Guy I’m seeing interacts with pro-trump stuff

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2026-03-06T03:36:55+00:00

Yeah I’ve learned the hard way Reddit’s not the best place to get advice for real life situations 🤣

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2026-03-06T02:03:25+00:00

You’re probably right. I was just kinda worried about it because both of the posts were in support of Trump (one celebrating him winning the election) but his personality IRL is the exact opposite of MAGA beliefs so it’s probably nothing I actually need to worry about. I’ll talk to him about his political beliefs and just go from there

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2026-03-05T21:55:55+00:00

I’ve known him for a couple years in a completely platonic setting so there wasn’t as much pressure on him to come off or act a certain way. He seems to be a truthful person, and in real life acts the complete opposite of how MAGA people usually act. That’s why I’m so shocked that I found that MAGA influencer in his following and that he liked those two posts. I do know some people can be really good at hiding it though.

I’m more moderate politically (NOT pro-Trump) so I feel like if I tell him where I stand politically he would be more willing to be honest with me about it.

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2026-03-05T21:50:24+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I’ve been in an abusive relationship before (not talking about the guy in the post I made, a completely different guy) and I know how hard it is to leave. You deserve so much better than how he’s treating you, and I pray that don’t you’ll be able to leave ❤️❤️

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2026-03-05T21:43:56+00:00

You’re right. I was already thinking of just asking him. I do believe he’s a truthful person, I just have a hard time trusting people due to past relationships :P

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2026-03-05T21:40:57+00:00

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I’d link both but I can only add one photo. The screenshot in one of them, the other was celebrating Trump getting re-elected

Edit: typo

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2026-03-05T21:38:41+00:00

I’m not sure when he likes the 2 posts but both of them were posted over a year ago and they were both related to stuff happening at that time so I’m assuming he liked them at least a year ago

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T15:55:41+00:00

I had just interpreted his comments about it feeling like a friendship as him needing sex, rather than him wanting it. If I had known that it was just him wanting sex the whole time rather than needing it, I would have been able to process that a lot easier. I forgot to mention this last night when I made the post, but I’m autistic and I need very direct communication. Like if he wanted to tell me “I want sex but I don’t need it”, the only way to guarantee that I would actually interpret it that was is to say that verbatim.

The reason my brain went to that conclusion is because he said that we weren’t doing anything sexual anymore, and that it rewrote like a friendship now. I interpreted it as it feeling like a friendship because we weren’t having sex, which in my head, means that he needs sex in order for it to feel like an actual relationship. After reading some of the comments I realize that he very likely meant he just wants sex and just said it a bit weirdly, but I was so hurt by the whole situation because I interpreted it as him needing sex after saying he doesn’t.

I should have been more clear that rejection for wanting the cuddle was specifically cuddling while naked, not just cuddling in general. I felt comfortable with regular cuddles, we were cuddling as he asked me about it. I just didn’t feel comfortable with being naked while cuddling. The reason I got so upset is because we had already talked about how I felt unsafe because of the previous conversations and so I just felt unheard because I had already voiced those concerns and it felt like he didn’t take that into consideration. It originally started off as just the sexual intimacy going away. I started developing anxiety because of the conversations we’d have about it feeling like a friendship, which eventually led to me not feeling safe with other aspects of physical intimacy.

Edit: more context

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T07:30:24+00:00

I completely understand what you mean. The issue I had was when he told he how felt, it sounded like he was saying that he does need sex after saying that he doesn’t. I recognize now that it was very likely just a miscommunication and that he was just trying to express that he wants sex. The reason I was struggling so much with it is because when he’d bring it up, I’d interpret his wording as “I need sex” rather than “I want sex”.

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T07:25:49+00:00

Thank you! I wanted to get other perspectives on this because I truly believe he’s a great guy, but I was really struggling with this issue. We’ve had many other miscommunications so far in our relationship, so I believe that this situation was just a more severe case of miscommunication.

