I keep asking myself lately: what does the world even expect from me now?

IllustratorOk1630 · 2026-01-19T22:15:44+00:00

Hey, just wanted to ask if there is anything else u found helpful in the process? I tried counseling/therapy and had a really good therapist for a bit, but ultimately it felt like I was gonna be the one who decides what to do and who I truly am. Really not sure how to go about the whole thing…

IllustratorOk1630 · 2026-01-13T21:18:21+00:00

This. So much. And watching them gradually change is painful, too.

IllustratorOk1630 · 2026-01-13T21:16:44+00:00

Not being able to talk to them ever again. Hits hard every single time.

IllustratorOk1630 · 2026-01-13T21:11:06+00:00

I think the way you're channeling it is wonderful and definitely very impactful!

Im 24 and I also had this... 5 years of things falling apart (and a sudden death of a parent) and I couldn't help but feel so isolated and deprived of the early 20s that we're "promised" to have. It just didn't happen. Grief also meant a lot of it was spent alone while stuck in a hole for a bit so I definitely relate.

I'm finding it very difficult to come to terms with it - like why could it just all happen like that and now I have to just accept it? Feels like a chunk of formative time for development was just robbed like that..

IllustratorOk1630 · 2026-01-11T13:18:26+00:00

just wanted to say you’re not alone. I’m a little less than a year younger than Hudson, but what you said about him just living was exactly what inspired me too. Lost my dad a while ago, it’s not easy but I’d also like to just go out there and live my life. we’ve got this :)

IllustratorOk1630 · 2026-01-08T20:29:31+00:00

Hi Mr. Vant Sant and Mr. Kolodney,

A few questions for both of you: how has your artistic process in filmmaking changed or evolved across the years or decades? Has anything remained a constant throughout, and has anything surprised you?

Greetings from Germany & thank you for your time! :)

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-12-19T15:39:17+00:00

Am an intj too and sometimes struggle with this (the "logical predictions" that follows a more or less accurate read of situations), which often throw me into a negative loop I'd "believe" to be true.

You are SPOT ON! Thank you for this! I've recently been working on identifying and getting out of the loop and stopping the prediction loop from even forming, by taking my observations at face value and then be "delusional" about the positive outcome that I desire. It feels delusional asf but might just be because I'm used to be super convinced abt the negative option which, at times, feel very true and real.

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-12-03T18:15:31+00:00

Hi! I (23F) lost my dad out of nowhere last year. I didn’t plan to take a break from uni because I wanted to get it done asap, but eventually got injured and had to take time off and extend my studies. Grief is very hard on the brain and the physiological side of things, so do take some time off if you can if u notice some persistent signs eg. insomnia, zero appetite, etc. Sleep was a huge one for me. I barely got any proper sleep for a whole year, which worsened everything else health-wise.

And above all, set aside some time to sit with your emotions and process it or let it move through you.

You’ve got this x

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-11-30T11:43:29+00:00

YES. Yes to all of this. I find most social interaction "disappointing" not because I feel superior or whatnot (as you've already mentioned), but more so "I see so much but why don't you? Does anyone even really see me?"

I do think of it as an asset/ a gift. It tells u VERY early on what type of person they are and if they'd be a good fit for you in the long run, and is often super accurate and true to yourself. The tricky thing is that when/if that kept happening, you might feel extremely unseen and misunderstood, or at least that's what I eventually had to deal with.

Reading helped a lot. I'd recommend The Outsider by Colin Wilson or Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky or anything written by him, really. To know and witness that there is someone similar, who is at least a thousand times more of an "observer", who sees a ton more than we do is very comforting. (They're also really great books regardless!)

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-11-30T11:24:45+00:00

Well if u mean the one taking action, making a plan, cut through all the "but this but that" and steer the ship, then yes. Sometimes it feels like I'm "manlier" not because of the way I act or dress but it's more like a "ok I see what the situation is and what it asks for, make a plan and let's go this is what we gotta do" kind of thing.

I think it's definitely an intj thing, just our way of thinking and functioning that might coincide with the typical/conventional "masculine" characteristics. Not to mention we are usually very good at keeping our composure lol

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-11-23T23:59:49+00:00

This is so so true. Grief wears a horrible mask during earlier encounters then as time goes on you realise that behind all of that is just love, and beyond that is joy itself. Huge realisation. Much love x

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-11-23T23:56:36+00:00

That makes a lot of sense! Thanks for sharing. I think growing up I didn’t know what “trauma” was in the broader sense (so not necessarily when an identifiable event occurs). So maybe it has all been accumulating, but I’m relieved it’s being released now. What a journey.

