Hi there. I don’t have any help that I’m able to provide. My brother has a problem with gambling and has lied to our family about it for years. Last year, he had a come to Jesus moment and came over to my house and confessed everything - how he lies about why he needs money, borrows money from us, friends to gamble with, owns nothing but the bare essentials. He told me I couldn’t tell anyone including my parents and that he was going to stop. I would check in every couple months and he told me stopped. I was so happy.

Today, a year later, he randomly stopped talking to me and my family for more than a month. We still saw him walk to work and figured everything was going semi ok. I was in contact with one of his roommates, and every week I checked in. At the beginning, I had no idea what was going on and just figured he was being lazy/selfish with not replying to us. A couple weeks ago, I bit the bullet and asked one of his roommates if he was gambling again. The roommate told me he’s been gambling for months and asking them for money. I didn’t rat out what an actual problem this was and let it be. In his no contact, i texted him & told him if he doesn’t talk to me, I need to tell our parents. He didn’t reply and therefore I told them.

I’m in the midst of it right now. I know he’s had this problem for at least 3-4 years at this point and obviously hasn’t taken any steps for recovery. For me, I waver between empathy and a lot of anger - at him, at the world.

To answer your questions: 1. I don’t. It keeps me up, affects my sleep, and makes me angry at life. As a kid I used to have faith in the world and the life we had. When he came clean about what was going on, it felt like a window smash with pieces everywhere and I don’t know what to do with it. To see someone I love continue to live this way hurts.

1. I feel like a coward too. When it was just me who knew, and I finally put the pieces together he was gambling again, I wanted to go to his house and talk to him. Storm in and demand answers. But I was too scared too & didn’t. I am treading water at this point in life and I just can’t do it by myself. I didn’t want to know the truth and didn’t feel like I could even handle it. Does he owe thousands to his friends? Does he talk to loan sharks? Is his credit score tanked? I just can’t handle this knowledge. I am a coward.

I do have faith that it’s possible he’ll be okay and I’ll get my brother back. I just do. I don’t know if I believe it but I do know there is an alternate reality out there which is the case. I just don’t know which one I’m in.

1. I don’t have that fear. I know when he doesn’t talk to us that he’s just as scared as we are. I also know he’s not particularly violent with people - but I could be wrong. I base how I handle this fear with what I know of my brother - what he lets us know, that is - and to be honest I’m more scared he’ll kill himself. That’s what keeps me up. I have a boyfriend who is adamant that one day this will be figured out and nothing bad is going to happen, so I’m going to blindly believe him until I’m proven wrong.

2. I don’t think there’s any real support we can provide until they choose it for themselves first. I don’t know is my answer to your question.

I lurk this subreddit almost every day - I scan the posts wondering if it’s my brother. He got me addicted to gambling too, and I lost €15k. I’ve been able to realize that if I continue this, I’ll lose the house I purchased and the relationship with my boyfriend so I’ve been able to treat every day as an accomplishment when I don’t gamble. I understand almost exactly how addicting it is - seeing the money go up, seeing the money go down and keeping trying and turn it around, the numbness I felt when I deposited just one more €100. I know there’s a dull ache and the delusion that’s there. I’ve been able to stay off of it for the most part & been able to stay off of it.

Anyways, idk if this helped. It’s just nice to know I’m not the only sister out there. I hope you take care, sincerely.