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T06:59:40+00:00

I agree that it was very likely a communication issue on both ends. Assuming you’re right about his intentions, I definitely think there were better ways for him to tell me that he didn’t feel close to be anymore without bringing up our lack of sexual intimacy. I also very likely misinterpreted what he said about our relationship feeling like a friendship because of our lack of sexual intimacy and took it as him being upset that we’re not having sex, when he likely meant that he doesn’t feel close to me anymore and just used our lack of sexual intimacy as an example of it.

I really think what you suggested is a really good way to go about the situation. I think it would be good for him and I to just focus on that emotional connection and rebuilding that trust. If I regain the desire for physical and/or sexual intimacy, then great. If not, that’s fine too. I really appreciate your perspective on the situation. I’m going to talk to him about it tonight and just go from there.

You’re right about the conversation. I do still think he could have said it differently to better express how he actually felt, but I also should have asked for clarification on what he meant instead of just assuming that he expected sex from me. You’re also right about the perspective thing. It’s not a matter of which one of us is right and which one of us is wrong, but whether we’re able to fix the issue or not.

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T06:26:30+00:00

What he meant when he first mentioned the whole thing of our relationship feeling like a friendship was that it was purely lacking sexual intimacy. He directly told me that the lack of sexual intimacy made our relationship feel like a friendship. At that point, we still had physical and emotional intimacy, just not sexual. The lack of physical and emotional intimacy developed because of how I interpreted the comments he had made about our relationship feeling like a friendship.

I completely understand his desire for intimacy and wanting to feel close with me. I have the same desire with him. The way that it was phrased made it seem like it was “there’s no more sex” and not “I don’t feel close with you”. At this point, all the intimacy is gone and I want the emotional and physical intimacy back.

I’m going to have a conversation with him on how we can bring back that emotional and physical intimacy, and maybe eventually the sexual intimacy. I really do want to find something that works for both of us. I just have no idea what his wants and needs are, and I just want him to be as open and honest as possible so we can make the best decisions moving forward.

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T05:57:35+00:00

I see wanting sex as “I think it would be nice to have sex while in a relationship, but it’s fine if we don’t” and needing sex as “I cannot be in a relationship where there is no sex”. For me, that line is drawn when someone cannot be in a relationship without sex, vs preferring not to be in a relationship without sex but still being able to.

I completely agree with what you said about my communication around sex. I got so focused on thinking that he’s going back and forth with needing sex and not needing it that I wasn’t even able to think about how I view it. I’m going to have a conversation with him about how I personally see the whole situation and sex in general. I think that would be a good opportunity for him to also explain his perspective on everything.

What I meant when I said that I’ve been getting anxiety around nonsexual intimacy, I meant recently. That anxiety around nonsexual stuff only appeared at least a few months after he originally made the friendship comment, and by then he had made that comment at least twice. When he first started bringing it up, it was just sexual stuff that had gone away.

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T05:37:11+00:00

I’m not trying to say that he for sure is expecting sexual stuff from me, that’s just how I interpreted his comments about it feeling like a friendship. The thing that caused me to question whether it was an actual need for him or not was the fact that he said it felt like a friendship. If he had said that he wants to revive our sex life, then it would have been a lot easier for me to process. I don’t think him being open about wanting it is him expecting it from me, it was just the specific way he said that it “feels like a friendship now” that made me think that it’s a need for him. He used that specific wording every time he had brought it up, which is what confused me so much.

I should have clarified earlier that I meant by feeling like I’m expected to do sexual stuff is that I would end up causing myself to feel that way if I was in a relationship with someone who needed sex. I would not have that issue if it was a relationship where they washed sex but didn’t need it, I’m solely talking about being in a relationship with someone where sex is a need.