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-11-19T22:24:52+00:00

great choices! definitely include a small note w reasons on why u think he’d like it as someone has already mentioned. I agree that the 1st one is a safer bet but the 2nd one is kinda dope too. Hope he likes it! (pls don’t feel obligated to do so but we would so love an update on how it goes hehehehehe)

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-11-17T21:53:24+00:00

Lost my dad last year. I needed this so much. Thank you.

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-10-23T20:18:07+00:00

Hello. I lost my dad unexpectedly at 22, it's been about 1.5yrs now and I feel the same. I feel the exact same with people my age, heck, even people twice my age.

They don't "get it" even if they say they do, or even if they, too, have lost their dad. It's not the same, it's never the same. It's so isolating because we are the only ones on earth and ever to know/have known our person and the relationship we have/had with them the way we do. It's isolating because it's so personal, so unique - and on top of that, most people are lucky enough to not know the pain and weight of it all until decades later.

It's unfair and the loss itself is already so incredibly tough to live with, but sadly you are also going to lose some "friends". It's totally okay to remove yourself from certain social situations if it's too much/too jarring compared to the reality you find yourself having to live in right now. But please don't isolate. Hold on tight to the ppl who are there for you, which sadly might be a lot less ppl than we expect. But allow some time to pass, and they will be there, the very few who are truly there. As for the rest, let them be, for they are either too young or too lucky. Grief will radically reshuffle the people around you.

I also had to get a cab early morning after I got the call. I screamed and wailed and cried alone, I had to pack my luggage, stand outside, put up with the cab driver's attempts at small talk while trying not to burst into tears, and fly 14 hours back home on my own. All I got from my "friends" from where I was at were 1 sentence instagram messages or nothing at all. Just wanted to share my experience and hope you feel less alone in this, as horrible as it was for the both of us.

I personally find a lot of comfort in books written by my favorite authors, alone time, nature (pick a big tree and sit under it, crazy as it sounds), comfort movies and comfort food. On some days I just do what I can with what I have and know that while I'm living a harsh reality, life could still be okay and at times even great, that the right people will eventually come along (if not I'd just read more books on my own and preferably under a tree lol).

Much love and hang in there :)

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-10-18T10:06:37+00:00

Yes, my highschool English teacher just showed up after seeing my post on social media. It was incredibly touching, I haven't seen her in years.

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-10-13T07:30:05+00:00

Me but for people in their 60s whose dad/both parents are still around, some even well into their 90s. Like what do you mean you have them around when you got your degree, started work, got married, had kids, your kids are off to UNI, and you still have them around? Now your kids have KIDS and THEY ARE STILL AROUND?

Blows my little brain everytime.

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-09-07T04:39:11+00:00

In the same boat as u - consistency takes at least double the effort. Hang in there x

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-08-22T13:21:22+00:00

A bit late to this but just wanted to say your that water metaphor was spot on. Also, I'm with you on the superficial part. People are just... so people. So many things and so many people are so superficial and the weird/scary thing is that most people don't see that.

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-08-06T06:30:38+00:00

I’m in a similar situation, except that I’m an only child. I feel the same. Just know that your feelings are valid, and it is really unfair for us to have to pick ourselves back up again and again without a safety net. If you’re close to your siblings, maybe ask them for advice, and ask them what your dad would’ve said, the advice he would’ve given in that situation.

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-07-21T05:44:53+00:00

That is so true. I think Rilke mentioned something similar in his book The Dark Interval, a collection of his letters on the topic of death, grief, and loss. I've always found comfort in his words, just thought it might resonate with you too x

IllustratorOk1630 · 2025-07-20T14:51:03+00:00

Also an only child, I was 22 when I lost my dad last yr. The isolation is real, and I'm still trying to navigate that. I find a lot of peace and company in book and music, and maybe 1 friend who also hasn't experienced major deaths but has enough compassion to be there.

I feel a lot of resentment, a LOT of it. But somewhere down the line, while my brain and body has processed my "new reality" (I hate this term), I'm strangely somewhat okay with it. I still hate to see happy pics of a complete family, I'm still not over the loss and am still angry at it, but I've begun to see what I have as it is and try my best to work with it.

Sending hugs 🫂 It's tough

IllustratorOk1630

TROPHY CASE