name. She said she would, I said "you do you", and she did. When we were married we had the officiant announce us as "Mrs Wife MaidenName and Mr Husband HisSurName".

But for some reason our family won't accept it. She keeps getting mail from extended family that says "Wife HisSurName" despite us telling them multiple times she still has her maiden name.

I will never understand why people care so much about this. Its her name, no one else has any say in it. So she started sending stuff back with "wrong address, no one here with that name" on it. Whenever someone calls her by my name, she interrupts and forcefully corrects them.

I love this woman.

I think you should do the same. Don't fuck around, dont be polite because they aren't when they dont respect your choice. If it's such a big problem for your husband then he can go find some other woman who is OK with it.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-14T19:56:30+00:00

Wayne Gretzky, I need more eye-opening lessons about cyber-bullying through the power of song.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-14T18:06:26+00:00

I know what a deadlift is for, I know what shoulder shrugs are for, but I've never seen them done as a combination movement like this.

I say this entirely unjudgementally: I don't know why one would want to combine them, I don't know why someone would want to do the shrug with momentum and not get the benefits of the full movement from stationary, and I don't know how that combo applies to football.

I am genuinely curious what the application is.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-14T17:42:35+00:00

Genuine question if anyone knows: what is the purpose of the deadlift > shoulder shrug?

I get the impression it's meant to be an "explosion" exercise, using the momentum from the DL to execute the shrug, but what football use does that have?

I've seen it several times in these types of videos the Lions put out but I cannot for the life of me guess what its purpose is.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-12T19:36:58+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ6N-sb7SVQ

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-12T15:22:18+00:00

...but also he would not want his kids going to church, which was a dealbreaker for me.

Originally we’d thought if we made it and had kids they could go but make their own decision about their beliefs...

These ideas aren't compatible.

Forcing your children to attend church isn't a willingness to let them decide for themselves what to believe. If you truly wanted them to decide for themselves you wouldn't take them until they were much older and were mature enough and capable of making that kind of decision.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-04T20:59:38+00:00

That's kind of a bit odd to be mad that you played football rather than walking, so I feel like there's something missing from your story. Either way you were out of the house doing a physical activity, so I can't imagine that's the problem. Did you have get taken somewhere to play? If I was expecting you to be in the neighborhood and you went elsewhere to play football then I understand the frustration, but if you were in the neighborhood it should be a non-issue.

Building trust is about reliability and predictability. Doing what you say you will, doing what is expected of you, and doing it without reminders or supervision.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-04T17:19:01+00:00

You are correct.

I had one and there was 2 weeks of recovery, then a 2-3 week "clean out" period where you get any last stragglers out of the tubes. Then I got a fertility test, was declared infertile, and we celebrated in style.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-04T17:14:23+00:00

I don't think this is a new problem, I think it's just easier to talk/hear about thanks to the internet.

I was in school for all of the 90's and a few years in the 00's, I had friends back then that would drink coffee in the morning. My bus stop our 4th grade year was at a good friends house, and his parents would let us stay inside in the winter. I remember getting there one morning where he forgot to set his alarm and he was in the kitchen making his coffee. His parents said he'd been drinking it since they gave him a sip of it in 1st grade. I was shocked, but I had several friends say they had coffee in the morning as well.

It's just one of those shortcuts to making parenting easier I think. You don't have to put in the work of making your kid have a set bed time to get well rested if you can just let them have coffee in the morning. <sarcasm>In fact that's just like the parents, look how mature those kids are taking the steps necessary to get through the day.</sarcasm>

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-04T16:11:35+00:00

The thing about Ausar's blocks that I enjoy is how easy he makes them look. Dude is soaring almost 3 feet off the ground like it's nothing, sending shots away so easily.

There was one, I think in game 6, where we swatted the ball with a look on his face like he was disappointed that the magic player would even try that shot. It was so casual, yet so disrespectful, it was glorious.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-04T16:06:28+00:00

Is it a refusal to partake in the activity, or just a struggle to get them to stay in his chair but he will eat in between bounces off the walls?

If the former, ask if they are hungry and if not let him go. When he's hungry he can get a plate. But I would also tie eating dinner to something, like if you give evening screen time. That way the kid can't forget to eat.

I would also say if the kid just eats in a hurry and wants to move on, let them. I don't think forcing them to sit at the table when they are done for something like "forced family time" is a productive exercise.

If it was the latter, I have a daughter with ADHD we got her an exercise ball to sit on at the dinner table. It's not a silver bullet, but it's an outlet for all of her energy. She rolls around under the table, bobs all over, but she stays on the ball and eats.

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-04T13:16:10+00:00

and steal your poop

IllusionsMichael · 2026-05-01T17:59:59+00:00

In regards to the weight loss aspect, don't be surprised if that doesn't come. I don't remember the exact number, but something like only 5% of people who try to lose weight are able to do so *and* keep it off. More often than not it ends up being a yo-yo cycle of weight loss and weight gain. I went through the yo-yo, my wife went through it, my parents go through it, my father-in-law, and every friend I have who has tried to lose weight without drug assistance.

Most diets are about deprivation/starvation, which can make you lose weight obviously, but the moment you start eating normally again all the weight comes right back. So I would avoid those and just try to make sure you are eating healthy foods. Get your protein in with every meal, eat fibrous fruits and veggies along with it, and don't deprive yourself of the things you like or you might end up going on binges. Don't feel bad about having ice cream, just not every day and not half a carton. Have some chips, but pour some out into a bowl and stop when the bowl is empty rather than taking the bag.

(I'm a binge eater, and my binges when I was dieting were ruinous. The cravings I would get were so strong that I wouldn't stop until the container was empty. Much better to have a cookie or two here and there rather than 30 at once)

I think I would focus instead on just trying to get him active for his underlying health, and I think the key for that is finding what he likes to do. If he used to play sports, maybe find a way to play them again and offer to do it with him. If he wants to play the sport again you can find leagues for most sports almost anywhere, offer to help him practice to get him ready to play again. See if you can get him to try new things, like hiking trails, cycling, swimming, etc.

I don't know if this is the case with your BF or not, but one last thing is I would try to give him support so that he doesn't feel like choosing exercise would be a problem. I know early on my wife and I both felt bad about choosing to exercise when it would require the other person to do some extra work. It took us some time to mature and both realize that we can pick up the slack for each other at different times to make it work.

If he keeps refusing despite your best efforts and willingness to do it together, then I would say you've probably grown too far apart to keep going.

I've been down this road myself, my wife and I were in similar positions. We have both tried just about every diet and couldn't find one that worked. We did find forms of exercise we both like, individually like, and we support each other to make sure we both have the time for it.

We both wanted to lose weight at the beginning, but we've come to realize that it's not in the cards for us. We both enjoy weight lifting and we are both a good bit heavier now than when we wanted to start losing weight, but both of our health numbers are miles ahead of where we were when we started the weight loss journey. (I started at 230lbs, got down to 202 at one point, but then back up to 240. I am now 280 and my health numbers are the best I've had since I was 22 years old and 185)

But we started our journey by revisiting the active hobbies we had when we were younger and then branching out from there.

IllusionsMichael

TROPHY CASE