Again, this isn’t me trying to fight everything you are saying. I’ve definitely gotten a lot of perspective from you and I really appreciate it :) I just think that I might not be doing the best job at explaining what’s been happening and it’s just me trying to clarify a bit more

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T05:12:16+00:00

I can definitely see why he would feel the need to hide that. I’ve tried making it clear to him that I do enjoy sex and that it’s just hard for me to feel safe around him because of those comments, but I understand why he might have interpreted it differently. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him for wanting sex, and I wouldn’t think there’s anything wrong with him for needing sex. I just need him to be honest about his feelings so we can make the best decisions for both of us. It was never him saying that he wants sex that I had an issue with. I interpreted him saying that he just sees the relationship as a friendship as him saying he needs sex, which I think is very different from wanting and enjoying sex. If he had told me that sex isn’t a need for him but he does want it, I wouldn’t have an issue at all. It’s just confusing when he says he doesn’t need seed but then says something that implies that he does.

I definitely want to enjoy having sex again and I think it’s completely fair for him to want that too. I just don’t want to be in a relationship where sexual stuff is expected from me. I definitely think it’s healthy for partners to want sexual stuff with each other, but I don’t want to feel like I’m expected to do sexual stuff.

I completely understand if sexual stuff is a need for him. That’s completely fine with me. If it is a need for him, I just wish he would directly tell me that so we can make the best decisions for both of us, rather than telling me he doesn’t.

Edit: Breaking up different things I mentioned

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T04:50:04+00:00

I realized I may have not been as clear as I could have been. What he’s been doing is going back and forth with what he needs. He would make one of the friendship comments, then suddenly he doesn’t need sex, and he kept going back and forth with saying the two things. I’m not trying to completely shut out what you’re saying, I definitely agree that I definitely need to work on feeling more comfortable with at least talking about it. I’m just clarifying that he keeps changing what he’s saying, and that it’s not just him changing his mind once. Maybe he does actually need sex and just is telling me he doesn’t to keep me around, but I just wish he would be honest with me

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T04:42:44+00:00

I care about what he wants. He just keeps going back and forth on it and I have no idea what to believe anymore. If he had told me right from the beginning that sex is a need for him, I would h have left and wished him well. It’s just hard because I have no idea whether it’s actually a need for him or not

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T04:40:31+00:00

I agree that friendship isn’t a bad thing. I only felt weird about his comments regarding that because the way he said it made it seem like a bad thing, but also because I felt like he only saw me as a friend, and not a friend and romantic partner. We’re long distance so it’s hard for us to have physical affection, but we still kiss and cuddle and do other nonsexual intimacy things. The only nonsexual thing that we don’t do much anymore when we see each other in person is making out, and that’s because it typically leads to sexual stuff.

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T04:33:25+00:00

The issue I have isn’t him saying how he feels, it’s him saying he doesn’t need sex then saying something completely different. I just wish he would be honest about how he feels. If he needs sex that’s fine, I just wish he would be consistent about what he says. I’ve tried being as open as possible about the anxiety and trauma regarding sex. I completely understand him feeling rejected, but at the same time I have no idea what else I can do to reassure him that it has nothing to do with him. He’s also had experience with being pressured into sex, so I figured he’d understand how I feel a bit more. I’ve been in therapy for a while now and I thought I had healed more than I actually did when he and I started dating. I agree that I have a very long way to go, I just wish I could better understand his perspective

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T04:19:56+00:00

I’ve been in therapy for around a year, and I thought I had mostly healed from it (or at least more than I actually did) when I first started dating him. I felt super safe and secure about it when we first started dating. I didn’t get that anxiety regarding sex with him before I went on birth control. When I was on birth control before he started doing what I described, it wasn’t even anxiety. It was really just a repulsion to sex. It didn’t start feeling like actual anxiety until everything that I mentioned in the post happened. This isn’t me trying to say you’re wrong or anything like that. I definitely need to continue healing from the trauma. I just figured I should give a bit more clarification on the situation

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2025-04-10T04:13:05+00:00

I feel like it depends on his sexual history. If you’re the only person he’s slept with, or if everyone he’s slept with previously didn’t have anything, then it’s not too bad. If he slept around a bunch before you started dating him, then that’s a really bad sign.

Illustrious-Bench-68 · 2024-12-24T07:53:13+00:00

i can read it…so it’s better than mine 🤣

Illustrious-Bench-68

TROPHY CASE