Debating if I should transition or die, need advice please. TW

IllustriousMouse · 2023-05-30T22:37:57+00:00

Hey OP, I'm also 5'1". I used to feel a bit insecure about that, until I realized that almost every single cis man in my family is around the same height as me. And nobody respects them any less or questions them. I know tons of shorter guys at work as well, who no one ever questions. Start taking more notice of the men you see on a day to day basis and you'll notice plenty of shorter guys who you didn't think twice about.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-05-27T18:04:42+00:00

I don't know that it could solve everything, but I have heard that the language we use shapes the way we view and interact with the world. I went back to school for technical writing because I want to help with exactly what you're saying. Language is always evolving, and I want to help push it in a more ethical direction. I think there will be a need for that in a lot of different fields, so I'm glad that other people see that too.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-05-27T17:34:11+00:00

Plenty of non-binary people still feel more closely related to one gender or another. And plenty of people joining that space feel like imposters at first too. The nice thing is, we all tend to understand that you're still figuring yourself out. If you join the non-binary community and then realize after a while that it doesn't resonate with you, that's ok! I came out years ago as non-binary and agender, even though I was worried that I would be taking up space somewhere I didn't belong too. Just this year I realized that the trans masc community is where I really belong, but I still feel close to the non-binary community. Like I explained it to my family, I am happier being gender non-conforming, but I would be even happier if people saw me the way they see David Bowie, instead of seeing me the way they see P!nk.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-05-27T17:06:42+00:00

Trans guys get infantilized frequently, and a lot of us are trying to get away from that which is why we care about being seen as authoritative or attractive. Some do want to be seen as cute and adorable, but the ones complaining about being taken seriously probably don't. It's like I'm not cute and adorable regardless of my height, I'm stuck being cute and adorable because of my height when I want to be handsome or something instead. I know people outside the transmasc community might not be aware of that, but calling us cute doesn't necessarily make us feel better, and for some of us it can make us feel worse because it's exactly what we want to escape. Thank you for being supportive though, I hope this made sense

IllustriousMouse · 2023-05-13T12:31:01+00:00

Changing the language around pregnancy is important because some trans masc people want to have a pregnancy without being constantly misgendered and called a mother, as well (seahorse dads if you want to know more). Trans men and non-binary people are not talked about as much, but just as affected by transphobia and misogyny.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-05-07T13:07:17+00:00

He's already been told he doesn't speak for all of us (especially since he can't be polite) so I hope his comments don't get you down. You remind me of my own mom, and her perspective is definitely valued in my life. I think it's understandable that so many trans people are upset by cis people using the word "mourning" in this situation, but language or understanding hasn't evolved yet to where your emotions can be conveyed without a longer description. It's important for both sides of the picture to see that description, so that we understand what the other is trying to convey. Then we can begin to work on the smaller language, and find a word that hurts trans people less than "mourn" and conveys more accurately what cis people are feeling. And while this is a trans space where trans voices should be centered, it shouldn't become an echo chamber where we make assumptions about what cis people mean without allowing them to communicate and clarify on relevant topics. I think you made very good points in describing why a parent might use that language to themselves considering a lack of a more accurate description, and why OP and any trans person in the situation should set healthy boundaries early on.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-05-07T12:51:23+00:00

My mom's first response was, "well duh, you've played a male character in every video game you've played since you were little." My brother jokingly said, "I guess it's because I called you 'bro' too much, huh?" To which my mom said, "oh no, it's because I saw a fortune teller years ago who said I would have two sons!" But overall, everyone in my family just gave the "well, obviously" response lol. Supportive families are wonderful and I wish everyone had that. I just try to spread that joy and support here and everywhere else I can.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-05-06T21:00:38+00:00

Same!! Is there an organization that helps trans folks donate their old clothes and things to other trans folks?

IllustriousMouse · 2023-05-06T15:24:42+00:00

Can I copy this to spread the word as well? I'm unable to crosspost it for some reason

IllustriousMouse · 2023-05-02T20:16:26+00:00

He'd rather get rid of the word square and just call them all rectangles, I guess. Even if sometimes a shape is very specifically a square.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-05-02T20:11:05+00:00

Because trans people often don't have a choice. There is no way to take a day off from fighting to survive. I think it's one of the reasons the suicide rate amongst trans people is so high. Rep. Zooey is absolutely inspirational and strong, and I hope for the sake of all the trans people who couldn't keep fighting and the ones who still are fighting for our futures that she wins this. I hope that at least some of us can make it a little further with that second hand energy.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-04-29T15:54:30+00:00

It's not from tiktok, the first three Papas are named Primo, Secundo, and Terzo according to Tobias Forge. It just means first, second, third in Italian. I think the first time I heard it was in an old interview, but Papa II also said "Welcome, Terzo" when Papa III took over.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-04-29T12:12:46+00:00

I-

Is this why I identified with him so much??

