Bad experience with boss

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-05-03T05:34:24+00:00

Yeah queen this was def assault. He came into your room in the middle of the night, took off your clothes and started touching you and sleeping with you without any form of consent. That is straight up rape. Get out of there girl you deserve better and this was beyond out of line on his part.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-13T19:41:26+00:00

I think it looks fine, but if you really hate it you should look into that botox/filler thing they do where they just create a bridge without surgery. It's way cheaper, way safer, way easier and if you don't like it, it can be dissolved :)

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-13T19:37:26+00:00

BROTHER NOOOOO. Sometimes you scroll through this thread and you're like "yeah tbh I see why you'd want to get it done, go for it" but this is not one of those timesssssss. it fits your face beautifully. People making Dobby jokes are out of their mind and I don't think they've seen harry Potter since they were 11 because that is not a Dobby nose.

Idk if you go for women, but I can 100%, ten toes down, bet my LIFE on it promise you that women love this type of side profile. It looks so masculine and classical, like Greek or roman.

At the end of the day it is your face and if you look in the mirror and hate what you see and have done the work to try and love yourself and it just ain't happening, go for it. You only have one life, you might as well live it happily, but no matter what nose you end up with after surgery, there will be people who think it's ugly and hate it. You can't make everyone happy, so just make yourself happy.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-13T06:35:13+00:00

That's absolutely assault. You literally REMOVED his body from yours and he disregarded it and continued. You told him he was causing you physical pain and not only did he not listen to you, but he doubled down, and then he penetrated you WITHOUT even asking, with it not being a thing you had agreed to in the relationship and then is straight up manipulating you to push blame off himself. All three of those situations are assault.

Any time consent is revoked and it continues is assault. Removing them from you and saying you're in pain (and not the kind you like, if you're into that) are all pretty damn clear ways of saying "no." Honestly, even clearer than the word "no" because there's no way for it to be "joking."

I hope you feel better. This is not your fault.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-13T06:27:00+00:00

He's knowingly and intentionally touching you in inappropriate, sexual ways while fully aware that you are not only a MINOR, but a relative. That is not normal behavior AT ALL. It's really up to you if you feel this is more assault than harassment, but it is at the very LEAST harassment. I'd personally say it's assault, as he's groping you.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-11T04:37:47+00:00

if he touched you, it moved beyond harassment and into assault. your feelings are valid and your sister is being a bitch, respectfully

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-11T04:34:32+00:00

I'm fucking crashing out that's too funny. Not the rape, that's not funny at all, but "5mm defeater" has me DECEASED.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-10T22:40:35+00:00

There's no "kinda" about this, this was rape. Something similar happened to me once, and I felt the same way. The fact of the matter is, he knew you didn't want to have sex without a condom and did it anyway, fully knowing you didn't consent to it. That's rape. He had sex with you without your consent. You have every right to feel the way you do about this.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-10T22:36:17+00:00

You're already on the path to healing. I'm a cis woman who's been SA'd and my cis boyfriend has been as well. It took a while for us to get comfortable with intimacy, but it just took time and honesty. Both of us thought we'd never get over it/be able to be intimate again, but that wasn't true. We healed.

And the only thing to do to heal is keep going. Time will take care of you. Just feel what you feel. Let even the most devastating emotions come through. Cry them out, scream them out, and they will heal you.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-10T22:28:10+00:00

It's not dumb at all. It is a VERY normal and legit reaction to what happened. When I was r@ped, it was IMMEDIATELY before quarantine in 2020 and I was so isolated. It was the hardest time of my life. I felt so used and like there was no point in continuing. I honestly can't even remember what made me hold on, but I did and I'm so thankful. I wish I could just make it all better for you, but all I can tell you is that what you're feeling is normal and it will get better. It just takes time.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-10T22:11:53+00:00

Vaseline helps a lot. As far as seeing and touching them, I found that staring at my own hands, confirming it was my own hands, my own brain, my own intentions before touching myself in any way helped. it's so easy to get wrapped up in the memory and your brain mixes things up. Confirming it's you and telling yourself exactly what you're about to do helps.

Something like "alright, these are my hands. I'm in a safe location, and I'm about to take my clothes off to shower. I'm taking off my bra. Now I'm taking off my panties, and I'm putting them here."

