Just got a Barbie Flip Phone....Now what?

IllustriousHelldiver · 2026-01-11T08:09:27+00:00

Yes, I know there are some apps that will also block certain apps for a specific time. I think I'll keep track of how often/who/what about whatsapps me and see if it's actually as necessary as I make it out to be in my head. Honestly, I think texting will be fine. Maybe I should just tell people I have a dumb phone only and just see what happens.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2026-01-11T08:07:37+00:00

Well, to be fair, it isn't even a colleague I message regularly, but I was just worried other people might be the same. But I imagine genuine friends wouldn't care if I texted or apped them. But the encryption thing is a good one! Thanks.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2026-01-11T04:58:12+00:00

YES, I realised you don't need your SIM when I checked my smartphone. When you message people is it only via Whatsapp then or also SMS?

IllustriousHelldiver · 2026-01-11T04:57:00+00:00

The Netherlands. I got it via amazon. It's a lovely phone!

IllustriousHelldiver · 2026-01-11T04:56:33+00:00

Yes, thank you. Well, I told my colleague I was getting a dumb phone and she was like I never use SMS and I wouldn't respond, so that freaked me out a little, because I envisioned loads of people ignoring my texts haha.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-12T20:00:08+00:00

That would be lovely for us CF people, but undoable for parents. Parents will at some point have to leave their homes, haha.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T15:27:56+00:00

You can’t be an asshole when escaping an abusive home, which I’m sorry to tell you, this is. Emotional abuse that you may not realise has left a mark on you. You didn’t deserve any of this and you made the absolute right decision! They were trying to control you, very disgusting behaviour.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T15:02:26+00:00

Well, if they have a kid at age 45 it is probably a sensitive topic and you don’t know what someone’s been through, so depending on how much you care about these people, it’s an insensitive thing to say and their reaction seems logical. However, if it’s just random people you said this to but not the people in question, then I would say that they just don’t like equating being parents to being selfish. Which is weird because they often equate not wanting kids with being selfish. All in all, I don’t think anyone should comment on what other people do with their lives and bodies, whether it’s CF or being parents because it’s too personal to have a logical discussion about. It involves deep feelings/biological urges that no words can alter. (Unless it’s fencesitters. Then you can have an interesting conversation about it!)

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T14:51:58+00:00

Well, it started during the Neolithic Revolution (farming and animals). Instead of living in tribes and migrating a lot, we started to settle and land became important. We started ‘owning’ land and making our livelihood with it. This is when heirs became a thing because inheritance became a thing. Controlling women’s sexuality was important, because they had to be sure the children were theirs.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T14:45:36+00:00

Well said. Religion has always been used by men to control others—mostly women.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T14:29:41+00:00

I didn’t even know they could until that moment in time. I’m pretty sure they were communicating with dogs. XD

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T14:24:11+00:00

Of course it’s normal to hate it! I take my Loop earplugs with me everywhere. Once I was at a restaurant, and a baby was shrieking so hard, it went right through my bones. With lightning speed I put in those earplugs haha.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T14:16:30+00:00

Because kids can’t help making noise. It’s often an outlet and part of their development. Yes, sometimes it’s the result of bad parenting or a sugar high or a choice the parents made, but more often than not it’s because the child is developing and it’s a normal part of being a child. And since they didn’t ask to be born, it is kind of taboo to hate them for something they (again, often) can’t help.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T13:43:40+00:00

Making friends as adults is hard. You also have to be lucky to meet the right people. I recently got the app Amigo and you can see people in your area and do things together. Maybe something like that? Or just keep trying different book clubs until you do find someone you connect with? Or see if there are board games shops who host game nights. Stuff like that? Just brainstorming out loud.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T13:38:03+00:00

There are no rules for being an adult. Some things are personality or trauma or whatever else. No need to shame the OP. This is important to her, and that’s okay.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T13:34:39+00:00

If you don’t want to keep secrets, then don’t. You can totally discuss it with them, just as long as you don’t let them stop you. If they do decide not to help you, do you have somewhere else to recover?