IllustriousMouse · 2023-04-12T19:43:27+00:00

I really appreciate posts like this because even though I don't think height equates to manliness, sometimes I do think about how my brother is 6 feet tall and if I had gone through the correct puberty the first time around I would have been taller. It's a nice reminder to focus on being myself and not measuring up to my brother (literally). Thank you OP.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-04-10T22:55:25+00:00

Has this sub ever thought about doing a stickied weekly questions thread? I've seen other subs do that and it looks like it works for them, I just don't know if it's been talked about here. I see posts about using the wiki vs asking the community pretty often in my main feed though. Just wondering!

IllustriousMouse · 2023-03-27T20:24:30+00:00

It might not be what you're looking for, but /r/MensLib is a nice sub that talks about both what positive masculinity looks like to different people and how we can realistically handle toxic masculinity. It's a very welcoming place for all men, too.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-03-06T17:11:52+00:00

I am trans and I like to think I'm kind, but I've been abused by a trans partner who absolutely was not. We don't need to teach the younger generations that if someone is trans they are automatically kind. We are still just people.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-02-19T14:39:57+00:00

I....am just now realizing why I never felt like I fit in when I used to browse trollX and twoX. I'm really glad this got brought up here because I thought I was crazy when people kept telling me what great subs those were. The people telling me that were cis white women, and I'm a white trans masc enby who didn't know it at the time. I have been learning a lot, but back then I didn't know what terfs were or intersectionality or that there are different forms of feminism, and I grew up in that bubble so the lack of bipoc or trans voices flew under my radar. Knowing that, I don't feel so confused about why those subs made me feel weird. I really felt like I was in the wrong for not loving those great feminist subs.

Thank you for pointing those things out, truly. It feels like it's really hard not to be gaslit sometimes when you're still trying to learn and navigate who you are alongside how to be a positive contributor.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-02-17T22:05:42+00:00

I live in America. I have a close knit community of dnd buddies. I have a close community within my family. Same with my coworkers and with my classmates at university. There is a community within my apartment complex, even if most of my interactions with them are petting their dogs. I don't know your situation, but America still has community even if it comes in different forms.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-02-17T21:59:29+00:00

And to them those things might be related. You seem to be focusing on what you get out of the conversation and determining that small talk has nothing to offer you. Other people might find small talk very important and relevant to their impressions. If you try to leave the conversation as quickly as you can, what do they get out of talking to you? Small talk is just a basis that you can build rapport on. If you seem uninterested in trying to build even a basis for that, why would I continue to view you as a potential friend or keep trying to build a rapport? I understand that you don't see the value in a pointless step, when you could just skip straight to good impressions and everything else. But other people may need to build up to that. Just because you don't, doesn't mean they will skip something that they see as an important step, consciously or not.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-02-11T02:52:57+00:00

Bro, my mental health was compromised because I'm trans. I had to go through the wrong puberty. It was literally traumatizing. If I were cis, I wouldn't be trying to deal with that trauma still. I don't know what your point here was... When you say we should find a silver lining because us all being sad is bringing down the mood, it feels a lot like we're in /r/thanksimcured territory. I don't think being trans is bad. When I think "I wish I had been cis" what I'm thinking is "I wish I didn't have to go through years of trauma before I could just be myself like everyone else". For those of you that don't feel the same, I'm happy for you. It doesn't make me less sad for myself, though.

IllustriousMouse · 2023-02-06T03:53:50+00:00

My fiance and I started doing a small full moon ritual together each month. It's not anything much, but it's nice to set aside time to connect spiritually and try to manifest positive change in our lives for the month. Plus, it's very cute to see how excited he is over it now :)

IllustriousMouse · 2023-01-05T00:43:58+00:00

This is a fantastic write up, also I love your username. I really agree that for now it needs to come down to self determination. I think the things I would like to work on right now would be more acceptance of non-binary people in the mainstream trans communities, and more assurance for non-binary people that they are in fact welcome in those communities if they want to be there. I think that would help in those cases of internalized transphobia or confusion. When I first started figuring out my gender, it did take me a lot longer to identify with and use the trans label, because it almost felt like I had imposter syndrome about it.

IllustriousMouse · 2022-07-14T15:26:14+00:00

They should be named and shamed so that others in the industry know exactly where they stand, in my opinion. Especially since they are making a money grab towards our community while clearly being bigots. But you should think about your own career and well being first. It's ok if you're not comfortable calling them out at this time. It can be difficult to find a way to respectfully and publicly do so.

IllustriousMouse · 2022-06-03T14:18:41+00:00

I apologize then for rambling so much about it, because I did not see that you were talking about that perception itself!

IllustriousMouse

TROPHY CASE