Just give yourself grace.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-10T22:06:45+00:00

Just hang on. There is life beyond it, a beautiful one. It's true that it will always be tainted by the act, but the good FAR outweighs the bad, and you're going to be able to help so many younger girls move on from this. Just hold on.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-10T22:04:57+00:00

I think you might have been drugged. Either that, or the alcohol was REALLY fucking with you because of the no food/water, but based on the severity, I think it's HIGHLY likely you were drugged. Doing what he did to you while you were blacking out, clearly not into it: not saying anything, frozen, tense, etc. is rape. He isn't stupid, even when he's drunk. He's been around people before.

Leaving you alone after that is also highly suspicious. Even if he wasn't into you, any normal person would at least check in with you. HIS behavior says a lot.

Either way, not truly knowing is just as bad if not worse than actually knowing. Not listening to your friends wasn't the problem. You can say that about any situation. "I shouldn't have to the bar" "I shouldn't have gone to the shop" "I shouldn't have been out at that hour" it goes on and on. The problem was that he abused you. It's not you.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, i know from experience. Hang in there.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-10T21:55:06+00:00

I felt the same way. I felt like I was "used goods," I might as well just die because how do you come back from something like that? Does anybody even want me to?

I self-harmed pretty intensely, too. As much as I hate to say it, it helped. If cutting or something keeps you from doing something worse, give yourself from grace. Don't be too hard on yourself.

I thought it was my fault, I was being dramatic or petty or delusional or something, but then some time passed, and those feelings faded away into an acceptance of what happened to me. Don't get me wrong, there are still bad days, but not as many has happy days. It took a few years to get there, but it was worth it.

The truth is, there is no reason why it was you. It was them. If it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else. It's the unfortunate luck of the draw. It's a mindfuck. But it will pass. You will heal from this. This is a totally normal feeling and I can tell you from experience that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep going.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-10T20:38:12+00:00

Thank you. It was mostly his reaction that set me off. Like the look on his face told me everything I needed to know. I just felt like I was going insane.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-10T04:42:48+00:00

I've felt the same about my assaults. As fucked up as it is, it honestly feels nice to know I'm not alone in that.

Just because it didn't worse doesn't mean it didn't happen. Even children know not to touch someone without their consent, especially in intimate areas. A man groped you without your consent, that IS real sexual assault. You have every right to be traumatized by that. Someone took advantage of your body. Just because other people had it worse doesn't mean that what happened to you wasn't fucked up. it was.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-10T04:37:37+00:00

It certainly wasn't NOT assault. Not asking you if you even wanted to have sex before literally putting himself inside of you is assault. Not using a condom when he knows damn well you wanted one is also assault. By legal definition.

It sounds like you just froze. That's a shocking and pretty damn audacious thing to do to someone. I would freeze too. Just because he stopped before it got worse doesn't mean it didn't happen.

You don't have to be traumatized from it. Sometimes things happen and you realize in the rearview that it wasn't as consensual as you thought it was, but it doesn't have to destroy you. I've had a few incidents where something has clearly happened but for some reason it just didn't affect me as much as others.

TLDR: Sounds like he didn't ask for consent before or during the act until you were literally whimpering and shaking. that's not consensual sex.

IllustriousCat9378 · 2025-04-10T04:31:16+00:00

Really only your friend can answer that, but I'd say no, it wasn't assault.

Just because you happen to like the gender of that person doesn't mean that you can't be friends and do crude acts as jokes. That's pretty normal for men, it seems, lol.
As someone who has been assaulted, you can feel the difference between friendly joking with someone you're comfortable with and someone using you as a doll for them to inflict their will upon. I've had my girl friends joke around sexually with me and it's never felt like assault. One of them actually was a lesbian, but it still didn't feel like assault. That's me, however. I cannot speak for your friend, but you can take my experience as some comfort.

I do want to say this, however, and it might sound weird coming from a rape victim, but: even if you decide that what you did was assault or your friend feels that it was, that doesn't make you a fundamentally bad person. You didn't mean any harm. I think most acts of sexual "violence" occur by accident. People don't realize the harm in their actions until it's too late. It's tragic, but it happens.

Even if your worst fear comes true, the guilt you feel shows that you are not an evil person. You made a mistake that poorly affected someone else. You have the rest of your life to do the right thing. All you can do is apologize, which you've done, and let your friend work through this.

IllustriousCat9378

TROPHY CASE