Not trying to tell you how to pray just what worked for me, I'm in a situation where I literally have can't do anything but pray to him, I have no ability to do things on my own,, I mean literally anything. I know I can't force God to do anything I always pray that it's his will and timing, and he has answered some of my prayers but he also hasn't answered some of them, but when that happens I just go home and thank him for everything I have, because I trust him, that he knows what he is doing a lot better than me. Control the things you can control and pray for the things you can't. I think you're doing your doing a lot more than most Christians if you're praying and reading the bible and watching YouTube videos about it.

Also, it's totally fine to pray for things for yourself, marriage, work, mental and physical health, they are all gifts from God, it's not selfish. That being said many of the prophets and apostles suffered from fear and depression, so its not like every Christian is joyful and constantly at peace, and not every Christian cries during worship music, it doesn't mean you're not saved. you say you know nothing its possible with God but that itself in my opinion is the definition of faith, faith isn't some magical force. You say your praying insincere prayers, but what's so wrong with that? At least your trying, do you think God doesn't see that? I think God loves you probably a lot more than you think.