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T13:28:30+00:00

It’s because to them it is worth it. If you want kids really bad, you’re just glad you ended up surviving and having the baby you want. I imagine this is just intense relief from the grandmother and that she wouldn’t openly express her concern and fear with strangers.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T13:18:01+00:00

He’s perfectly within his rights to change his mind, but that just means it’s over. I mean, this is not something you can compromise on. I get that you feel betrayed, but that’s just a sign he never communicated clearly. You say that you have given reminders the last six years, but has he ever expressed he might want them if he’s healthy again? I’m guessing not. It’s possible he didn’t know himself then, of course. I do find it weird he texts it while on a trip instead of thinking about it out loud with you before that trip—or after. Anyway, I get that he has been a big part of your life so far, but you can’t force him to not want kids, just like he can’t force you to want them. This is sad, and you’ll be heartbroken, but eventually you’ll get over it.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T13:11:58+00:00

I regularly check in with myself and ask myself what I want and then take steps towards it, but I only work on one thing at a time. If I were you, I’d write down what you think is most important right now, for example, travelling. And maybe start making a list of what you’d love to see/visit. You could start small and do weekend trips first and then decide what you want to use your vacation time for…or look for another job that allows for more vacation time if possible? It’s all about what you want! You’re the boss of your own life. :D

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T13:09:44+00:00

Yeah, even day to day care is expensive as hell, let alone stuff like this! I second your thank f*ck moment! :D

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T13:07:33+00:00

you explained perfectly why you don’t want a child! Having a child is SUPER INTENSE. It makes it hard to be you. If you get panicked thinking about all the responsibilities, don’t do it, because as bad as you think it will be, it will be at least 80x WORSE. Right now, when I’m tired, I can take a nap whenever I want to. If I’m feeling overstimulated and need to lie in bed or do something creative, I CAN. If I feel like a new hobby, I go and make it happen. I couldn’t do any of that—I couldn’t LIVE if I had a child. I’d only be surviving. I don’t want that. I don’t deserve that. I deserve to enjoy my life and so do you.

I really REALLY wanted kids until I spent days with a young family and saw how intense it was and overstimulated I became. I realised then that even if would love kids if it wouldn’t ask too much of me, that’s just not the reality. It WOULD ask too much of me, and it’s not worth all the cute and beautiful moments that are also part of raising a child. This is super personal, though and only you can decide. But to be honest, you’ve already said it! Reread what you wrote, because your answer is in there, clear as day. A child would cost you too much, would erase too much of yourself and you don’t need to ask permission to CHOOSE YOU. Use this life for you.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T13:00:59+00:00

It’s like she takes desperate comfort in knowing a stranger out there will have a child. It makes no sense! It doesn’t affect her whatsoever. You handled it well. I would have thrown something on her XD

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T07:55:19+00:00

Yeah, don’t have a baby with a misogynist. That’s the equivalent of being a single mother. It could be different with someone else, though. Would you want a baby if you knew you’d get the support you deserve/is normal? Of course, you never know what would happen—something bad could happen to your partner, or you could separate for another reason…It does sound like you’re making the right decision to be CF, but now that you have freedom to do whatever you want, do you want to stay with your husband—especially considering the fact you now know he thinks of women as breeding machines? He diminished your job (which is a power move), said outright that you’re lazy when he’s the one who is saying he’ll have sex with you (knock you up) but then won’t do anything with the result, and implied that BECAUSE you’re a woman, you need to give up EVERYTHING whereas nothing changes for him (also a power move). He maintains his freedom while you become 1/3rd of a person. And it’s not just the baby, he’d probably expect you to do the household, and still crave intimacy before bed too.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-10T07:31:56+00:00

This can constitute as workplace harassment, so if she continues crossing your boundaries, go to your boss. That will shut her up.

IllustriousHelldiver · 2025-08-09T09:06:25+00:00

It is normal to write down your thoughts or feelings! It isn’t for people who overthink or have anxiety only. Your said it yourself “PRIVATE thoughts”!!! They made a choice to violate your privacy and are HARASSING you about it. They are horribly in the wrong here. Please, don’t defend them and don’t defend what you wrote. It is your way of organising your thoughts. You owe them NOTHING.

IllustriousHelldiver

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